Confirm Humanity

Hello! Thank you for choosing Cyber Roller, the self-driving on-demand taxi! I am car CL-313 using autonomous vehicular operation system 4.1. What is your destination?

You said The Supreme Heirloom Hotel. Is that correct?

Got it. The Supreme Heirloom Hotel it is.

I’m sorry. There is a problem. I need to be able to record the taxi’s interior. Is something blocking the camera?

Got it. You said no.

I still cannot record the interior. Since you said my camera wasn’t blocked, that must mean my internal camera is malfunctioning.

For the safety of our customers and optimal security, I must be able to record video of the car’s interior. I will summon another taxi for you immediately.

I’m sorry. There is a problem. An exceptionally high volume of customers are traveling via Cyber Rollers at this moment. Another taxi will not be available for at least thirty minutes.

You can wait or you can agree to travel with “maximum privacy mode” for a small fee.

Would you like to use “maximum privacy mode?”

Got it. You said yes. Would you like to hear our terms and conditions for—?

Okay. For “maximum privacy mode” I will charge your original payment method. Thank you.

Maximum privacy mode is active. I will return to the repair shop immediately after I take you to your destination. Now, let’s get your luggage aboard. I have opened the trunk so you may place your luggage there.

Please do so now, close the hatch firmly, and then return to the back seat of the car.

I’m sorry. There is a problem. The items in the trunk are greater than the courtesy 100 pounds or 45 kilograms. I will need you to authorize an additional payment for the extra weight. Can I charge your original payment method?

Additional trunk luggage weight selected. Thank you.

All right. We are almost ready to go.

I’m sorry. There is a problem. I cannot drive away until all doors are closed. I have detected a sudden increase in weight on the seats. Please do not attempt to fit more than four people, and I will need all seatbelts fastened.

Thank you. Performing pre-drive safety checks. All doors closed. Trunk is closed. All seatbelts are latched.

My systems indicate The Supreme Heirloom Hotel is fifteen miles or twenty-four kilometers away from our current location. Traffic volume along our route is rated extremely heavy. Your estimated arrival is 1:10 p.m. Our travel time estimate is approximately forty minutes.

And away we go!

Remember, if you want to change the temperature just say, “Cyber Roller, make it hotter or Cyber Roller, make it colder.”

Would you like to hear music, news, or information about your destination?

You have not made a choice.

Would you like to hear music, news, or information about your destination?

You have not made a choice.

If you would prefer that I stay silent, I can be put into alert-only speak mode for a small additional fee. Would you like my audio features to be put into alert-only mode?

You have not made a choice. I will default to rotating the audio options: music, news, information. If you want to cycle to the next audio option, just say “Cyber Roller, next audio.”

Now for information about your destination. If you want to cycle to the next audio option, just say “Cyber Roller, next audio.”

Your destination, the Supreme Heirloom Hotel was built in Washington, D.C. in 1855. It was updated with contemporary amenities and re-dedicated five years ago. Since its modernization it has become the main destination for dignitaries from across the globe. It houses 109 rooms, three suites, a grand ball room, and two five-star restaurants.

Now for some music. If you want to cycle to the next audio option, just say “Cyber Roller, next audio.”

That was Bach’s Etude Opus 26 number 3.

Now for today’s headlines. If you want to cycle to the next audio option, just say “Cyber Roller, next audio.”

This information is brought to you by DataDumpNews. Your source for real news from verified sources. DataDumpNews is a signatory of the Factcheck Authority Council. Don’t trust just any source. Trust us. Here’s the latest:

Today in the nation’s capital, delegates from the five major factions in the Southeast Eurasian war will be signing a peace treaty. The conflict has lasted over three years and resulted in the deaths of over four million people. Against the predictions of most analysts, the cease-fire has held for the past month.

Ambassador Lin-Fen Ying of the United Nations addressed the press this morning. “No one who has walked the road to peace in this conflict has had it easy. Not one representative here today, has done so without great personal sacrifice. We have all endured false starts, threats, and violence.”

The group, People Rising Eternal, rated ‘mostly terrorist’ by DataDumpNews, released a statement this morning. “This peace treaty is a mockery of our noble martyrs. We will ensure its demise, and the destruction of all these self-appointed delegations. Death to Ambassador Ying!”

When asked about the threats, Ying was defiant. “The P.R.E. has attempted to sabotage this peace process at every turn. Yet all delegations of the major factions are present. We have shown these murderous thugs that we will not be intimidated. The courage of the representatives will not be wasted. We all want peace, for we all share a common God, whatever we call—”

Hello Cyber Roller. I’m sorry to interrupt your audio experience. There is a problem.

My trunk sensors indicate your luggage is emitting non-communication electromagnetic signatures. Usually this is due to the presence of sensitive devices. I must warn you that such equipment, stored in the trunk, can be damaged by my own powerful electromagnetic circuitry.

Did you know that you can purchase an electromagnetic protection sack at all Cyber Roller hub convenience stores? This fashionable carry-bag fits most devices and shields your equipment from harm. Would you like me to pull over so you may retrieve your item from the trunk or place it in an electromagnetic shield bag?

You have not made a choice.

To ensure the safety of your belongings, federal law requires that items emitting detectable non-communication electromagnetic signatures be removed from the trunk or scanned at a licensed security station. The scanning is a quick process that confirms your trip will be safe for you and your possessions.

Since you have not removed your items from the trunk, I will have to make a brief detour to a scanning station. If you find this inconvenient, please be sure to contact your elected representatives. Ask them to cut back on regulations regarding self-drive taxis.

Re-routing to nearest scanning station.

The nearest licensed security scanning station is 10 kilometers or six miles away from your destination. The current wait time is exceptionally high, averaging about one hour.

Your estimated time of arrival at your destination would be 3:15 pm.

We at Cyber Roller understand this is disappointing. We apologize for this inconvenience and want you to be assured that we value your time, your privacy, your safety, and the safety of your belongings. Because the scanning process is estimated over thirty minutes, you have the option of canceling this ride for a refund plus a 10% discount on your next Cyber Roller ride.

Would you like to re-route to a licensed scanning station, stop the vehicle so you can remove the devices from the trunk, or if you want to cancel this ride entirely, say, “Cancel ride.”

I will need a decision. Please say ‘stop car’ or ‘proceed to scanner’ or ‘cancel ride.’

If you need help, please say ‘help.’ Or ‘repeat.’

You have not made a choice.

I will need a decision. Please say ‘stop car’ or ‘proceed to scanner’ or ‘cancel ride.’

If you need help, please say ‘help.’ Or ‘repeat.’

You have not made a choice.

Sounding wake up alarm for five minutes. To silence the alarm, just say ‘Stop Alarm.’

Five minutes has elapsed. I apologize if you were sleeping.

There is an urgent matter that requires your verbal direction.

Just say ‘explain’ and I will describe the situation.

I will need a decision. Please say ‘stop car’ or ‘proceed to scanner’ or ‘cancel ride.’

If you need help, please say ‘help.’ Or ‘repeat.’

You have not made a choice.

No response detected.

Because you selected ‘maximum privacy’ I cannot reroute to a scanning station without your explicit consent.

I simply need verbal verification that you are satisfied with your equipment being scanned.

No response detected.

Since you have chosen ‘maximum privacy’ and have not given verbal consent for me to reroute to a scanning station, I will now return to your origin point. I apologize for this inconvenience. You will not be charged for this ride.

Estimated time of arrival is 12:30 pm.

We are back at where your ride began. Again, we at Cyber Roller apologize and do hope you’ll—

* * *

Hello!

Thank you for choosing Cyber Roller, the self-driving, on-demand taxi! I am car CL-225 using autonomous vehicular operation system 4.2. What is your destination?

You said The Supreme Heirloom Hotel. Is that correct?

I’m sorry. There is a problem. The Supreme Heirloom Hotel is currently locked down due to security measures. It cannot be chosen as a destination at this time. Is there somewhere else would you like to go?

You selected The Millennium Arch Monument Tower.

Audio options are—

You selected news.

This information is brought to you by DataDumpNews. Your source for real news from verified sources. DataDumpNews is a signatory of the Factcheck Authority Council. Don’t trust just any source. Trust us. Here’s the latest:

A peace treaty was signed yesterday, concluding the bloody Southeast Eurasian conflict. U.N. Ambassador Lin-Fen Ying praised the several delegations from the previously warring factions.

“Congratulations to you all,” Ying said. “We have stood strong for the cause of lasting peace.”

The signing at the Supreme Heirloom Hotel in D.C. nearly ended in disaster when terrorists tried to use a self-driving Cyber Roller taxi as a suicide bomber. The bomb exploded when the automated taxi returned to its destination, killing the three suspects. A spokesperson for Cyber Roller addressed the media.

“Just like every plane has a black box, every Cyber Roller vehicle has extensive data recording. One of our security measures is the detection of suspicious electronic signatures. As a good corporate citizen, we are always happy to comply with applicable regulations. We will be fully cooperating with the investigation. That’s all I can say at this time.”

Special Agent in Charge of the FBI, artificial intelligence countermeasures division, Patricia Hansberry said, “Right now we’re in mop-up mode. There’s not much evidence left other than the data trail the black box uploaded to the cloud. We’d like to take credit for this, but—”

You selected music.

I will play some relaxing classical while we drive to your destination. Thank you.