TV Show Smiles

Her bright cheery smile fills the TV screen. And the man jokes and she is rolling on the floor laughing. It is a delight to watch someone be that joyful. But when the lights go out it’s a different world.

She pulls off the blonde wig and walks past the lights that are turning off for the day. The flashlight on her iPhone lights the way to the dressing mirror.

In front of the mirror, she peels off the eyelashes and cries. There is minor gratitude that it doesn’t cry off easily. But it’s such a strange thing to watch make up drip off your face while some of it stays on.

She’s muses on how she is the image of a soul that is between happiness and sadness. Or in between the madness and the gladness of show business.

Ever the cheerful face keeps those viewers coming. Little do they know the self-loathing and hatred that has brewing from within her soul. They don’t have a clue.

The audiences world is filled with bright pastel colors and overly happy flowers. The painted on smiles and eyes added to sunflowers, daisies, and lilies. They journeyed through bright river of joy into the valley of gratitude where the flowers said encouraging things.

And her father made her laugh uproariously on a regular basis. In real life, she was deeply unhappy and unsettled. She found herself crying deeply.

Her own father was abusive to the point of stunting her growth. She was unusually small for her age and looked young enough to play kids on tv despite being 25 years old.

She wasn’t looking forward to the upcoming meet and greet. One lucky child got to spend a day on set and then have dinner with her and the fake dad. This meant that when the lights went out the show went onward for once.

The child was 10 years old. The producer said Lily is her to greet the lilies. Some of the flowers had stand in actors and they came out jumping around to meet the little girl.

The girl is jumping up and down with a heart full of glee. Her glittering eyes of happiness look up at me and pauses. She seems transfixed by her eyes. Lily is looking deeply almost drowning and then the girl begins to well up with tears that fall hard and fast.

The produce takes her away and starlight moves forward with a heavy heart. Anyone watching would have seen it as the actor taking all the delight and hope out of that little girl. And she shakes her body like she is shaking the memory of the event away. Her face goes into resolute manner and she is focused on bringing smiles back into the world. It’s likely this feels like a heavy obligation now.

After the taping, there was dinner in which father left early. The little girl stayed with the actress. She leaned forward and offered a secret.

“I am not very happy either.”

A pause lingered while the smile faded, “why not little?”

“My parents don’t like me much. They want to send me back to the foster care agency.”

“Oh, that sounds very stressful and scary.”

Her bright blue eyes widen and she cries while saying “yes.”

The actress looked a little surprised to find herself wanting to adopt the girl. She had no regular experience with children. Only the occasional meet and greets.

She went down to adopt her and the agency sorted it out. A life of crying alone turned into one of loving a little girl. They laughed at silly movies and tv shows. They made jokes about bad memories. And mostly they smiled at finding strength, love, and encouragement from each other.