Who's The Real Deadpool

Deadpool is raking it in at the theaters at nearly 600 million dollars and counting. There’s probably a reason I enjoy Deadpool so much. We’ve got a lot in common.

In the first Deadpool, Wade Wilson is diagnosed with cancer. He doesn’t know he’s sick until he sees a doctor. By the time he does, he’s royally screwed.

That was me in February and March. Completely and royally screwed. I was better than Wade Wilson. It didn’t hit my brain. Still, Stage IV with an extensive spread meant that the doctor’s expectation was I’d be dead in a couple of years or less.

Wait a minute! We have other things in common!

First of all, I’m a sexy beast! LOL!

Seriously, much like Wade Wilson, I’ve had that experience where someone tried to kill me and proved I’m hard to kill. That’s not to say it’s impossible. It’s just not easy. Of course, I’ve never been torn in half or blown into dozens of pieces the way old Deadpool has. If I ever return from either, I better buy lottery tickets for every drawing that day.

Bullets are a favorite of mine because they have missed so many times. Then, there’s the one that hit me. It was like something out of a movie.

In Deadpool 2, Cable uses his time device to go back through time and put something right where Deadpool gets shot. Rewind, the scene plays again, but this time, Deadpool is safe, albeit a little sore.

Yes, that happened to me. It wasn’t the fancy time-traveling scenario by one of my heroic compadres, but something deflecting a bullet. It happened in October of 97, and it hurt like hell. A bullet struck me near a pocket. I used to smoke, and I carried a zippo in that pocket.

Being stabbed sucked. That’s an unfortunate scenario I’ve lived through not once but twice. Seriously, I’d prefer to get shot again than stabbed.

The first time was one night when I was where I shouldn’t have been and there at the wrong time. Some buttmunch pulled a knife on me, and before I knew it, it was in my arm. Funny enough, that prompted me to get my first tattoo. It was a Wolverine, like the one from Deadpool and Wolverine, not that black suit from the Fox Studios version.

So many good times. It seemed for a long time that I’d spend my life with bullets whizzing by my head, chaos surrounding my world, and danger lurking around every corner. If you weren’t getting into intense situations, you were living a boring life.

From the first time I found myself dodging bullets in the 80s, when I was 17, to the craziness of the 90s, through to 2020, when I left the sheriff’s department, I had 31 years of people trying to take me off the planet. Sometimes, I was doing it for money, as a professional hazard. Other times, when I was younger, it might have been because I wasn’t the most intelligent young man.

If you've never been in a crowded club and had bullets whizzing by your butt as you dive over a bar, well you've not lived!

Like Deadpool, I suffered from a second terminal affliction of more guts than brains. I think Wolverine would agree that there’s a cure and it’s growth, wisdom, and change.

Now, I’m just waiting for those superpowers!

It’s crazy how life can imitate art and art imitates life.

Thanks for reading.

Sincerely,

Not Deadpool, because that would be crazy! Or would it?

See Deadpool and Wolverine in Theaters! It's awesome, or it wouldn't have made nearly 600 Million in its first week.