Soup & Saltines

Lulu's eyes dart quickly around the convenience store, alighting briefly on each customer to see if they're looking her way. She sees a teen girl with a fussy baby on her hip, frowning as she looks at the meager selection of diapers. An old man is lifting a case of beer from the cooler, whistling as he tucks it under his arm. In the next aisle, two boys around her age are picking out candy, laughing and shoving each other, dropping loud F-bombs that probably make them feel older and cooler than they are. She rolls her eyes, even though she thinks one of them is kind of cute.

None of the store's patrons are paying attention to her, so that only leaves the cashier, a middle-aged Indian woman with kind and weary eyes. She was nice to Lulu the last time she came to this store, and Lulu feels a stab of guilt remembering how the woman went out of her way to make small talk and ask her about school. She seems busy now, bending to retrieve something behind the check-out counter, which means it's the perfect time for Lulu to make her move.

Heart pounding, hands shaking, she takes a small box of Saltine crackers and drops it into her bookbag. Next, she grabs two cans of Campbell's soup. They disappear into the bag, too, the new heft of it an assurance that she won't be going home empty-handed. The rowdy boys are now at the counter paying for their candy - the perfect distraction - so she moves to the next aisle and swipes a Twix. Then it's on to the deli section, where she grabs a string cheese and a waxy red apple. She can feel she's running out of both luck and space, so Lulu picks up her one legitimate purchase and walks to the counter, trying to keep her face neutral.

The cashier recognizes her and smiles, her brown eyes as warm and friendly as Lulu remembered. Lulu places a single blueberry muffin on the counter and gives her a smile in return, hoping it doesn't look as wobbly as it feels.

"Ah, my friend," the cashier says, and Lulu almost winces. This would be easier if the woman wasn't so nice. "How was school today? Did you tell me you're in sixth grade?"

"I'm in fifth," Lulu says. "And it was okay, thanks." Then, when the woman seems to expect more: "We're reading Sign of the Beaver. It's really good."

The cashier nods. "Yes, a classic! My son also read it, many years ago."

Lulu counts out nickels and dimes for payment, the cashier watching her steadily. When she looks up, the woman seems about to say something else, but then simply thanks Lulu and tells her to have a great night. Lulu walks out of the store, muffin in hand, her bag heavy but her heart light as she realizes she got away with it again. Even the gnawing guilt can't suppress her excitement. This is the best haul she's had in a while, and the adrenaline coursing through her body makes her feel like she could sprint all the way home.

As she crosses the parking lot, she sees the girl with the baby, struggling to strap him into a car seat as he wails and shakes his tiny fists. Lulu briefly considers asking for a ride - she has a long walk home - but immediately thinks better of it. The other girl clearly has her hands full and besides, Lulu's taken enough risks for one day. She doesn't need to add hitchhiking to her list of transgressions.

Lulu leaves what qualifies as "town" and starts walking down the country road, dust kicking up from her shoes in small puffs, bag full of treasure bouncing against her hip. She still has two miles to go until she reaches the small farmhouse where she lives with Mama and the twins. Mama says it used to be a working farm, once upon a time, but now the fields are overgrown with weeds and the faded red barn is home only to families of owls. Their bight, round eyes peer at Lulu from the darkness whenever she's brave enough to peek inside, reminding her of the glittering diamonds the dwarves mine for in Snow White. Heigh-ho, heigh-ho, it's home from work we go. Unlike the seven dwarves, Lulu knows her work won't be over when she gets home tonight.

When she finally trudges up her long, gravel driveway, a barn owl swoops low over her head, startling her so badly she almost drops the muffin. She knows it's just her guilty conscious making her feel like she's being hunted, but still she hurries the rest of the way to the house, exhaling with relief as she lets herself in the front door. Most of the lights are off, and Dahlia and Daisy sit in the glow of the television, their little eyes glued to a movie Lulu picked up for them at the library last week - Finding Nemo. Lulu rushes to flip on the lights. She hates to see her sisters sitting in the dark all by themselves.

"Hey, guys!" she says, breaking the magical Disney spell, and they finally run to hug her, jumping up and down with excitement over the mysteries that await in her bag. "Hold on, hold on!" Lulu says with a laugh. "I have a surprise for you, but it has to wait 'til after dinner."

Shooing the kids back to their movie, Lulu spreads her bounty out on the kitchen counter. She wraps the muffin in a paper towel, quickly, before she can be tempted to take a bite, and places it in the fridge for the twins' breakfast tomorrow. They'll each get half a muffin and some apple slices - not a bad meal at all, she thinks. Lulu dumps both cans of soup into a pot and starts heating it on the stove. When it's hot and bubbly, she pours half into a bowl for Mama, arranging Saltines around the edge like crispy flower petals. She carries the bowl into the bedroom, where her mother is curled up with her face to the wall.

"I have dinner for you, Mama," Lulu whispers. Loud noises make the headaches worse. She approaches the bed slowly, as if it's a bomb that could go off at any moment. "Soup and Saltines. Your favorite."

Mama lets out a soft groan, but doesn't move. Lulu sets the bowl gently on the rickety bedside table. She'll give Mama thirty minutes, then she'll take it away and eat it herself. She can't let anything go to waste. Although Lulu's stomach is grumbling, she truly hopes Mama eats the whole meal this time. She seems to be growing smaller by the day, her frail body hardly making a dent in the mattress.

Returning to the kitchen, Lulu divides the remaining soup into two plastic bowls for Daisy and Dahlia, and gives them each a piece of string cheese and several crackers. Their little tummies will be full tonight. Hers will be empty (unless she ends up eating Mama's dinner) but she knows she was lucky to get breakfast and lunch at school - she doubts Mama fed the twins all day. Besides, on Sunday she'll get to pick up groceries from the free pantry at the church. It's already Thursday, so they should be able to stick it out until then.

When the twins have eaten every morsel of their dinner, Lulu gives them their surprise - the Twix package containing two heavenly chocolate bars, perfectly matched, just like them - and they all snuggle on the couch to read the twins' favorite book, Green Eggs and Ham. Lulu heard somewhere that kids' brains grow the most before age five, so she makes sure to read to the twins every night. She can't wait for them to turn five next year so they can go to kindergarten. Then, not only will they get free meals like she does, but she'll know they're safe and cared for during the day. She hates leaving them at home, with Mama in bed all the time, but she knows she needs to go to school if she wants to make things better for all of them. She dreams of being a doctor - she's always loved science - with a big, clean house and a refrigerator crammed full of food. Maybe, Lulu thinks, she can even find a cure for Mama. Make her headaches disappear so she can go back to work and be normal again.

Later, after Lulu has bathed the little girls and tucked them into bed, after she's eaten the bowl of soup that Mama didn't touch and washed all the dishes, she hears a soft knock on the door. Lulu peeks through the curtains - and her heart sinks to the floor. The cashier with the kind, brown eyes is standing on her front porch, a plastic bag in her hands. Lulu knows she shouldn't open the door to strangers, but, well, this woman isn't exactly a stranger, is she? She takes a deep breath and pulls the door open.

"Hello," the woman says with a smile. "Please forgive me, but I followed you earlier - at a distance, so you wouldn't be frightened. I wanted to be sure to return the bag you left behind." She holds out the plastic bag, and Lulu takes it without a word. A quick glance tells her it contains another box of Saltines, two cans of soup, two apples, two string cheese sticks, and two Twix bars. Her mouth drops open in surprise as her cheeks simultaneously grow hot with shame. The woman obviously saw everything Lulu took earlier. You idiot, Lulu rages at herself. You thought you were so smart, and now you've ruined everything.

"I - I . . " Lulu tries to speak, but the words catch in her throat. "I'm so sorry."

"No need to apologize," the woman says, and when she winks, Lulu feels her shame lift like mist, curling up and away into the night sky. "As I said, you left this bag behind, and I had a feeling it might be important."

Lulu gapes at her. "Are you serious?"

The woman looks at her thoughtfully. "You seem like a good girl. I think you're doing what you need to do. For yourself . . . and maybe someone else?"

Lulu swallows hard, nods. "I have two little sisters. Our mom, she's not well . . ."

The woman smiles at her. "See? I was right. A good girl looking out for her family. I'm even more pleased now that I was able to return your groceries to you."

Lulu feels like she might cry from sheer relief. "Thank you. Thank you so much. I'm Lulu, by the way."

"It's nice to meet you, Lulu. I'm Seema. Please come visit me again. You just let me know what you need, and we'll work something out. Okay?"

"Okay," says Lulu. "I will. Thank you so, so much."

Seema smiles and turns away, and Lulu is left with a bag full of food and a tiny sprout of hope in her heart. She feels special - chosen - for the first time that she can remember. She closes her eyes and wings a promise up to God, or whoever it was that sent Seema into her life, that she will pay this forward someday. She can't help but grin as she closes the door, secure in the knowledge that a full belly - and a new friend - are in her immediate future.

The End.