How a Human Life Really Grows

I can recall the first time I even considered growing as a human being. I was not reading a goal-setting book. I was not listening to a serious podcast. At 2 a.m. I was sitting on the side of my bed, looking at my phone and questioning what was wrong with my life even though, technically, I was doing everything right.

School. Work. Family. Responsibilities.

Nevertheless, it was as though there was something small in me. As I was surviving, not growing.

It did not transform my life that night, but it did put a question in my mind: How does a human life actually grow? Not the body. Not the age. The life part.

I have learned a couple of things since. Mostly by messing up.

This is the reality I would have liked someone to explain to me previously: human life does not develop in straight lines. It grows in awkward zigzags. At times it develops back and then proceeds. And occasionally it will not grow at all, and that does not constitute failure. That’s just being human.

I used to believe that growth meant huge success as I was younger. A better job. More money. People respecting you. This made it because you posted online so that others could see you. Even then as I went past some of those milestones I never felt taller indoors. Just tired.

Actual growth began when I focused on little uneasy incidents.

Similar to the initial occasion when I had broken out in confiding that I was scared. Not “stressed.” Not “busy.” Scared. That was not a strong word in my tongue. But as I uttered it the second time it was like a loosening within me. Sometimes the growth may start with sincerity that pains your ego.

One more thing I learned: the growth of human life is taking place through friction. Not comfort.

Whenever I was in my comfort zone too long my life had the feeling that it was becoming smaller. Same routines. Same thoughts. Same complaints. It was safe, but it was stale. Increase was evident when I engaged in doing what I was not very familiar with.

Application of what I believed I was not qualified to do. It was a conversation that I did not want to have. A no to what I was accustomed to say yes. Yes was when it was no.

Was it smooth? Absolutely not. I humiliated myself more than enough on numerous occasions. One time I expressed an opinion during a meeting which led to the room falling silent in a negative manner. I would have loved to hide into the carpet. However, it turned out that later, I was stretched. I survived it. And survival will make confidence quicker than success ever made.

Rearing a human being also implies nourishing it well. And I am not talking about food, but that is also important.

I refer to what you put in your mind.

I passed a stage where I was always drawing comparisons with other people. Social media didn’t help. The rest of them all seemed to know what to do. Better bodies. Better careers. Better smiles. In the meantime I was half a loaded page that was not refreshing.

I blocked several accounts one day because I was just so annoyed. Not out of hate. Out of self‑respect. That mere gesture was like feeding a parched plant. I suddenly had space in my head. Growth needs quiet. Constant noise starves it.

People do not talk about another thing enough; that is rest. Real rest. Not scrolling rest.

I would feel guilty of slowing down. And like when I was not grinding, I was falling. But burnout doesn’t grow life. It drains it. There were also some of the most significant personal developments when nothing constructive was occurring. Long walks. Boring days. Seated with my mind, even with the ugly mind.

It is then that I realized that there are patterns in me. Why I reacted certain ways. The reason behind the comments that triggered me. Why I continued to do the same mistakes. Enlightenment is kind of development that does not appear spectacular but transforms it all.

Life in a human being also develops through attachment. Not networking. Connection.

I was of the opinion that I needed to be strong at all times. Handle things on my own. It turns out that problems are increased by isolation. The growth increased as I allowed people to view the disheveled sides. When I confessed that I did not have answers. When I was listening rather than acting as though I knew.

It is something strong as you know, you are not the only one trying. It does not solve all the problems, but it makes the burden lighter. And loads which are lighter are less heavy to bear.

By the way, how about failure? Due to the fact that growth is a friend of failure though we despise it.

Plans which collapsed have been one of my greatest lessons. Jobs that didn’t work out. Concepts that were insanely good and failed. Those were the moments when I felt like showing that I was not good enough at that time. I perceived them afterward as redirections. Not spiritual, stuff of the universe. Practical stuff. I learned what didn’t fit me. What drained me. What I didn’t want to repeat.

Failure prunes the superfluous branches. Growth needs pruning.

Among the things that struck me as a real eye opener was the realization that growing up does not mean being some other person. It’s about becoming more you. More honest. More aware. Less frightened by your own thoughts.

I ceased to pursue an ideal version of myself and I became a real one.

It was the acceptance of contradictions. Some days we feel confident and some days we are insecure. One week motivated and the next exhausted. Life of human beings flourishes as the fight against your own humanity is abandoned.

And yes, growth can be slow. Painfully slow.

The months come when nothing seems to be changing. No big breakthroughs. No radical changes. However, one day you have a different response to things that previously destroyed you. You draw a line and do not apologize. You prefer not to make a point, but to be peace. And you see: there grew something.

Quietly.

To put it in a word, even the development of a human being is not about adding something and adding something, and more about eliminating what is not meant to be there. Old fears. Fake expectations. The definitions of success by other people.

It’s about paying attention. Being brave in small ways. Resting when you need to. Trying again when you mess up. Founding a way to laugh at yourself when situations are awkward.