Hey, God

“Dear God, Spirit, Protector, Infinite Mind, Source, I am really in need of a friend."

"In need? You really need?"

"Yes... I see your point. You want me to be self-sufficient, strong internally, able to withstand anything. But I am saying: I miss having a friend, someone to rely on, someone to play with."

"Play with or by yourself. Or both."

"This is not fair - but I guess Life is not fair. It is a series of lessons, it is a series of trials, to help us grow and stretch. But, why must I struggle alone?"

“Because struggling with another person, at this time, will bring you down, will pull you backwards, and you have lessons to learn. You cannot stay stagnant, and you have said it yourself: you are tired of being pulled backwards and of hauling others forward. You wanted a break, an end to this ‘nonsense.’”

“I did.”

“Well then, you are alone.”

“But I don’t want to be alone.”

“But you are.”

“But I don’t want to be.”

“But that’s what is.”

“But, maybe I can change that?”

“Or maybe not.”

“Wow. You’re not being really nice, today, are you. Not being very flexible. How do you think this is working for me?”

“It is working as it should. Slowly, you are burning away your masks, your crutches.”

“I am burning, alright. This really hurts. My heart is bleeding. I really need rescuing.”

“Then rescue yourself.”

“I don’t want to rescue myself. I want someone else to soothe me, tell me how great I am, how loved I am, how special I am.”

“You are all those things.”

“Thanks. But you aren’t here.”

“I am here… in the blade of grass, in the feather on the wing, in the night sky.”

“But, you are not sleeping in my bed, you are not eating and drinking with me. You are not HERE for me. I need someone. I need you.”

“You have me.”

“Thanks. Really helpful.”

“It is what it is, and this is what you asked for.”

“I’m asking to have a friend, that’s what I’m asking for.”

“That is not what was prepared, when we made your soul contract.”

“Really? Can’t that be changed?”

“You want more hellish relationships?”

“No.”

“You want to be disappointed again.”

“No. But I don’t want to be alone anymore. It’s been 6 years. You seem to have no mercy. It's been 'well-past-time,' since many, many years ago. I don’t see what I’m learning from all of this. I don’t see how I’m growing. I just see how I’m suffering.”

“I can’t tell you the future.”

“I know. And I’ve waited patiently. (Well, sometimes, impatiently. But I’m still here, and I’m still waiting.)”

“I know, child.”

“I’m not a child. Well, maybe your child. But I’m an adult. I go through adult stuff all the time. And it would be nice to have another adult, around, to talk things over with. To hug, to be affectionate with. That would make this all the more endurable.”

“I can’t tell you the future.”

“I know. But can’t you see I am suffering! Do you not care? Do you enjoy this? I sure don’t! I don’t know what to do, anymore. 'Holding on, with hope,' doesn’t seem to be an option anymore. I think I may have to lower my standards. No one is stepping up, except people I am not sure about.”

“That’s life, to not know, to not be sure.”

“It sure is.”

“Faith means stepping forward, when we are not sure.”

“But not making the same mistakes, over and over again. I can see that these would be mistakes. I can already see what the issues would be, if I accepted any of the possible relationship offers before me. I don’t want to go down roads that I know lead to despair or heartache, or lack. I’d like some fulfillment, some satisfaction, some reward for all the hard labour, for all the suffering. Some relaxation. Some love that lasts. Some commitment that can be fulfilled, not abandoned.”

“We all want these things. I give you these things.”

“Yes, but you are not HERE. I know, you are insulted. You'll say 'That is not true. Every blade of grass, every leaf,' I get it. But you are not HERE. In human form. I need another human. A smart human, a funny human. A loving human, someone to physically and emotionally and intellectually and spiritually LOVE. And, while I know I will return to you, until that time, what am I doing here? My internal resources are wearing down. I can’t just give and give to my kids and never receive anything back from anyone, in return. I know, I know. You give eternal love. But-”

“I’m not THERE.”

“Yes, exactly. Now, you’re getting it. You are so full of... you, that you don’t know what it feels like, to have no one by your side.”

“Jesus knew. That is how I know.”

“Yes, the ultimate betrayal. He had no one, with power, by his side. He was killed by those who should have protected and praised him. But I don’t want to be a Jesus. I just want to be me, and live here and have an ordinary life, punctuated with extraordinary love and caring.”

“Then, that is heaven, not earth.”

“I don’t know if I can hold on that long, God.”

“Just try your best. Continue to try your best. And stay open, to miracles, and the unexpected.”

“But be discerning, so as not to repeat old patterns.”

“That is fine. But it all works out, in the end.”

“Yes, because I end up with you.”

“Yes. And because your soul is eternal.”

“Great. But, now is very long, and the journey is very lonely. I am trying to be patient God, but it’s getting really hard, and I don’t know how much longer I can go forward. I feel I am slipping.”

“That is when you grow.”

“I’m tired of growing. I’m tired of suffering. I’m tired of these growing pains.”

“That tiredness forces you to change your ways.”

“Yes, I am about to.”

“And to make different choices.”

“I am about to, but I fear they will be bad choices.”

“There are no bad choices, only learning situations.”

“Great. Not really helpful. I’d like to avoid more pain.”

“That is not what life is about.”

“Remind me why I signed up for this…?

“To be more human.”

“To be more human?”

“To experience things – to feel, to sense, to feel all the negative feelings that you can’t feel, in heaven.”

“Oh.”

“To actually FEEL things, other than love and omnipresence, and all-knowingness. To feel alone, to feel pain. These are luxuries that those in heaven never get to experience. And that’s why people keep on signing up, again, and again (to come to earth school). Like a roller coaster, or a horror show, or a haunted house. It is to be scared, to be alive – with all its contrasting sides. That is why this earth school has been created. To be your amusement park.”

“Well, maybe I’m tired of being on this same ride, then.”

“Then you can change your ride. Try another. But, be careful of what you commit to. Be careful not to tie yourself down to one ride, unless it is the best ride you’ve ever experienced and you can’t go through earth school on any other.”

“I see. Okay.”

“You feel more peaceful now.”

“Yes. A bit.

“That is good.” [both say, at the same time] "That is good."

“Thanks, God. I understand a bit. It doesn’t make this moment easier, but it makes me understand that this is an experience, and it’s meant to be this way, because I wanted it.”

“Yes, all the angels are envious. You are LIVING.”

“And they are floating through eternity, uninterrupted.”

“Exactly.”

“And my days and moments are varied, and precious.”

“Precious, because they are finite, here.”

“I see. I do. Thank you.”

“You are blessed.”

“Yes. I am blessed. Thank you.”

“All is well. Keep enjoying your ride, and your amusement park.”

“I will. See you, again, someday.”

“Undoubtedly.”