Jail Journal: Page 11

I am pretty sure Yuuichirou would think I am bat shit crazy if I told him my theories of what happened to Yumiko. I started overthinking and coming up with dumb shit. Even if it is spiritually true, the tangible implications is too hard to bear at times. It doesn't always equate to fair relations in the corporeal.

I m thinking about Kai, we saw each other the same day Janelle came to visit me, I felt bad because it was probably female but the venom in their eyes was too much to fathom they also ended up shaving their head and eyebrows so I don't even know what they're in for.

My mom embarrassed me a my first trial when she decided to talk. I fucking hate her right now. I was too upset to go back to sleep, I think maybe a cold shower might calm me down. I guess it is fair enough to let them assume I am retarded or whatnot. Though the whole campaign to make me invalid makes me want to just stay in jail.

I had a dream I was in the car with Jahon, I was in the back seat of the car and the lady driving in front was sort of trying to tell me via sign language that he wasn't good. I guess it was a breaking motion.

I sort of believed it was Drew's deceased mother trying to warn me not to go to him, but I am not sure.

I came across the infamous IPS drink that that one lady on Youtube was warning people not to drink. I don't know about all the theories around it, but the taste alone is enough for me to not touch the stuff.

I want my world to expand but it always feels like it is shrinking. I guess that's my fult for letting my cautiousness take over for so long. Being force-fed the fear of impulsiveness has lead me to suppress my intuition for so long, the fear has become the self fulfilling prophecy.

This Jail cell might be the safest place for me right now though. I know we're already out of Venus in Neptune but I don't remember what are some of the next astrological events coming up.

I am so tired of living in my head sometimes. I mean for now it is fine since I have nothing else to do, but outside of here it has brought me too much grief and missed opportunities; what if I did accept Jahon's proposal? What if I went with Yuuichirou to live in his grandma's house? I didn't have any dreams with Drew, we just met. But hell, I even had a fantasy of visiting Gio which probably won't amount to anything.

I am aware enough to know Gio is just a shadow of Yuuichirou, who is just a shadow of my first boyfriend, Kenta. This place has taught me to evaluate that aspect and realize the patterned I fall into. Another thing it has taught me is that I have to memorize more phone numbers, haha.

I mean sure, I can connect with people through the ether, but talking directly to people right now is more preferred. I mean, what is the point of me being here at all? I suddenly remembered a time I played with my little dog, Wilkins. I presented him with two toys, when he took one, I took the other. He'd be jealous and want the other one and we'd switch around a few times. Maybe that was the start of Pixie Road.