When a dream becomes a nightmare

As young children we are very often asked what we want to be when we grow up. Many adults ask children this as a way to get to know the things they like to do. Every child has a different idea of their future so the answers can be rather varied. Despite this it seems we all have one or two outrageous ideas in our childhood. Perhaps the most outrageous are those that seem the most normal.

Many children play games in which they pretend to be a teacher and teach their siblings, friends and sometimes even parents. It is a career that is seemingly very normal and idolised by children. Children see a fun and energetic teacher who cares for them and has endless talents. Who wouldn’t want to be that person to someone else, right?

Despite this image it is currently a vastly failing sector in several countries with many experienced and qualified teachers leaving the profession completely. What do the children and parents and everyone outside of education not get to see?

Maybe it’s the constant 70 hour weeks, or the endless amounts of planning and marking, or the relentless weekly work, book and planning scrutinies, the unannounced learning walks and observations and last but not least OFSTED. (The education regulator in the UK). To the outside world we appear to have the perfect 9-5 job with a long holiday each summer. However, most primary school teachers teach us not to judge a book by its cover. I never knew why they were so insistent on it until now.

Teaching is hard. There is no better way to describe it, it is physically and mentally exhausting. But why do so many teachers remain. They are leaving the profession in droves yet it takes a long time for a teacher to reach the end. Why do they do it all for so long? Is it the fear of failure? The stubbornness of not wanting to give up on something you worked so hard for? Or just the sheer love and respect for the children we teach?

As a teacher who has recently left I have to say the reason I stayed for so long was the children. My class were as good as my own kids, I was just as protective, motherly and also frustrated with them as their own parents and its why I held on for so long.

Needless to say once I accepted the fact that my kids were now growing up and would be OK without me it became much easier to leave. I then had the gut wrenching feeling of not being able to hack it. Why could so many others manage but I hadn’t had a day without anti-anxiety medication in years? How could I justify giving up on something I fought so hard to achieve and keep in my life?

Finally, a month after leaving I can say I am free. I am finally stepping away from medication and I do not spend every moment worrying about school and my own ability to do a job I once loved. I am still working with students but as a tutor instead and it has been the best decision I have made since deciding to become a teacher. Teaching is a profession that can very easily define us, it slowly takes hold and we lose our real identity. We become “Miss” or “Sir” and without mentioning teaching we realise we have nothing to talk about in a normal conversation. I am starting to regain my identity and feel like I am not just a teacher. I have more energy to enjoy my weekends, I have more patience for the people I care most about and mostly I do not have to work 70 hour weeks anymore whilst neglecting our personal relationships to ensure our work is done.

What was once a dream, swiftly became a nightmare for me and through speaking to other fellow teachers I realised I was not alone. It seems an endless cycle of working experienced so hard they can no longer bear to teach, alongside training new teachers who need to rely on previously mentioned experienced teachers in order to complete their training, all whilst begging old teachers to return due to the rapidly dwindling numbers of teachers left battling it out in the classroom.

I hope those in charge realise the impact good teachers have and start work to rebuild the profession and ease the load on teachers. There are so many brilliant teachers out there who are teetering on the edge that soon we will no longer have enough teachers to ensure our students and young people’s safety at school. I sincerely hope that changes are made and others who hope to help students and make a difference in their lives are not driven to illness by outrageous expectations and incomprehensible workloads and no one else’s dream becomes a nightmare.