Poetic Justice

Imposter Syndrome

A few weeks ago, a coworker randomly asked me: "What is your passion?"

I knew it was obviously a loaded question, but I instinctively replied honestly, regardless: "Reading and writing."

"Oh yeah? How many books do you read each week? Are you even a famous writer or anything like that?!" She was weirdly aggressive about such a mundane subject.

I shrugged casually. "Of course I don't have a strict quota of reading a certain specific number of books each week. That's ridiculous! But I do have a shelf overflowing with books, as well as digital books on my phone, tablet, and laptop. I read them whenever I can. It's obviously not a competition of reading a certain amount of books within a certain amount of time."

"Okay, but you're still not a famous writer!"

"I may not be famous, but I am definitely a writer."

"Then what do you even write!?"

"Anything and everything! I write poetry. I write prose. I write fiction. I write opinion articles and editorials. I write for my own blog. I write for record labels. I write for magazines. I write in my dream journal. I write entries in my personal diary... "

She interjected before I could even finish my sentence. "What even is a passion? So passion is just reading and writing?"

"For me, yes, but everyone is different. Some people could be passionate about music, or sports, or fashion, or their jobs..."

She rudely interrupted again: "I didn't ask you what a passion COULD be, I asked you what passion IS!?!"

I was taken aback by the abrasive abruptness, but I chose to reply as patiently as possible. "A passion is something that you're, well... passionate about! Something that you love to do, or NEED to do. It's a calling, an obsession..."

"Anyway, I hate it when people ask what my passion is! I don't actually have one! It's such a silly question! " She scoffed defensively.

"Yeah, well, everyone is different. Most people have passions, and apparently some people don't, and I guess that's okay, either way." I shrugged again. Then the uncomfortable conversation just kind of fizzled out into painfully awkward silence.

She clearly felt that asking about people's passions, is an annoying question, which implies that she asked me that very same question, with the sole and express purpose of irritating me. And no matter what I said my passions were, she had the ulterior motive, of trying to shoot it down and invalidate me, regardless. The saddest part of all? She admitted that she doesn't even have any passions herself! Honestly, that's just sad. My life may suck, but I can't even imagine living such a tragic hollow existence, truly devoid of passion. The conversation was obnoxious as hell, as she intentionally designed it to be so, but my frustration and anger calmed down, into just feeling sorry for her.

There were a few other occasions when this person went out of her way to make snarky jabs at me, specifically regarding my love for reading and writing, completely unprovoked. I tried to politely ignore it at the time, but it really got under my skin. I'm still struggling with imposter syndrome after losing my heavy metal blog, Undead Goathead (someone bought the expired domain, which means 15+ years of my original writing is currently in limbo), and I'm very emotionally vulnerable right now. Snide remarks cut much deeper than they should.

But I felt a smug sense of satisfaction, when she called me the next morning, and said that she'd be late to work, because there was a massive water leak in her house, causing severe damage. It felt like divine retribution from the universe itself, for the egregious crime of hurting my delicate little feelings. Now that's what I call poetic justice!

But of course, as punk rock as it is, to laugh at the first-world-problems of middle management, true poetic justice is so much more than that. Sticking it to the man, isn't just trolling your boss (although that is still a fun hobby). It's actively resisting the corrupt infrastructures of institutionalized inequality. How? Authentic self expression, of course!

Starving Artists

The acclaimed American author Mark Twain once wrote: “Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.”

Saying that I'm not a real writer, is just as asinine as saying that my name isn't really Cheryl. That's not even an ignorant opinion, it's just plain wrong, and factually incorrect! Hey, I never said I was a "good" writer, but the fact that I am definitely a writer, is simply an objective truth. This was definitely a "choose your battles" situation. You can't argue with a flat earther about science, you can't use logic or compassion to reform fascists, and you can't explain creative passion to someone who lacks imagination and emotional intelligence. Their opinion doesn't care about the facts, but on the other hand, the facts don't care about their opinions either! The truth is still the truth, regardless of ignorant beliefs and straight up misinformation.

Meanwhile, the most talented writers, musicians, and artists I've ever met, are also some of the most down to earth people, friendly and warm and helpful and encouraging! When I started playing guitar, and especially bass, I appreciated everyone who gave me tabs, charts, or simply encouraged me to keep practicing. I understand that tough love and constructive criticism is part of the creative process. But not all toughness is love, nor is all criticism is constructive.

Of course the only people who talk trash about my passions, are people with none of their own! I will never allow someone with no ambition, no talent, and no potential, to tell me what I should or shouldn't do with mine. The audacity to tell me that I can't do things that I literally already did, and/or am still currently doing! Why would I take creative advice from anyone who isn't even creative? That would be tantamount to taking diet advice from the Donner party, or financial investment advice from a hobo.

A labor of love is still labor, and a passion project is still a project. It's not all fun and games, but also a lot of appallingly difficult hard work. It's not about competing for recognition, chasing fame and fortune, or desperately seeking awards and accolades. It's a lot of quiet solitary dedication, that nobody will ever see. It's not about being the best or doing the most. It's being true to yourself, including honoring your own boundaries and respecting your human limitations. This is fairly obvious to anyone and everyone who has ever created anything in their lives. But to people who are literally devoid of passion? You might as well try to explain astrophysics to a mosquito. They don't even have the cognitive capacity to understand anything you're saying, and they're just going to bug you regardless.

You have to be okay with being misunderstood and disliked. People will criticize you, in every way, all the time. Your skin needs to be thick. Even if 90% of people love your art, it's so easy to fixate on the 10% who don't. Steel sharpens steel, but a dull knife will hurt you worse than a sharp one. What I mean by this, is that your friends and peers will push you to challenge your comfort zone, with tough love, constructive criticism, and even friendly rivalry. However, it's important to distinguish this healthy challenge, from mean-spirited insults coming from resentment, envy, ignorance, and/or cruelty. I know it's tempting to argue with jerks, but don't feed the trolls! Just try to use their criticism to fuel your self-image as a tortured misunderstood artiste! Besides, the time you could potentially waste arguing with detractors, could be better spent creating even more art!

Journaling as Both Therapy and Activism

I often see the opinion that therapy doesn't fix systemic injustice. Technically, that is true. But with that logic, wearing a seatbelt doesn't prevent other people from driving drunk, and brushing your teeth won't protect you from spraining your ankle. It's a logical fallacy to say that something is completely useless, just because it's designed to fix or prevent only one specific problem in particular. In fact, I have already spoken to my therapist, about how the current political climate negatively affects my mental health. You can't fight the system, if you're too depressed to even get out of bed.

The classical Greek philosopher Plato once said: "The city is the individual writ large". In other words, your private personal life, is a direct reflection of society as a whole. Sometimes I feel guilty for ruminating on my own personal problems, when there are so many societal issues, so much bigger than myself, on a global scale. But these things are all interconnected: Late stage capitalism, and my low-paying dead-end job. The international housing crisis, and my cheap apartment with sketchy landlords in a bad neighborhood. Institutionalized racism and misogyny, and my experiences as a Hispanic woman. Inaccessibility to universal health care, and my highly volatile mental illnesses. Everyone's quality of life is getting lower and lower, while the cost of living is getting higher and higher. It's infuriating!

The powers that be are literally and figuratively banking on us being too burnt out and exhausted to resist. It's a vicious cycle. If we're too tired to think and feel, then we don't even have time to process what's happening. If we're too focused on our own problems, then we forget to reach out to the community, to ask for help and/or to help others as well. Sometimes softness, sensitivity, and self care are the most revolutionary acts, especially in a world that wants us to hate ourselves, and each other. In a world of performative cruelty, kindness is punk as hell.

Journaling is therapeutic. That's just a fact. Even at the very least, it feels so cathartic, to get all of your thoughts organized on paper (or screen or audio recording however you choose to write), so you're not just ruminating on the echo chamber, of your own toxic thoughts repeating themselves over and over again, like a broken record. But of course, it's also a proven psychological tool to help with depression, trauma, psychosis, and even addiction. In addition to this, writing can be a profoundly powerful political statement.

Ann Frank was just an ordinary teenager, a normal girl next door, like any other. She wrote in her diary about normal problems, like being confused about the transition from childhood to adulthood, becoming interested in boys, arguing with her family, rebelling against her parents, and of course, the fear of living in a scary and dangerous world where her safety was not guaranteed. Of course, in retrospect, her experience as a minority in a fascist regime, was extremely historically significant. But she didn't know that her daily journal would become an enduring international symbol of resilience and defiance, long after her tragic death. At the time, she was just a typical troubled teen, writing her thoughts down in a notebook, as many youth continue to do so today.

Kurt Cobain. Anais Nin. Franz Kafka. These are just a few examples of notable figures, each of whom wrote fantastic diaries. Reading their journals and notes, is a fascinating glimpse into their intimate innermost thoughts. These writers weren't just famous celebrities; They were heartbreakingly human, just like everyone else.

The Pen is Mightier Than the Sword

If you think that words don't matter: Then why do corrupt kleptocrats burn our books? Why do they censor our journalists? Why do they filibuster our politicians? Because they know that words have power! The pen is mightier than the sword. It's like a game of Russian Roulette every time I sit down at my desk and start typing.

I would encourage anyone and everyone to write letters to your representatives and congress. If you don't know what to say, you can use one of my many political letters as a template. I am 100% serious. Just ask, and I will send it to you.

I already know what the contrarians are probably thinking: "But politicians don't even care about you!" That's fine, they don't have to care about me personally, but they WILL listen to what I have to say, whether they want to or not, and I'll make sure of that! The political letters I write, obviously aren't love poems. They are strategically articulated chess moves, in an intricate socioeconomic game plan. When policies directly affect me, my bodily autonomy, or my environment, of course I'm going to get directly involved! I don't have the luxury of feeling sorry for myself, or worse yet, being neutral or indifferent, when immediate action is needed.

I recently got written responses from NM State Representative Melanie Stansbury about my letters regarding defunding and abolishing ICE. A few years ago, I got written responses back from both Deb Haaland and Martin Heinrich, about protecting Bear's Ears National Monument, so I know for a fact that they actually read my messages... And, wouldn't you know if it, Bear's Ears is still protected land! Hell, I even wrote letters to the Iranian government, when the metal band Confess was imprisoned for their anti-religion lyrics. And guess what, they were eventually granted political asylum in Sweden! Maybe my letters had an impact, maybe it was just coincidence, but I'm still pretty sure that it was more effective than just posting passive aggressive doomer memes.

Frederick Douglass. Sojourner Truth. King Sitting Bull. Thom Paine. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Malcolm X. Bell Hooks. Ursula K Le Guin. Margaret Atwood. These are all writers, speakers, photographers, etc, who changed the world with their images and words.

Fashion Forward

Just because I'm a fashionista, doesn't mean that I don't care about social causes. The two obviously aren't mutually exclusive. In fact, there is significant overlap within that particular Venn Diagram. I am outspoken about sustainable ethically-sourced jewelry, thrifting clothes, vegan cruelty-free cosmetics, etc. I am also open and honest about non-fashion issues, especially mental health, addiction recovery, etc. It's not like I randomly forget about human suffering whenever I apply organic lipgloss, or as if posting the occasional selfie, somehow magically prevents me from understanding the income inequality and financial crisis of the current socioeconomic landscape.

Enclothed Cognition is the psychological phenomenon in which your outfit, physical appearance, and environmental surroundings affect your mood. This isn't new age toxic positivity. It's a scientifically proven fact of neuroscience. If you stay in a messy room wearing the same dirty clothes for days on end, the vicious cycle of depression only gets worse and worse. Again, I'm not just blowing smoke, I'm speaking from a lifetime of struggling with my own mental illnesses. Not only that, but what you wear and how you wear it, can also be a powerful sociopolitical statement.

Consider Susan B Anthony and the suffragettes, wearing scandalous bloomers exposing their ankles (ghasp!) and riding bicycles to get voting rights for women. Flappers appropriating male privilege during the roaring 20s with short hair and even shorter skirts. The Zoot Suit riots, named after the eponymous outfit worn by Latino citizens. The cross dressers and drag queens, bravely standing for LGBTQ rights at stonewall. The trippy bohemian attire worn by hippies protesting the Vietnam war during the summer of love. Punks and metalheads, with spiked leather jackets covered in band patches.

If dressing like a hipster helps you feel like a true artist, awesome. If wearing a suit and tie gives you the confidence to stand up to an intimidating authority figure, more power to you. If wearing a fancy dress gives you a sense of self-empowerment against everyone who said you can't wear that, stick it to them!

There's Nothing "Intelligent" about AI

Ever since our ancient neolithic ancestors left ochre handprints on the ancient walls of prehistoric caves, the act of creativity has always made us truly human. Draining an entire river in a third world country, just to make mediocre brainrot slop, is pretty much the exact polar opposite of that. It's not even remotely "creative". It's completely destructive and devastating, not only to the natural environment on planet Earth, but also to your own introspective imagination, and an honest decent work ethic. All that AI does, is digest whatever is force-fed to it, the good the bad and the ugly, and excretes it out the other end. That's right, it's literally crap!

AI doesn't make art "accessible". It makes it lazy, derivative, morally and creatively bankrupt. There's obviously nothing "creative" about letting a machine do all your thinking for you. Of course, some people have more privilege than others, but art has always been relatively accessible to most. You can easily buy cheap canvases, paints, brushes, watercolors, pencils, pens, and other basic supplies at dollar stores and grocery supermarkets, for crying out loud.

Make real art! Imperfect, human, weird, awkward art! It heals your soul, exercises your brain, expands your mind, and increases your natural skill level the more you do it. And you can take pride in the fact that you made something yourself. You made something unique that didn't exist before. You didn't take unearned credit for a distant pollution factory plagiarizing and regurgitating someone else's original ideas.

I used to be curious about AI, and I also jumped on the trend at first... Until I found out how truly awful it is. Look, I understand how tempting it seems, so easy and convenient, maybe even kind of fun and intriguing. But do you really need a distant database to pick your outfits for you, or to provide long term lifestyle advice, or to give you straight up false information? Just use a little bit of common sense to do basic tasks like getting dressed, use your own inherent creativity to invent something uniquely your own, or just ask a real human being, such as friends and family who actually have your best interest at heart, and who are actually capable of understanding context and nuance, instead of blindly trusting the most evil corporations on earth!

Again, I understand the initial appeal of AI, but the novelty has long since gone stale. Yeah sure, the slop videos online were mildly entertaining, at least at first, like acid flashbacks or fever dreams. However, they genuinely made me feel dumber after watching them. All that time that I wasted, could have been better spent, doing literally anything else. Watching paint dry or grass grow would have been more intellectually stimulating.

At best, AI is morally and intellectually lazy. Why the hell would you willingly relinquish the joy of creativity, and outsource your individual voice, to a corrupt capitalistic machine? Self expression is the ultimate rebellion. Nobody can ever think and feel the exact same way that you do. Your experiences are simultaneously unique, and yet universal. Follow your heart. Make mistakes. Your art doesn't have to be perfect. It just has to be REAL.