Selah

Sunday mornings are hectic at our house and this morning was no exception. My husband had to be at the church two hours earlier than usual to set up for the livestream and do a sound-check with the band. Our church was having their 149th annual homecoming service, and I was on my own for getting myself, a chocolate mousse pie, and our three kids ready and to church in one piece despite the torrential downpour.

But seeing my little girl in her pink "ballerina" dress made me want to take a moment to watch her dance.

She's never had a lesson, but when she hears the music she moves gracefully, fearlessly and unashamed. When I grow up I want to be more like her.

This morning she wanted to bake with me, to make her own PB&J with a plastic kids' knife... and sure, that made my tasks a little longer but when she's grown, I won't remember the way I had to hurry. I'll only remember the way she got chocolate on her cheeks when she licked the spoon. The way she talked to herself as she spread the sticky jelly while wearing her apron over her fluffy dress and cowgirl boots...

The way she danced.

More than once she'll declare she is dancing with Jesus. But this morning, she just wanted to twirl on our porch to the sound of the rain. And, okay, maybe she also wanted to jump off the porch and into a muddy puddle, but I was able to convince her otherwise.

I know I'm not doing everything right, sometimes I feel like I'm doing very little right, but everything changes when I see her... my feisty, lovely, sweet baby girl. She is passion and confidence, gentleness and playfulness. She is loud and rebellious, and someday she might grow up to make mistakes like her mama... but she will always be this to me. My sunshine. My baby.

My happy.

In the midst of chores, to-do lists, baskets of laundry and demands, Selah has the power to make time stand-still. Her name means to stop and think and that's what I do when I see her. I often catch myself snapping these moments of simplicity and beauty. She's my little model. My baby muse.

While her older brother is creativity, and leadership, always making plans for what's to come, and her baby sister is all joy and diapers, Selah, my middle child makes my world pause long enough to ponder my blessings from God. To appreciate how good I have it.

So baby, if you ever read this, I hope you'll know that all throughout our lives, in our ups and downs, and the disagreements we are sure to have... the secrets you might feel you need to keep from me, the mistakes you will make and the way it will hurt your pride to say you're sorry... I, your mama will always, and I do mean ALWAYS be proud to call you my daughter.

I barely survived you as a threenager so the teen years are a dicey concept in the future, but baby girl someday I know you can change the world. You were never meant to play the background. You were made for something more. So as you grow, as you learn, as you make up your mind about things (the way you did about Santa despite the fact we didn't tell you he was real), and hold strongly to what you believe, I will always be there, praying, gently guiding and helping you see God's hand in every little way.

As you inquire about Him throughout your life.. you walk around fearfully and wonderfully made. A portrait of His goodness and His grace in my life.