"Hold My Hand, Please?"

"Hold my hand, please?"

"Is it starting, babe? We just took off!"

"Yes, please, hold my hand."

"Here, babe, don't squeeze too hard."

"You know I might."

"What do you do when I am not next to you?"

"Hold on to the arm rests."

"Oh, okay."

"Is it really as easy as riding a bus for you, babe?"

"Oh, that's a good analogy. Yes, it's like riding a bus for me. Just a bus in the air."

"Busses are on the ground. That's the biggest difference for me. I'd rather take a train or a bus, even if it takes longer."

"I like trains, too. Busses, not so much. Besides, no busses from New York to Dublin."

"Oh, I can feel we are climbing up with all of my body. I'd rather have taken a boat."

"Take a deep breath, babe. The boat would have taken weeks."

"They've built a train line from London to Paris under the Channel. Why can't they do it from Dublin to New York? Or Boston, at least?"

"I appreciate your sense of humor, babe. You're so pale! Want some water?"

"No, not right now. My stomach is in my throat, I don't think it'll take in anything now. Oh, this feels nice!"

"What?"

"You stroking my arm gently. Please don't stop."

"Ok."

"Thank you. This steep incline really does nothing to you, babe?"

"Nope. Well, pressure in my ears but I can just swallow and it goes away."

"Yeah, pressure in my ears is nothing for me too. Easy to handle."

"Right? But nothing else for me. I've been flying since I was 10, so it's pretty habitual to me."

"I've been flying since before I turned 3."

"I know, both you and your mom told me. She said you used to be such an easy, happy, and relaxed flyer."

"Yeah, I was such a curious flying kid that pilots often showed me the cockpit. I used to be such a happy flyer."

"Not just as a kid. I remember that too, but we haven't flown anywhere together since we had Rosie. When did this start, exactly?"

"Last year, when a lot of dispatchers got fired and planes started to drop from the sky and lots of airlines started to have all sorts of maintenance and malfunction accidents."

"They were still pretty rare, babe."

"Five accidents in 30 days in January-February last year, in the US only, is not rare."

"They seem to have put their act back together. I haven't heard of any accidents recently."

"I know."

"But your fear is still there? You are tensing up, babe, so rigid, and what's with the trembling?"

"I'm sorry, babe, I can't control it. Every time we take off, go through turbulence, and land, I just can't..."

"You are scaring me, babe, and hurting my hand. Can you stop shaking so hard? It's pretty scary."

"I know, babe, I'm sorry. I can't control it."

"We'll get to the right altitude soon. Is it just a little bad sensation in your tummy? Like it's dropping?"

"Yes, dropping and then going up to my throat. But it's not just little, it's bad."

"Take a deep breath, babe. Breathe in through your nose with me, 1-2-3, breathe out through your mouth 1-2-3-4. Again, breathe in 1-2-3, breathe out 1-2-3-4."

"Never imagined this is where our Lamaze classes would come in handy."

"Good thing your mom is taking care of Rosie for our trip. I wouldn't want her to see her daddy like this."

"Weak and scared?"

"Pale and shaking like a leaf. Your knuckles are all white and you're still hurting my hand."

"Sorry, babe. Is this better?"

"A little. Just breathe, babe. Try to visualize your happy place."

"My happy place is with you."

"Aww, thanks, babe. But where? Certainly not on this plane?"

"It's wherever you are, babe. Even on the plane."

"You mean this gets worse when I'm not with you??"

"Much, much worse. Like a full-blown panic attack with gasping for air and hurling into a fetus position worse."

"You are not kidding, are you, babe?"

"Nope. On one flight, a flight attendant had to re-seat me alone in the back of the plane because I was making other passengers uncomfortable."

"Oh my god, babe! Did you sit there all alone the entire flight?"

"Yes. It actually was better, other people were spared."

"Was it bad turbulence?"

"Yes, horrible. We were going through a bad storm. It was like a violent up-'n-down roller coaster that also wanted to go sideways. At the same time."

"I'm so sorry, babe. I wish I were there. But you know all planes are designed to sustain very bad turbulence, right?"

"I know."

"And knowing this doesn't help?"

"Not really..."

"And praying? I know you pray before and during the flight."

"It helps some. I can't even imagine how much worse it would have been if I didn't."

"I pray for you all the time too."

"I know. Thank you, babe. Well, it feels better now that we are flying steady at the right altitude. You can have your hand back."

"Ooofff, thank you. This was pretty bad, babe. And since you fly so often, like at least once a month, is it? Maybe it's time to think about changing jobs?"

"You know that I love my job! Pretty good at it too. And it gives us the financial stability we need."

"Excuse me for inserting myself into your conversation, but you are sitting right next to me and I can hear everything."

"We are so sorry!.. We didn't mean to disturb you."

"That's not why I've decided to speak up. I just wanted to say that you have nothing to be ashamed of, young man, a lot of people suffer from aerophobia."

"I know. But it's new to me. I used to love flying! Still love to travel, especially internationally. They send me to work all over the world, and I love it! But it's getting harder as my neurosis seems to be getting worse with every flight."

"It does because it stays untreated."

"Excuse me, are you a therapist?"

"As a matter of fact, I am. And I work with aerophobia clients as well. You keep citing him the facts about the safety of flying, young lady, but it doesn't help because knowledge is rational and fear is not. I bet he can give you all the facts and statistics about the airplane accidents for the last year off the top of his head."

"I can, indeed. I know rationally that flying is safe, but as you said, emotionally it's a miserable experience for me."

"So, what's your biggest fear? What is really causing this at the root? What kind of pictures are flashing in your head when the fear is taking over you?"

"That the plane will crash and I will free fall and die a painful death on impact. Or that I will become permanently disabled."

"Will it help if I tell you that if you fall from that high of an altitude you'd more likely die from a heart attack in free fall than on impact?"

"Oh. My. God! What kind of a therapist are you? Why would you say such a horrible thing?"

"It's okay, babe, it actually does help. Heart attack is quick and final; death from impact is scary and painful. Thank you very much, it actually does help. Will you take me on as a client?"

"You are an interesting case, developing aerophobia as an experienced flyer and adult, to this extend. I actually would be interested in taking you on as a client."

"Really? You are not joking, right?"

"Why would I joke about something like this? We do need to make sure that your insurance will cover it. I'm pretty expensive, you know, with my counseling degree from UC Berkley. But for you, I'd do it over Zoom, too. Here's my card..."

"Thank you, I have good insurance through work. I'll definitely be in touch!"

"Thank you so much! I've been trying to convince him to go to a therapist forever! We are so lucky to sit next to you! Are you feeling better, babe?"

"Much better already, babe."