When Actions are Deliberate

Actions are sometimes deliberate. I had a bad experience in 2017, where I saw an atomic bomb clairvoyant metaphor in my head before walking into a building far away from home in another neighborhood. This is a symbol I now interpret as saying; there will be drama inside the xyz location. But back then; I was a naïve 36 year old whose parents had just moved. I was going to get a free guard card class, but I realized the drive had caused me stress. I was going to go that meeting to prove I was badass but also my stiff knee hurt. I have a knee injury from yoga class, its' much improved at this time in 2020, but I've been healing from this injury since 2016, March, and I have to take it easy still. Anyway, my point in this article is that some bullies are deliberate about what they do.

We normal people have to navigate the lie the bully tells you about why you deserve their narcissistic behavior. The man who ran the guard card class was busy letting in another young man who had arrived late, while I was given nonsense for being late to the guar card class. I was given nonsense with way too much emotion on the part of the guy running the class. I was not stable that day either, because it was an unusually hot day in May. I was sitting in the room, when he asked me to leave while I was introducing myself to the class. He did say they were waiting for me but he decided to kick me out because that was his intention all along. I received harsh treatment only to find out later that the company has favoritism issues, as well as other dark things going on with their method of running things. I'd rather be unemployed than work for a toxic company or be in a toxic environment. I'm convinced the person who was running the class had an untreated mental illness. I already deal with enough CTPSD, don't add to or aggravate my symptoms please, world. Bullies are very deliberate creatures. They like to cause pain through omitting words or messing with normal people. I recently had to deal with a bullying sort of appointment check-in person at a medical clinic. This bully was pretty much asking me for my insurance card, since it was after the 1st, she also told me that "writing is so…" when I was busy telling her who I am because she was going to do something to put me down, I knew it. I caught her. I saw she had trouble with the non-white folks in the room, as a white person who was having a bad day.

Oh, excuse your racism, lady. I can see dynamics everywhere. I'm learning how to not be as clairaudient in my life right now. I've been teaching myself how to manage the psychic input that I get, which is constant. So the next time I feel the energy in the air cackle, I see an atomic bomb, or I get a buzz in my head saying "look out, person who will give you shit," I will avoid, evade, and counter the situation by choosing differently who I talk to, or for that matter, what type of environment I put myself in. I've been severely bullied in more than one country my whole life. I guess I attract bullies by thinking that they will find me no matter what I do. I'm trying to be less traumatized this year, which is why I watch Youtube videos when I get up in the morning. Yes, I know that I need mental health rehabilitation in the worst way. I'm traumatized, I have to learn to function better with it, and I will just plain go for a work from home job. Work from home jobs seems to be what best for me because I will screen out companies with too much in the way of politics. I have long believed my families' nonsense about how I will never get a job; I'm too impaired to work. I do not want a job where people are deliberate about being mean to people, with their politics. I was about to work for a nonprofit that didn't hire me in the end because I was open about my former addictions. Joy. I knew that there would be politics in that job, so I was glad when they vanished. I am meant to find a company that is worthy of me, my efforts, and my giving of myself to their goals, or I should just start my own companies. Goodness knows the door will be opened soon or is already open.