Read the Room

Autumn, 2019. I found myself buying a book about nunchi during a holiday trip to London, England. The pretty, pink and gold hardcover was enough to draw me in and my affinity to Korean media from my fringe-hipster teenage years had me sold. The semi-spontaneous trip with my mum and sister was to celebrate my cousin's wedding, help with preparations, and post-wedding festivities. Weddings are not just a one-day affair in my culture, so our participation meant taking out the time and resources to fly thousands of miles across the world and be on social-mode for the entire duration of the trip. An arduous task for a planning-control freak-introvert such as myself.

What does my family trip have to do with a book about nunchi?

What is nunchi?

Nunchi, directly translated to 'eye measure', is termed by Euny Hong's book as the "Korean secret to success and happiness". To put it succinctly as I understand it, it is the skill of social sensibility. It is whether or not you possess the skill to read a room and behave in a way that aligns with the situation you have entered, in order to not only get what you want, but to do so without rattling others' cages in the process.

The book states that nunchi is a form of social intelligence and is not the same as having empathy. Having speed is an essential component to nunchi meaning the faster you adapt to a room, the better off you will be. Empathy is not speed dependent and is widely considered a feminine trait, whereas nunchi is a gender neutral skill. While nunchi is not governed by morality, it does have a one thing in common with empathy. Both require you to experience "discomfort for the sake of others".

Non-Koreans may not be able to fully appreciate nunchi in its true essence as it has evolved in the Korean context. However, I can't help but view the concept to be a form of 'sensibility' which exists in other collectivistic cultures in their own ways. The concept may not be identical, but it did explain why, growing up, I had felt drawn to Korean media rather than the dominant North American media channels.

The common themes of social responsibility and collectivism were major similarities with the culture I grew up in, despite the language barrier. Norms such as being considerate of others, upholding numerous unspoken rules or manners, respecting hierarchal dynamics and more distinctly, having polite and impolite grammar built into the language, are commonalities that I resonated with. As many other Asian, or other non-western cultures do.

Such culture-specific social code of conduct is precisely what I relied on during my first trip to London while meeting a whirlwind of relatives I had never met before - or had no recollection of meeting. These values were reciprocated and made for a harmonious trip.

These parallels are what I have been reflecting on over the past year as I witness the rapid rise of K-media. After witnessing the trajectory of the Korean Wave to its present-day popularity, I do believe cultural inclusivity played a major role in the rise of Korean media to mainstream popularity. Were it not for the common thread of seeing 'ethnic' norms and cultural similarities in produced media, audiences wouldn't be as attached to Korean content as they are. It is the inclusion of positive representation of 'third world' cultures and norms that has led global audiences to resonate with the social commentary presented in K-pop, K-dramas, or movies. It has opened a wider net for parasocial interations. Yet, despite increased representation of people of colour in the media, hate crimes and populist movements have continued to rise.

The individualistic culture of the West, although empowering for many, also lacks a sense of social responsibility. There is often an undercurrent of self-entitlement or plain racism which leads to a disharmony with collectivistic communities. Individualistic values such as the freedom of speech supposedly allows everyone to have the beliefs they do. In reality, implementation of such rights is simply not equal. Many face discrimination before even talking, whether its because of the colour of their skin, their clothing, features, name, or a combination of all such factors.

We may do our most to be on our best behaviour, but our best can only go as far as the limits set by those in power. As I reflect on the experiences and identities being politicized over the years, I retreat to inner healing and spiritual solace. My kindness goal for 2022 is to engage in healing so that I may continue to act from places of kindness and inclusivity, rather than contempt. Whether its my immediate family members or a stranger whom I pass by, I hope to exhibit kindness through patience and mindful inclusivity.