Time's Passed

In was mid-June in 1816, the sky was clear, the sun was bright. I could hear the horse-drawn carriages moving down the street. This was one of the most beautiful mornings in Liverpool. As I walked the grounds of my estate, I could feel the warm breeze graze my skin. In the distance I could hear the sea as the tides rushed up the shore to the beach. I sat down at the table on the back veranda, my companion was still sleeping. During these times it was illegal to be in the company of the same gender in such an intimate manner. Vera also preferred women, as much as I preferred the company of men. We have a mutual agreement that we will never marry, but will also keep our real relationship a secret, which was only friendship.

My parents knew, my father didn’t take it well, my mother informed me in private that she would never look down on me for my life choices, I will always be the little boy that she carried for 9 months. Even though she was a member of the ton. My father on the other hand, he’s more ashamed to speak of it to anyone. I like to let him believe that I wouldn’t be where I am now in life because of him. Granted, he did get me started in this venture, but I have made my own business out of it, I figured my private business dealings wasn’t his business to begin with. Alas, he’s still my father and I will always love him. Even if I don’t agree with the way he treats me at times.

A few moments later, I heard my front door open and close and a female singing. I smiled to myself as I set the papers, I was looking over down on the table. My servant Collin came out onto the veranda to refill my morning tea. He was an older gentleman, who when I first hired him, I felt he was more suitable as something else, but the man insisted on being one of my servants.

The singing grew louder as my servant set another drink down and took his leave. My mother strolled out onto the veranda, continued singing, clearly lost in her reverie. I stood up from where I was seated and kissed her cheek in greeting.

“Mother, so wonderful to see you.” I smiled.

My mother stopped singing and smiled back, “My dear boy, have you been eating?”

“Of course, I have, must you always fret on my eating habits?”

My mother Catherine, just laughed, “I am your mother.” I shook my head, clearly seeing the point. My mother was a beautiful woman, although she was in her early 40s and my father was in his late 50s, the age gap was quite common during these times. Raven dark hair, standing at 5 foot 6 inches, she still doesn’t look a day over 30.

Collin returned to my presence with the mail. I began sorting it and noticed an envelope from Lord Byron. The rest were just bills which I will give to my accountant later.

“It appears I have received a letter from Lord Byron, whom I haven’t seen since I was a wee boy.” I opened the envelop and noticed it was an invitation to one of his parties. I don’t much care for these lavish parties, but when you have money, you’re always expected to show. My mother knows how much I despise the ton; they are normally at these parties. Gossipmongers, the lot of them.

“What is it, my dear?” My mother asked, breaking me from my thoughts.

“He personally sent me an invitation to a party he’s having in Paris later this week.” A thought crossed my mind and I set the invitation and envelope down on the table and continued to cast my gaze at it, completely lost in thought.

“Bastien, is everything alright?”

I looked up at my mother and nodded, “Yes mother, my apologies. If you could excuse me, I should probably get ready to go into town.”

“But, darling, I’ve only just arrived.” The woman protested.

I stood up from my chair, walked over to where mother was seated and kissed her on the cheek, “I do apologize mother, I promise I will make it up to you.”

My mother knew what was bothering me in that moment, but she chose to remain quiet. She knows the relationship with my father hasn’t been the best since I came out to them. In all fairness, ever since I was a child, I felt closer to my mother than my father, considering my father was mostly absent due to work.

As I walked into the house, I almost ran into Vera. “My apologies Vera, I hadn’t realized you were awake.”

The woman chuckled a little, “Not a worry Bastien. I haven’t been awake for too long; I should have been watching where I was going.”

I smiled at her, I may not be interested in her in that way, but I’ve always enjoyed Vera’s company. She has always been a great companion whenever we’ve gone to parties, at least the ladies know to keep their hands off me. I couldn’t ask for a better arrangement.

“Lord Byron invited us to France to one of his parties, we will leave first thing in the morning, I do need to stop by my parents’ estate for a few to go over a few things with my father.” I said.

The woman made a gaging sound, showing her distaste for my father.

“I know how you feel about my father, my dear,” I sighed, “He is still my father.”

Vera nodded and replied, “Forgive me, Bastien. That was in poor taste.”

“Not a worry my dear Vera, I didn’t take offense.” Smiling, I continued, “If you could, send word to Paris and let them know we will be there in the afternoon tomorrow?”

“Right away my dear, I will have everything prepared upon your return.” Vera said.

“I don’t know what I would do without you, you’ve always been a blessing to me in disguise.”

“My feelings are mutual love.” I kissed her on the cheek and donned my hat then took my leave out the front door where my carriage was waiting.

“Robert that sale was supposed to be finalized last week, now myself and the misses are expected in France by the end of the day tomorrow and won’t be back for a couple months. Now get me the papers by morning so I can sign them before I leave.” I said, clearly losing my patience. Ever since that hotel on Houlgrave St. went up for sale a year ago, I have been working myself to the bone to purchase it.

“Bastien, I do apologize for the lateness of this.”

I slammed my hand down on my desk and said, “You will need to do better than that my old friend, the sellers want to sell, and I want to buy it. Do I need to contact James?” I asked.

“That won’t be necessary sir, I will have the papers ready by morning for you to sign.” Robert said.

“See that…” Suddenly the door opened, and the children came rushing in and ran up to me. “What is the meaning of this?” Confused by the intrusion.

“I apologize Bastien, it seems the children couldn’t wait to tell you the news.” Vera explained.

“Oh?” I cleared my throat, “Oh, it’s quite alright, we were just finished. I will see you in the morning Robert.”

Robert nodded in my direction, smiled at the children, turned towards Vera, and bowed his head slightly, “My lady.” Vera smiled.

As soon as the door closed behind the man, I looked at the children and asked, “Ok shoot.”

The children smiled and Thea replied, “We learned how to read.”

“In less than 20 minutes?”

Sam looked at one of the papers on my desk and pointed to a sentence on one of them and said, “My lord Bastien, I do look forward to seeing you again…”

“Ahem, ok well, that’s enough of that. I’m so proud of you both.” I looked up at Vera who was stifling a laugh behind her hand. There was a knock on the door, “Enter!”

A servant came in and said, “Dinner is served.”

“Thank you kindly, Theodore. Let’s go children.” As I walked past Vera, she was still trying to stifle a laugh. I just grinned at her and whispered, “Not one word.”

I followed the children out of my office and just shook my head.

The night was clear, the air was still, I could hear the sea in the distance. My thought’s drifted back a few centuries.

“Kyrin.” I whispered to myself. My heart ached for his touch. “Derek.” I whispered my son’s name. The tears began to spill, I began clutching my face, quietly sobbing, missing my family. For so long, I have been searching for them, living lives that were never my own, but it was the way the God’s and Goddess’ intended, I was one of their most humbled servants.

I vowed that I would find all of them one day. One day… Over many lifetimes I kept telling myself that. Maybe I will find the answers I’ve been searching for soon since in a few months I will be meeting up with someone in Dublin, Ireland.

Moments later, I heard a voice which broke me from my trance.

“Bastien! Bastien, sweetie, are you ok?” Vera asked.

I didn’t realize I was sitting on the ground. After I got to my feet, Vera pulled me into an embrace. That’s when she noticed I was sobbing.

She began wiping my tears away, but they just kept coming, “Hey, hey, what’s going on love. I’m here. Is it about the children?”

“That’s part of it, the rest you wouldn’t understand.” I replied through tears.

“Try me.” Vera challenged.

I took a deep breath and started from the beginning, detailing everything I remember. When I finally finished, she just shook her head.

“Good thing is, I don’t believe you’ve gone mad. Those weren’t bloody fake tears, they were real. You’ve been searching for them this long?” She asked.

I nodded.

“I have faith that you will find them, they can’t hide forever.” She said with a smile.

I laughed, knowing full well why she did that. Wiping the tears from my eyes, I said, “I believe it’s time for bed, thank you for not believing I’m some mad person Vera. You truly are a blessing.”

“Honey, we’re both mad to a certain degree. You enjoy the company of men and I enjoy the company of women, plus we’re hiding it. If that doesn’t make us mad, what does?”

Chuckling, I replied, “Fair enough. We better get some sleep, still need to stop at my parent’s estate in the morning before I come back here and get you.”

Vera nodded and escorted me into the house. I retired to my room and as soon as I relieved myself of my day clothing and slipped into my night attire, I climbed into bed, and fell asleep instantly.

The next morning was no different than the previous, Robert came by after breakfast and he came through on his promise with the papers. I signed them and he was quickly on his way to get them to my attorney James to make them official.

Before heading out the door, I kissed Vera on the cheek and hugged the children. Our bags were all ready to go in the front entryway. Vera walked me out to the carriage.

“Be careful please, I love you.” She said.

I laughed for a few moments, then replied, “Don’t you worry about a thing, I love you too. I shouldn’t be long, then I will be back to get you.”

“Now there’s another reason for me to think you are mad.” She said with a grin.

I just shook my head and just smiled, “You are a real piece of work.”

“You’re welcome.” Vera said.

“That wasn’t a compliment, and you know it.” I replied.

She laughed loudly on that, saying, “That’s ok, I took it as one.”

“Bye Vera.”

The woman smiled and placed a kiss on my cheek. She closed the door to the carriage and we both just continued looking at each other as the carriage began to pull away from the estate. I smiled at her until she was out of sight.

“You are one lucky man, Lord Bastien.” My driver Lonny said.

“She’s a lot of work Lonny.”

“That may be true, but one of the best women any man could ask for.”

“You are right about that, my friend.”

I sat there in the carriage and just sighed. My gaze remained transfixed out of the side window until we reached my parents estate, which was only a few blocks away from mine.

As soon as the carriage came to a stop in front of my parent’s house, I placed my hat on top of my head, held it in place as I stepped out onto the grounds. Unlike my estate, my parent’s house was 3 stories, as opposed to mine which was only one. My father enjoyed showing off his wealth, I preferred simple.

I walked up to the door and before I could knock, the door swung open and there was my mother Catherine staring back at me, smiling from ear to ear.

“Good morning mother.” I said as I stepped through the doorway, placing a kiss on her cheek.

My mother wrapped her arms around me and replied, “Good morning my darling. Where’s Vera?”

“She’s at home with our guests. I’m not going to be long anyway, need to be in Paris by the evening.”

My mother let me go and said, “I won’t keep you then, your father is in his study.”

I smiled at my mother and kissed her cheek again, then walked down the hall to my father’s office and knocked on the door.

“Enter!”

I opened the door and there was my father, Cedric Camden the 3rd.

“Oh, it’s you.” He said.

I just rolled my eyes, “You were expecting me this morning.”

“Oh yes, let’s get down to business.”

“Yes please, something came up and I need to be in Paris by this evening.” I said, wishing that I bit my tongue.

“Paris, why on Earth do you need to go to Paris this time of year.” My father asked.

“I received an invitation from Lord Byron yesterday morning.”

“He more than likely wants to sleep with you.”

“Father, how the hell can you say that? He has been a good friend to me since my childhood.” I retorted.

“Don’t you take that tone with me boy!” He yelled.

I sighed and stood up from my seat and said, “Why do you have to be such a pompous ass? It’s obvious it was a mistake coming here.”

“No, you were a mistake!”

I grit my teeth, remained quiet as I grabbed my hat, grabbed the doorknob, and pulled open the door. My heart was beating rapidly in my chest and was on the verge of tears, but I certainly wasn’t going to allow my father to have the satisfaction of knowing that he struck this kind of nerve.

“Good-bye father.” Was all I said and slammed the door behind me.

I could hear my mother sobbing in the other room.

Then I heard my father yell from the other side of the door, “You are no longer my son! And you are no longer in my will!”

“That’s fine, I don’t need your money, I have my own! You forget you brought me into this business and now I make more than you!”

“Get out!”

I just shook my head, holding onto the tears that threatened to spill for as long as I could. I finally reached the front door and took my leave from the home I grew up in. Climbed into my carriage and sat down on the bench. My mother apparently wasn’t far behind and climbed in next to me.

“Don’t leave yet Lonny.” I turned to my mother and said, “I’m sorry mother.”

Catherine still had tears in her eyes and shook her head, “Bastien, no, this isn’t your fault. You have no reason to be sorry.”

My heart was still beating rapidly, I just sat there taking slow, deep breaths until it calmed itself.

“I’m going to give him all the time he needs, I just can’t come by this house until then, however long that will be.” I finally said.

My mother just wrapped her arms around me and said, “You will always be that boy that I raised, you will always be my son. I love you Bastien.”

“I know mother, I love you too. I will always love father to, even if he is being hard-headed right now.” I really don’t want to break down in front of my mother right now, but it feels like I’m going to.

She removed her arms from around me and sat back a bit, “That’s the understatement of the century.” My mother paused for a moment, then as if realizing the time, she said, “I better get back into the house, don’t need your father thinking I ran away with you, which I’d honestly love to.”

That made me laugh, “You know where to find me when I’m back in town mother.”

The woman chuckled warmly and replied, “That I do. Try to send me word upon your return.”

“I will mother.” I said kissing her cheek.

Catherine Camden quickly got out of the carriage and hurried back into the house.

“We may go now Lonny.” I said.

“Yes sir.”

I know full well I wouldn’t be able to hold back the tears with Vera, if the previous night was any indication, she will always be here for me.

When we arrived at my estate, I was feeling numb from holding back the tears. As the carriage came to a stop, the door to the house swung open, Vera and the children came out with some of the servants, as well as the second driver, who were carrying the bags. I opened the door to the carriage and just took one look at Vera and she instantly knew what had happened. Our armed escort came trotting up on their horses. The road to Paris was going to be long and dangerous. Her expression turned sour, and she just nodded in my direction.

“You kids behave while Lady Vera and I are away.” I said.

“We will Lord Bastien.” Thea said.

I gave the best smile I could muster. “From now on, you both can call me Bastien.”

“Yes Lord… I mean Bastien.” Sam said giggling at his own error.

That gave me plenty of reason for a real smile.

“Ok, we are ready, we will send for you both in a few days. Bastien and I need some time together.”

I hid behind the wall of the carriage and just waved my hand outside of the carriage, clearly not showing the children how red my face got.

After Vera closed the door to the carriage and sat next to me, I whispered, “Bitch.”

“What?” She laughed. “Oh.” She said after noticing my face, she just continued laughing.

I just shook my head and just sighed. As soon as we were down the street, she looked over at me again and asked, “Now what the hell happened?”

Damn it! That’s when the flood gates opened and I said, “My father disowned me.”

“Bloody hell, the bloody arse.” She paused for a moment and leaned in to hold me, “Bastien, I’m sorry. Let it out love, it will be ok. Hey, you still have people who love you. I know it hurts.

“I know, it’s just been a trying morning. I don’t even know what to do Vera. When I walked into his office, he said “Oh, it’s you.” I didn’t really think anything of it, until I accidentally mentioned the invitation from Lord Byron.”

“Why should that even matter?”

“He accused Lord Byron of inviting me for sex.”

“Now that’s just rich, you’re not even interested in him at all, he may get flirtatious, even to me, but what the bloody hell?” Vera explained.

I remained quiet for a time, waiting for my tears to subside, Vera was still holding me as I rested my head on her shoulder. When they finally did, we had already reached the outskirts of Liverpool. Thank the God’s the nose from the horses and carriage was too loud for everyone to hear our conversation.

Ended up staying in France for three months instead of the usual two, the children seemed to enjoy themselves which made both Vera and I happy. I did send a letter to my attorney James and had him look into any family members both Sam and Thea had, and it turned out none of them wanted them. Which prompted us to become legal guardians of the children.

Over time the children began calling us mother and father, which Vera and I didn’t mind, we rather enjoyed it.

Years later I received a summons from my mother, letting me know that my father wanted to speak to me. Something felt off, I know he’s been sick for a couple of years, so I feared the worst.

Vera and I arrived at my parent’s house and their butler greeted me upon my arrival.

“Lord Bastien, you’re father and mother are awaiting you in their room.” The man said and my heart sank. My worse fear was proven to be true when I opened the door and saw my father lying in bed.

“Father!” I rushed to his side, I noticed my mother was weeping, she stood up to allow me to sit in there chair next to his father.

“Bastien, my son.” He said in a low hoarse whisper and coughed. “Please forgive me for the way I’ve treated you.”

The tears started to flow, Vera walked up behind me and placed her hand on my shoulder. She was starting to tear up herself.

“Father, I had already forgiven you.” Vera removed her hand from my shoulder and held my mother, I leaned over to lay my head on his chest as the tears continued to flow. His heart was slowly holding on.

“Makes me happy to hear that my son, I love you more than life itself, always remember that.”

I lifted myself up to where I could lean on the bed so I could look into my father’s eyes, “I’ve always known that you did, and I never stopped loving you either. You’re my father, even after everything, how could I stop?” I replied.

I looked down for a moment and placed my hand in his. He welcomed it and held mine, the tears came on stronger now.

“I never removed you from my will, please take care of your mother. And Vera, thank you for everything you have done for my son and everything you will do in the future.”

Vera smiled, despite her tears, she held on to my mother Catherine as they both wept.

“I love you all and tell my grand children that I love them too, I wish I could have met them.”

I smiled and said, “It’s alright father, you already have.”

The man’s breathing began to slow now and then it stopped. He was gone. My father died in the spring of 1823. I continued to hold my father’s hand as I wept, I felt Vera wrap her arms around me.