Anxiety Struggles

Writing has been in my blood since before I can remember. I have short stories that I had written back from when I was five or six years old, granted they barely make sense now, but even from a young age I loved writing and reading. Going through primary school and then on to high school, English was always my strongest subject and I would devour book after book. As I got older and gained more responsibilities, I read less but still tried to keep the imagination alive by thinking of short stories, characters and scenarios. Towards the end of year ten in 2002 at high school my direction and thoughts changed as I was leaning towards design in terms of architecture or interior design as a possible career path. This was all while working part time in a supermarket, and by year eleven I was barely keeping up with working part time and study. Making the decision to leave school in 2003 before half way was a tough decision. It was a decision my parents and I had talked about and that whatever decision I made, they would support me regardless.

Throwing myself into work with more hours was awesome for the next year and a bit, until my world as I knew it fell to pieces (yes I may be exaggerating, but it is how I felt at the time). The silent illness of Anxiety and Panic Attacks had grabbed me and refused to let me go. Every time my mum or dad would drop me to work (I didn’t have my licence yet), I would be hysterical and refuse to get out of the car and be inconsolable until they gave up and drove me home again. Here I was, seventeen years old, and acting like a child but I couldn’t help it. It’s was like I was out of control of my emotions. I couldn’t work, couldn’t go back to school, so my bedroom became my cave and the more anxious I got, the more I ate which was a vicious cycle. I was scared what my future held, would I overcome this or would I be destined to live life always on edge.

My parents were unsure what to do and so in 2005 they took me to a doctor who put me on my very first anxiety medication. I started to see improvement in myself, but still couldn’t work. Finally at the end of 2006, I started to explore going back to get my high school certificate, but didn’t like the idea of going back to high school. This is how I found a TAFE course called Certificate 4 in Adult Tertiary Preparation which was the equivalent of Year 11/12 of high school.

Even though this meant stepping out of my comfort zone and having to deal with my anxiety in a real life situation and trying to overcome my fears. I needed to do this, not just for me but my family who had been worried about what life held for me. Starting TAFE in 2007 sparked something in me, and for the first time since leaving school I felt alive. I was excited to have somewhere to go every day, see new people and learn new subjects. By the end of 2007 coming up to TAFE Graduation, majority of my fellow classmates were discussing what their next steps were, and for the first time in a while, I felt like I could forge a new path. In my eyes, university was a massive possibility, I was scared but I thought I can do this and I did this.

Stay Tuned for Future Post About My University Journey…