Cosmic Souls

“Well good morning sunshine, the Earth says hello,” said a man who was standing above me as I woke up. I had never seen this person before. He was an older gentleman with a snarly white beard while wearing a conductor’s uniform. As I came too, I noticed I was on a fast-moving train with no memory of boarding.

“It is time you get to work my friend.”

Confused, the gentlemen handed me a gold shovel and we walked to the front of the train. Standing in the locomotive, a pile of coal laid before me. A fire box roared with extreme heat awainting to be fed this fossil fuel. Automatically, I began to shovel as if my life depended on it. The older man just watched as he smoked a cigarette.

For some reason I don’t know how I got on this train. The last thing I remember was me getting inside of a taxi. Maybe to come to this train? It dawned on me that I don’t recollect anything prior to waking up.

“Excuse me sir, why am I shoveling coal into this fire box?”

“To make the train move of course! Don’t ask silly questions my boy.”

“Um sir, where are we headed?”

“You will find out after you're done shoveling.”

I looked at this man who I’m assuming is the Conductor with great ponder. He didn’t want to help me, he barely wanted to talk. He just watched out the little train window and smoked his pre-rolls. The man's face was old yet still youthful-- it was very odd.

I kept shoveling for what seemed like a lifetime. Oddly, it didn’t make me tired. It’s as if I had the strength of God with me. In the distance I could hear conversations from other passengers. The faint voices were hard to distinguish from the roaring train but I knew I wasn’t alone. The older man fell asleep while watching me. He was slouched on the wall as his cigarette hanged from his mouth.

I gently put down the shovel and creeped back to the other carts. I slowly made my way back to where I woke up. To my surprise there was no one else here. Maybe I was hearing things from working so hard. In the next cart it was also unoccupied. This train experience was always stumping me. Why am I working on an empty train?

To my discovery, the only passengers on board was the old man and myself. I stepped on the outside balcony of the train to get some air. I looked out onto the tracks and screamed! There were no train tracks as we were suspended in darkness! The only light I could see was from little stars that lit the way. Were we in space? Was this a ride in a theme park? I have no idea how this train is capable of traveling without any tracks--let alone in space! Suddenly, I felt someone grab my shoulder. It was the Conductor and he was upset.

“You are not supposed to leave your post! This train can’t run without you.”

“Why am I here? How am I here? Nothing makes sense! This train is running on non-existing tracks! I hear voices of passengers that don’t exist. Tell me what’s going on or I will jump off!”

The old man looked at me as if I was losing my mind. He laughed to himself and without any hesitation he pushed me off the train. I tried to grab onto the railing but it was too late--everything just went black.

“Well good morning sunshine, the Earth says hello!”

I was greeted by the Conductor at the same spot I woke up in from the start of my journey.

“Did I survive falling off the train?”

“Not exactly my boy. I wish I didn’t have to tell you so early-- but-- your dead. You were dead when you arrived and you will remain on this train until I see you fit to leave.”

My head began to spin; I started to feel light headed. Can dead people even feel light headed? Being told you are dead can make one feel the need to breathe heavy.

“Excuse me sir, are you God?”

“Oh, my dear boy, that is funny because I get that question a lot. I am not God. I am simply a conductor of souls. I decide if you go to heaven or hell.”

“That sounds like a job God would have.”

“Oh-God does have the final say! Your time here on my train dictates if you're even worthy of God’s time.”

“So this is the afterlife?”

“Well, my boy, it’s the start of your afterlife. Once passengers find out this train leads to either heaven or hell, their true intentions start to emerge. If you are evil, you will do whatever it takes to have control of this train. If you are pure, you will work hard to get to heaven.”

It made sense to me-- I couldn't believe this is the last challenge before my final destination. The Conductor began to light another cigarette. I began to take notice of how color chromatic the train decor was. Seats look as if no one has sat in them.

The windows were huge and bubbly--while the floors had the cleanest white carpeting. There were little white lights that guiding the walk way. It was a classic looking train. Outside the windows shined a beautiful galaxy. Stars streamed in rythmic patterns that followed the flow of the train.

My brain was pounding with one question and I sort of blurted out.

“How did I die?”

“That’s the catch, I can’t tell you that. You have recollection once you're closer to your destination. That’s why pushing coal helps clear the mind.”

“So, what you are telling me is in order for me to get off this train-- I have to remember my death?”

The Conductor snapped his fingers and gave a finger point since I was right on the money with my response. We then went back to the front of the train. After seeing that no one else was here, I still kept hearing those soft distant voices.

“Excuse me sir, I keep hearing things but nobody is here.”

“Those voices you hear are called cosmic souls. They don’t make it to either heaven or hell. They got lost in their experience on the train. Try to ignore them. The soft voices will try to deceive you; making it harder for you to remember how you died.”

“Why would they do that?”

“Pure jealousy my boy. You have a chance to get off the train while they are stuck here for eternity.”

I was amazed with how complex this experience is. I was led back to shovel more coal. I started to work really hard because I didn’t want to go to hell. The Conductor just hovered while smoking.

“My name is Finn Heaton by the way.”

“Oh, I know my boy. Realizing your name is the first sign of remembering your past. Congrats on the first milestone.”

He gave me a wink as smoke escaped from his mouth.

“Smoking is bad for your health sir.”

“Finn, I’m the same age as your galaxy. God created me from the stars. Smoking won’t kill me since it has no effect on me. I simply do it for looks more than anything.

To me it’s still a nasty habit but why should I care, I’m dead. When I had that thought I began to tear up. I died and I can’t remember what I left behind. What if I had a family who is missing me? What if I left millions of dollars behind? These questions rush through my head. I kept shoveling coal to center myself through this mental spiral.

Suddenly a huge explosion went off in the other cart. The Conductor went to investigate as I continued to work. As I began to lift more coal into the fire, I heard the Conductor scream for help. When I found him, he was hanging from the edge of the cart. The train had come detached and the floor was crumbling away. The old man was holding on to dear life.

“Grab my hand my boy! Help me back onto the train. If I fall off, you will become a cosmic soul!”

I rushed to help him until I heard a soft voice speak to me.

“Let the old man fall, we can take the train to heaven. We don’t need him,” said a phantom voice.

I knew it was a cosmic soul trying to control the situation but there voice grew louder. The old man cried out for my help and I became so confused. What if the cosmic soul was right? I can control the train and just go straight to heaven. Skip all of this nonsense. I looked down at the Conductor who was grasping for my assistance.

My hand swung out to help him up. He grasped firmly as I lifted him back on to the train. Suddenly, the once destroyed train cart became normal again.

“That was a test my boy and you passed! Good thing you didn’t listen to those cosmic souls or this train would have dropped straight to hell.”

“Really? They told me to kill you and take the train to heaven!”

“Yup, never trust those mischief little devils."

“Has any of the cosmic souls escaped the train?”

“Oh no my boy. Those souls are trapped on this vessel. They are jealous of you and would rather see you fail than succeed.”

“Suddenly a memory came back to me. I died quickly and painless. Am I right?”

“Yes. Unfortunately, it was a fast death. Those you left behind didn’t see it coming. Because you saved me in your first test--it allowed you to remember.”

“Will every test be so dramatic?”

The Conductor laughed and walked back to the front of the train. I started to shovel coal again once we arrived. It did seem like a pointless task but I guess what they say is true, an idle mind is the devil’s playground. It dawned on me if I stop, would the train cease to move? So-- I decided to see what would happen.

“My boy you are not finish yet, keep going!”

“No! I want to see what this train will do if I stop listening to you.”

“Oh no my boy, don’t turn against me now. You have to keep working or you won’t make it! You are almost there my son!”

“I want to see if I can control the train without shoveling this stupid coal into this stupid fire box!”

“Finn, don’t let your mind become idle! This will send you to the depths below! I know you're capable of so much more!”

Suddenly the train’s direction began to change. It felt like we were going down. The temperature of the caboose became warmer. The speed of the train felt weightless as we gained momentum without the help of my coal services. Was this it? I go to hell just to see this chaos unfold. My thought process seemed backwards but I wanted to know how I died. The Conductor was holding himself upward in the corner of the room. His eyes were shut tight, scared of what I might do. I surprised him and began to shovel again. Suddenly the train began to shutter and change directions . We were going back on track as it were. The Conductor shook his head in disbelief.

“Finn, if you ever lose control like that again, there is no helping you on where this train lets you off.”

I just put my head down and continued shoveling. It was so sudden when these dark thoughts came over me. I believed if I worked hard, I wouldn’t turn evil. I guess it depends more on the balance of my journey than my task at hand. I apologized to the Conductor but he didn’t seem fazed.

“Sir, is there a time limit to my experience on this train?”

“The longer you take, the harder it is to get off. So I guess yes, there is a time limit but not an exact number I can give you Finn.”

I began to feel worried. I sat down for a second to try to really think about what had happened to me. I didn’t know how to figure out how I died. I want to get to heaven so badly. So I began to pray to God to see if he would help me.

“Dear Lord,

I know I am in my final quest to either heaven or hell. I want to meet you and whatever family I have. The only issue is; I can’t remember them. I do not remember my life before this train. I need your help to get me closer to you. Please help me remember God. Amen.”

As my eyes opened after the prayer, I wasn’t on the train anymore. I was getting into a taxi on a desolate street in New York City. When I opened the door, a strange man put a gun to my head. Across from me, I saw a woman get into the other side of the vehicle. It was my wife and she hadn’t noticed the mugger holding me hostage.

“Give me your wallet and your watch or I will kill you where you stand,” said the mugger.

The taxi driver honked his horn for me to hurry up. The mugger shoved the gun into my head again to let me know he was in a hurry too. It is sad how everyone was so busy to go somewhere yet not busy enough to pay attention to what’s going on around them. My beautiful wife noticed I was taking long and stuck her head up to see what the issue was.

“Finn my love, what are you do---.”

Before she could utter her full sentence; as the golden sunset hit her beautiful face, so did my blood. She screamed in horror while scaring the mugger away. My wife ran to my side yelling for help. Her voice cracked with heartbreak as she went to hold my body. By the time she reached me I had already passed away. When I closed my eyes, my wife’s face started to fade and I was back on the train.

I found myself sitting in the passenger car wearing a white suit. The Conductor came over to me and had a different outfit on. His clothes were a pearl white uniform. His wild beard was groomed and he had silver star cufflinks on his wrist. The older man handed me a tissue as he sat next to me.

“It hurts to remember ha, Finn?”

When he said that I started to cry uncontrollably. Leaving my wife behind in such a tragic way made me want to go back. Everything felt so unfair. Through my gasping voice, I tried to talk through my tears.

“Was it my turn to go, Sir? I was murdered; my life cut short.”

“Well, Finn, some people are capable of evil things that can end our lives unexpectedly. We are promised a lifetime once we are born. Whether that is sixty years or two minutes, we have to appreciate what we are given and always know we will return home.”

As the Conductor finished his statement he patted me on the back for comfort. Soon my tears began to slow down and so did the train.

“It’s your stop my friend. Finn-- I will make sure your wife arrives safe once it's her time. Until we meet again, please watch your step while leaving my train.”

The Conductor gave me a smile as he helped me to the exit of the train. I felt whole again while walking off the steps. I saw pearl gates and a bright path that led upwards. My insides felt like shimmering gold, as if a chorus of angels began to sing within me. It was a realization that my soul was healed; it was a realization I was finally home.