Veil of Subconscious Awakening

Images slide behind my eyelids like film cadres, bursting with meanings. In one moment, I’m speeding down the highway, making the speedometer swing wildly like a frantic pendulum. The next moment, I’m plunging from a falling plane, slowly crashing earthward. At home, I meet black cat’s green, googly eyes staring at me from the cavernous hollowness of the kitchen. When I turn for a moment, it disappears, and all I can see is a pair of blue suede shoes set up against the wall. I pick them up and put them on. When I glimpse at them again, they’ve become black as night, making me blink and flinch.

I know this sleep fog won't last long, and I need to wake up. But I long to know the outcome of some of the plots I've uncovered behind the curtain of my subconscious. Now that the total darkness has vanished, giving way to the bright light of day, I have no excuse to get out of bed. However, there is an excuse—my will. I have no intention of getting up and moving on with my life. Not yet. I want to keep the memories behind my eyelids for as long as I can hold them and cherish them. There's no pain, no struggle, and I can be a player from my safe, passive observer's seat. It's most comfortable that way, knowing no one can see how frightened you might be.

I wiggle my toes, as I always do when I wake up. They ache from hours of walking, but it's the only thing that brings a smile to my face that I can follow the marked route and forget about the whole world chasing me, trying to rip out my most sensitive parts. Not this time, guys! This time you'd have to run after me, and I doubt you'd have enough air in your lungs to catch up. You can try, but the chances of success are slim.

I wonder what this day will bring me. What horrors and what joys await me? I consider for a moment the protection I must muster to overcome all this at every turn. What measures must I implement to effectively cope with it, so that it doesn't swirl and metamorphose before my eyes, changing the meaning and value of things?

Rejection here, rejection there, rejection everywhere. Sometimes I think that if I did nothing, the world around me would look the same. Because it makes no difference whether I'm here or there, sitting, lying down, or standing. It all comes down to one big rejection that overshadows my actions and my life.

Finally, I gather my courage and open my eyes. I lift my left eyelid first. A wave of fear and uncertainty swirls through the air like a drone. When I open my right eye, a brighter glow appears on the horizon. Sunbeams lurk through the blinds like a Peeping Tom. I try to grasp them in my hands, one by one, like leaves from a broken branch. They warm my hand for a moment, then leave it icy cold. Their fragile nature can't sustain me for long, so I retreat.

I imagine a vast meadow stretching before me, beckoning me with its warm light. I surrender, my face covered in the fine shadows of the leaves, shielding me from the worst. They are the only innocents who stand by me when all others have departed. I tell them my secrets and wish for better days.

The sun's rays on my face create the illusion of happiness. The dark veil of night has lifted, opening a vast expanse of possibilities for a new day. A new day has just begun. Will there be happiness hidden within it? It's time to find out.