Breath

Writing this article on air, maybe 500 meters up above the sky, after a long trip – a month in Perth, Australia. I remind myself of the life I spent in this place, a life that reminded me to be alive. Before leaving to Perth, there was a side of me that carried the weight of the world around me, and also of the world beyond me. The word “present” was only something I read as I scroll through reels, or some random motivation. It was so far beyond reach that I barely took a deep breath, stood still, or slept without my pillow, feeling like it got drenched under the rain or perhaps my tears. Questions running through my head, trying to find a solution to every problem that arose, only to be entangled by the very problem again, as I could not find my way out. Every attempt I made to release myself or to escape from the unbreakable tie I had with my fear, worries, anxieties, life most unpredictable events, and so on, the rope held tighter, suffocating me while making my world smaller and smaller and yet even smaller. Alongside the suffocation, guilt was playing its vital role in the hurricane I built in my head, guilt that I couldn’t spend more time with my grandparents, as their wrinkles deepened and skin loosened, their hearts yearned for my presence, to remind them that they were loved, appreciated, and valued.

Amidst all the inevitable confusion and weight I was carrying, there was a tiny voice, whispering through the cracks of hope, I now name it my “calling”, to hop onto the flight and travel. So, I did so, giving it a chance to show me how it can turn into magic. Little did I know that this flight could change the course of my life, marking the beginning of a life lived in clarity, lived beyond fear, a life lived with purpose, most importantly, a life that I could be excited for waking up early in the morning. A month flew by, some days were just regular days, but the stillness around me showed me the beauty of regular days, and how the regular days were the in-between and most parts of our lives. The days that shape you, days that ground you, days that occur behind the scenes, the sweat and tears. The stillness reminded me to find joy in the ordinary, find peace in the regular, and find rhythm in the routine. Those were the days, I read, watched movies, slept, spent quiet time with the Lord and myself, planned, write.

Then were the days that were the answers to every argument I had within myself, the “magic” that I read in books as writers engrave the essence of travelling, the kind of clarity we get by being amazed of how much the world has to offer, and how we could live a life beyond the four walls of conflict, ego, anger, blame, and many more. Those were the days that I looked at the vastness of the ocean and wondered how far it could go, I looked at the clear blue sea with dolphins and fishes maintaining the ecosystem and silently hoping to be part of that ecosystem, I looked to the sky and the colours painted and wondered how could anyone bring this to life, I walked through the hood and wondered if I could freeze the peace I felt with my camera, I looked to the moon and sprinkle of stars and wondered what made them shine when it’s all dark out there. Every moment reminded us that there was a life beyond the skies, beyond the sea, in the tree trunk, in the playfulness of the dolphins, the kisses of tiny birds, the clapping of tree branches, the sand along the seashore, the waves that sway to the rhythm of the wind. There was a life beyond ME! That very thought was my breakthrough; maybe it was the purpose of 25 years of life.

Something that sparked light into the soreness of life came with a flicker of thought that no one ever took this path, the path to serve, and yet to live life to the fullest, keeping everything else as part of the consequence of living life to the fullest – success, money, fame, recognition, purpose. There was one saying that kept replaying in my mind, which was “keep doing what you love, and everything else will fall into place.” It came to my mind that when you have nothing with you, God, your passion, and hard work is all you need to board the train to a station called “life to its fullest”. Here I am, standing bare-faced holding on to the 2 most important treasures of my life, first my love for medicine, and the other my love for life itself. Just holding them both with no clue about the path, the reason, the purpose, the why, or the how, yet something in me says this is all you need to go forward.

My favourite part of the entire journey was the lessons I learnt and let me share some, if you would like to know,

Lessons:

1. There isn’t anyone who is a failure in life; there are just some who choose to hear the voices in their heart, some choose to hear the voices of the world, and some choose to hear the voices of their trauma, and everyone is walking through life accordingly.

2. The world is way bigger than you think it is, and it has so much to offer, so pack your bag and get out there, even if it’s just to the beach in the next state.

3. Learn to slow down and appreciate the days in between, because those are the days that rebuild and redirect you.

4. If there’s one thing you want to chase, let it be life itself.

5. When you understand how big life is, then anger, hatred, ego, hurt and every negative thing you can think of becomes very tiny.

6. It’s everyone’s first time living, so we are bound to make mistakes; it is okay to make them, but it is NOT to stay in them.

7. Don’t try to fix everything at once, because it’s just a way to tell yourself that you are miserable, and just let life breathe, let yourself breathe, as time goes by, you will find your way through it.

8. Learn something new, no matter your age; it helps you age slower and helps you through your hardest days. (Reels help with that Tho)

9. Heartbreaks are hard, but the life we choose after it can be the most awakening and beautiful one, too.

10. Love is the crux of life itself, so love first your creator, yourself, then life itself, and finally with someone who does the same.

11. Lastly, it is totally fine to take the road that no one has taken before, because God is very specific with His vision for every one of His Best Creation.