Porn Again, A Novel-Part Nineteen

CONTINUED FROM PART EIGHTEEN...

“Allegedly. Isn’t that always the excuse these days? Some degenerate rapper gets busted with drugs and guns and it’s ‘allegedly he was spotted.’ Some whacked-out celebrity gets busted on a DUI and the cops find a prostitute in the car, and it’s ‘allegedly he was spotted.’ Alleged this, alleged that…and it’s always these Blacks. They get the big million-dollar contracts and the groupies and the hotshot lawyers and it’s a get-out-of-jail-free card. And you wanna know the worst part about it? Most of the time, these ‘alleged’ incidents are caught on camera! Even still, you can’t say they did it because that’s considered defamation of character, and these bozos can sue! I can’t believe it! That’s where this country’s headed, to Hell in a hand-basket! I swear if I had a dollar every time something crystal clear was swept under the title ‘allegedly’ I’d be a millionaire by now. And this Obama prick-“

“Alright, enough Chas!” Pamela replied. “Can we not do this at the dinner table again? It’s bad enough I have to see this same argument blasted all over FOX News. I don’t think we need to have a repeat of it here.”

Dinner that night was a quaint and elegant affair for five. Chas, quite the man with a knack for flair spared no expense with an impeccable selection of lobster paired with a fine wine. Pamela looking radiant as usual tried her best to compete with Jessica, one of her closest friends. Invited over for dinner along with her husband Bruce, the duo agreed to a night of great dinner and conversation. A very successful gynecologist, his busy schedule often kept the man away from his wife and outings such as this.

Judging from his bulking exterior nearly bursting through a finely cut suit, he was getting much-needed exercise somewhere. Maybe it was those frequent early morning laps in the pool. Maybe it was endless sessions of racquetball with one of his high school friends. Or maybe it was one of his late-night fuck sessions with one of his many patients. It wasn’t that Jessica wasn’t aware of the man’s many escapades. She too had grown accustomed to enjoying extracurricular activities and delicacies of her own…mainly Palestinian. Her skin glowed with a sheen that suggested premium makeup, plastic surgery, or endless ‘facials’ courtesy of the pool boy. One did have to search high and low for good help…and with her ample arsenal of ‘gummy bears’ direct from the plastic surgeon, she enjoyed every bit of the hunt for fresh young meat. Pamela on the other hand, was not impressed. Noticeably absent from the table was none other than Nana. Most likely another night on the town playing bingo kept her away. The seat kept Chas visibly frustrated as usual.

“Well I would have to agree with Chas here,” Bruce interjected. “It’s like I say all the time, if they would only just get a job and stay out of trouble, this country wouldn’t have half the problems it has now.”

Chas quickly raised his glass, echoing that sentiment. “You’re goddamned right sir. But of course, you can’t say that because then it would be considered racist. Everything is ‘race’ with them. Slavery was several hundred years ago, and they still can’t get their act together. They destroy their communities, they kill each other in record numbers, they make babies they can’t keep or take care of and somehow they have the balls to ask for a handout!”

“Well it goes back to that basic sense of entitlement,” Jessica added. “It’s this idea that the world owes them a living because of something that ‘allegedly’ happened long before any of us were born.”

Chas erupted with laughter, nearly shaking the table. “Allegedly!” Ha! That’s a good one and something that I think needs to be talked about more often. How do we know that this slavery crap was as bad as they claim it was? Because some genius decided to put it in a book or some movie, I’m supposed to believe it? Because some rapper decides to make ignorant songs about it, I’m supposed to swallow this garbage whole?”

“Chas I do not want to have this sort of conversation at the dinner table,” Pamela commanded. “Now don’t get me wrong, I agree with everything you’ve always said on this, but now is not the most appropriate time to bring this up again. And with everything going on with Happy-“

“Ah yes, the elusive Harper Downman,” Bruce added. “It’s been quite a while since we’ve seen or heard about him. How’s he doing Chas? And what is it that he does for a living again?”

Both Chas and Pamela adjusted themselves in their seats and grabbed the bottle of wine at the same time to pour themselves a drink. This was often a sore subject, mainly for Chas, as he didn’t like living with the fact that his son worked in retail for a living. Bruce, on the other hand, had two daughters, both of whom were college graduates. One was a successful attorney while the other was currently touring Europe as a ballet dancer. As for Happy on the other hand, he’d gone from selling Bibles and bookmarks in Fort Lauderdale to doing only God knows what in New Orleans.

Chas took a moment to clear his throat. “You know these crazy kids these days, on from one thing to the next. He’s currently taking a bit of a sabbatical in New Orleans before he starts a new business venture.”

“Really?” Jessica asked. “Sounds interesting. What’s he up to these days?”

Pamela quickly snatched the bottle away from her husband and emptied what was left into her glass before grabbing another from the kitchen. The way Jessica spoke, overly straightening her posture in her seat while making sure her enhanced cleavage was seen at all times was beginning to annoy the poor woman. Speaking with an undercurrent of cockiness over the success of her daughters didn’t help matters much either. Happy had run off to New Orleans to work in an electronics store after getting the shock of his life. As for Lucky on the other hand…they didn’t need to know about him. Ever.

“That’s the big mystery,” Chas forced with a fake smile. “He seems to be as happy as ever and wants to surprise me. Kids.”

“Wait…isn’t he married? Where’s his wife? Everything is okay I hope.”

Chas was beginning to run out of dodges to this line of interrogation and he could almost sense the couple enjoying him squirm.

Oh fuck…

Nana suddenly entered the house, not a second sooner than needed. Chas exploded out of his seat and gave her a big hug.

“Mama I told you we were having dinner tonight. Did you forget again?”

“Chas, will you knock it off worrying about me for once? I told you hours ago I wasn’t very hungry and I was hanging out with Lillian again. Poor thing, she just found out her husband’s been cheating on her?”

“Oh my God. When?” Pamela asked.

“How?” Chas added. “Her husband is a little north of 60. Where the hell did he get the energy?”

The old lady made her way to the dinner table, gesturing towards Pamela for a glass of wine. “Oh Chas, you know how you men have all these sorts of herbs and hydraulics and pills y’all use nowadays to keep yourselves going. He probably couldn’t get it up anymore and started taking that Viagra crap.”

“Mama!”

“Knock it off son, we’re all adults here and none of us are getting any younger. I know you’re taking some of that Viagra as well. I’ve seen the bottle in the medicine cabinet. You’re not as discreet as you’d like to be.”

Bruce and Jessica erupted with laughter that made Pamela blush and Chas squirm even more. This wasn’t a polite conversation for a nice night of dinner.

“Mother, we were expecting you a bit earlier. We’re having lobster for dinner.”

“Lobster?” Nana scoffed. “You two are so stuck up and pretentious. Whatever happened to the chicken wings I thawed out this morning? What happened to the baked beans and potato salad?”

Chas could feel himself gripping the edges of the chair with a force that did very little to shield his embarrassment. All of this was happening right in front of guests…and the wrong type of guests at that. The only thing worse would have been Lucky showing up. Thank God he was out of town.

“Oh and by the way,” Nana continued. “I had such a nice chat with Lucky earlier. He and his lady friend are back in L.A. He says Harper is doing so well in New Orleans.”

“Who’s Lucky?” The name caught Bruce’s attention immediately.

Nana quickly grabbed the bottle from Pamela as she poured herself a glass. “That’s Harper’s older brother. You never met him?”

“Quite frankly we never knew Harper had a brother. Chas, you’ve been keeping secrets from us?”

Pamela chimed in, sensing her poor husband nearly on the verge of losing it. “Yes, Lucky…Lawrence is our eldest son. He’s a bit of a unique individual, so you won’t see him around here much.”

“Thank the Lord for that,” Chas mumbled.

“Well, what does he do?”

“What does he do exactly?” Chas muttered. “Lawrence is a bit of a jack of all trades you see. During the week he does-“

“Oh Chas, knock it off with the horseshit,” Nana said. “Lucky got rich off of his Powerball winnings and now he’s living in L.A. with his new girlfriend. There’s no shame at all in admitting that.”

Pamela eagerly rushed over to the bar and grabbed the bottle of whiskey and a few glasses. Bruce and Jessica were enjoying themselves more and more by the minute. This was getting even better.

“Yes,” Chas continued. “It’s true…our eldest son has taken a bit of an unconventional approach to success. However odd it may seem, we trust that he’s directing his newfound wealth into investments and things of that nature.”

Nana couldn’t help but stare at Jessica, much to her uneasiness. “My dear, you remind me so much of Lucky’s new girlfriend.”

“Oh???” Jessica remarked. “How so?”

Nana leaned in for a closer look. “I think it may be your boobs dear. Kitty…well Melissa, but we all call her Kitty, she had hers done. I think she may have referred to them as gummy bears.”

Jessica nodded in agreement. “You’re exactly right! That’s amazing!”

The connection made Nana’s eyes sparkle. “Good God, is every woman on the planet getting these things? Pam honey, you might want to check out this doctor of hers’. Looks like your girls are getting a bit loose in the top.”

Mortified, Pamela relented to nearly hiding herself behind Chas for a moment. Of all the damn nerve…

“Mother…have you been drinking anything tonight? You don’t quite seem like yourself and frankly, it’s a bit disturbing.”

Nana gave an incredulous look, continuing to sip wine. “If you must know, Lillian and I had a few beers earlier. She is in a bit of a crisis you know. Anyway, I think it would be good if your wife got a boob job while she’s still young and able. Kitty’s came out amazing. I mean, what would you expect from a porn star?”

The revelation caused Pamela to spit whiskey nearly across the other side of the table.

“I beg your pardon, did you say a porn star?” Bruce asked. They couldn’t have come over for dinner on a better night.

“Mama I think you’ve had way too much to drink and it’s time for you to go to bed. I’m going to have a chat with Lillian about the drinking.”

“Chas pumpkin, do us all a favor and take the stick out of your ass and have a seat,” his mother commanded. “I’m a grown woman and when you get my age you can drink as much as you want. Now hush up and sit down.”

That familiar fiery look in her eyes that he’d known for years since childhood forced him back in his seat. Pamela had no option but to follow suit. Bruce and Jessica tried very hard to stifle their shit-eating grins.

“Now there’s nothing wrong with Lucky’s girlfriend doing porn. I mean, it wouldn’t exactly be my first choice of employment, but she’s good at it.”

The comment quickly caught Pamela’s attention. “And how exactly would you know?”

“Well that’s neither here nor there,” Nana continued. She motioned over to Jessica. “I gotta admit though, that young woman can suck a golf ball through a garden hose. I couldn’t believe-“

“Enough mama! You’re drunk and you’re going to bed. You’ve embarrassed us enough tonight.”

“Piss off, I am not drunk. I’m enjoying myself. I have to live in this house and listen to you go on and on every single day with your racist rants and negative comments about your son and I never say anything. I have to listen to you and your little wife here at night having your little five-minute sex sessions and I don’t even laugh. Now when I decide to go out and live a bit, you want to be a little bitch about it.”

Bruce and Jessica could not stop laughing. Pamela and Chas sat stunned.

“Well thank you, mama. Thank you for the lively night and for ruining dinner by embarrassing us. And by the way, there is nothing wrong with our sex life. My wife gets all the excitement and satisfaction she could ever ask for.”

Nana slammed the wine glass down on the table and chuckled. "Allegedly."

***

TO BE CONTINUED IN PART TWENTY...