What on Earth is He Doing?!

What On Earth Is He Doing?

Or:

An Awkward Game of Tag

Note from the Author: So this story is actually based on a true one... when I was 12 years old our family went to a camp called Camp Homewood on Quadra Island. Each family had their own indoor room, and the camp lasted for two days (or maybe it was three?). Anyway, while I was there I made friends with two boys, and unfortunately one of them decided they liked me. I say unfortunately because... well, read the story and then you’ll get it.

HUGE Disclaimer: I wouldn’t recommend copying his method of showing your “devout love” for whomever you may be silently and consistently crushing on. In fact, I will go so far as to not only recommend that you do not do this, but to go on my hands and knees and plead with you that you will not take such a foolish and unromantic way of showing your feelings. My personal advice; do not, whatever you do, do anything to violate their personal space bubble or embarrass them in any way. I am speaking as an experienced wise old lady of the ripe age of *young age redacted* years who has “suffered” both.

Anyway, enjoy! (And feel free to cringe whenever you feel the need to.)

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It was clear that he liked me. (Or at least had it in his head that he did.) Extremely clear. In fact, it was so obviously clear that if you couldn’t see it you must have been blind to reality. And if you still don’t believe me when I state that it was clear as glass, you will when I tell you that he was running all over the camp building trying to catch me so he could hug me. Yes, you heard right. Hug me. What’s that? You still don’t think it was clear? Oh for heaven's sake, you are difficult. Fine then, take a look through my eyes. Then you’ll see what I mean. NO, I do not mean you need to literally look through my eyes. For heaven's sake! It’s a figure of- Oh never mind, just listen to this. Yes, I’ll tell you what happened, if you’ll only just be quiet long enough for me to tell you…

I breathed heavily, eyes searching wildly for somewhere to hide. Right now, I really just wanted a comforting samosa. The last thing I wanted was to play Matthew’s strange game of tag.

“Oh Louise, can’t I pleeease have a hug?” Matthew wheedled as he stood in the hallway. He was 11; immature, kinda odd, and bound and determined to hug me against my will.

“Hah! Definitely not!” I said scornfully as I peeked around the corner. Though I was only a year older, I was much ever so much more mature than him (or at least in my head I was), and knew better than to run around trying to hug people when they don’t want you to. Or allow them to hug you. I shook myself from my thoughts. Pay attention! I said to myself. He grinned and in the low light of the hallway his grin looked strangely childish. For a moment, this was just a game I was playing with a 5 year old. I almost relaxed.

”Pleeeeaase?” He took a step towards me and boom: I was back to reality and shot off immediately like a frightened cat down the carpeted hallway. Behind me, I could hear his feet thwomping after me.

I shot through the dining hall with him on my heels. I could see a blur of oblivious adults watching what to them seemed like a harmless game. Matthew’s Mom was among them. I turned pleading eyes on her, but she was busy talking to someone else and didn’t see me. Clearly I was going to have to use my own cunning and trust Jesus that nothing too strange would happen. I escaped from the kitchen down the stairwell into the downstairs and stopped, looking for a place to hide.

There’s gotta be…. somewhere…. I thought. I searched around, concentrating. Suddenly… Ahah! I spotted a little nook, and just in time too. I could hear him racing down the stairwell, and it was a really short one.

I crammed myself into the nook between a bookshelf and a corner right as his foot touched the last stair. I could hear him slowly walking down the downstairs hallway. He was just passing me when…

Oh no, I thought. I could feel a tickle in my nose. I was going to sneeze…

“Aaa…ahh…ACHOO!”

I sneezed, and he turned. And saw me. His face lit up. I cringed.

“Louise!” His voice was one of pure delight. “There you are!” I groaned inwardly, not delighted in the least. Quite the opposite, really. ”Louiiiise…. Can’t I have a hug?”

“No!” Obviously.

I ran past him…but there was nowhere to go. I had run right into a dead end. I was trapped! He slowly walked towards me, his face triumphant. I got ready to possibly punch him if he came any closer. Then, he saw my face. Suddenly, the look on his face changed from a triumphant one to… straight out confused? What on earth? I thought. Then, as though the mere idea of it was ludicrous, he awkwardly questioned,

“You really don’t want a hug, do you?”

I inwardly breathed a sigh of relief. This I could handle easily.

“Come on dude.” I thought I was being really cool in my young mind. “Why do you think I’m running? Obviously if I wanted you to hug me, I wouldn’t be running away saying no.” I had A LOT of experience with how to deal with this sort of thing due to my 8 year old younger brother asking similar ridiculous questions.

“Well…I thought maybe you were joking or something!”

I sighed. “No. I was definitely serious.”

Inside my mind went: What on earth?! How delusional can you get?! He thought I was JOKING?!?

“Well…um…you see…“ and then he got down on his knees. Oh brother, here goes nothing, I thought.

He cleared his throat and mustered up his very best English accent. “Dearest Louise,” he said as I cringed inwardly,

“I am here to utter from the very deepesteth and darkesteth depths of my hearteth, that you are the most amazingeth, wondrous, and spectacularest young lady that I have ever met. I have lovethed you from the dayeth that we firstest meteth. Now,” his voice got even more overly dramatic,” WILL, YOU, MARRY ME?”

I stood there in complete shock, which he noticed.

“I- I mean, when we are older, of course…” He offered, still kneeling and looking up at me hopefully.

My brain was just…completely amazed. Marry him?!? After knowing him for two days? And after him chasing me all over the camp in order to invade my personal space against my will? Of course, he was only 11 so it wasn’t a huge deal, but…come on!

“I- I- I just- NO!!! Of course not!! Honestly! How can you even ask such a ridiculous- never mind.” Likely he would look back on his past decisions and realize how utterly ridiculous he had been, but for now, he was only 11. He would understand in time. I simply shook my head and walked away, praying that he would realize his mistake.

“Louise! Wait,”

I sighed. What now? I turned around. “What is it?” I said, not even trying to keep the annoyance out of my voice.

“I- I’m sorry. I’ve been ridiculous. I should never have chased you around or asked such a- a silly question. Can you forgive me?” I looked at him, shocked into silence once again. Who was this new kid? His whole face had been completely transformed into one of pure humility. He looked almost… angelic?! God had clearly opened his eyes.

I recovered my composure. “Well…yes, of course I forgive you,”

“Thanks Louise.” I gave him a quick smile, then turned towards the kitchen. The dinner bell had rung, and after such a crazy ordeal I was hungry. Besides, I could smell samosas!