2 For $7
Conveniently Cruel: A Tasty Epistolary
Dear, Fast-Food... (Except Chipotle)
From the depths of velvety smooth chocolate milkshake oceans to the mountains of sodium-laden deep-fried goodies, I commend you for the variety of fare you offer. However, I condemn you for the magnetized clutch you've induced.
I, like many others find myself entranced in a daydream of choosing who will gain my undivided attention when indecisiveness is commanding. The process of elimination becomes exceedingly difficult when your variety sets the stage for an internal argument between my gut and my sense of reasoning.
I shan't fear you no more...
I chose to sever this harrowing relationship filled with rectangular condiment packets, plastic forks, straws, paper packaging, waxy cylinder-shaped drink containers and crumbs upon crumbs of delicious crunchiness that crunched away during a savory bite. All of it litters my vehicle faster than lightning striking the earth.
You don't care about me and the clusters of lard coursing through my veins. All you care about is attracting me with your booby trap deals and your colorful neon signs at night which entice and lure the unsuspecting. I shall wear blinders in order to blot you out my peripheral, since I should be focusing on the planned destination anyway. No pit stops for sublime Oreo blizzards, no spicy tongue from Cajun fries with ketchup, no gorditas that barely contain any wholesome authentic flavors, no footlong subs with endless piles of meat and cheese, no sugary, cavity causing Frappuccinos and especially none of those “two all-beef patties special sauce lettuce cheese pickles onions on a sesame bun.” They temporarily satisfy, yet irritate me with a passion...
I feel disgusted, cheated and filled with grief over your contemplative existence... but not enough to quit you yet... Damn it all to Hell and back!... See you tomorrow at noon.
Sincerely,
Your favorite customer, Weakness.
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About the Creator
Lamar Wiggins
Creative writer in the Northeast US who loves the paranormal, mystery, true crime, horror, humor, fantasy and poetry.
"Life is Love Experienced" -LW
LDubs
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Comments (34)
Ha ha!🤣 thank goodness I’d just eaten, because this would’ve made me crave fast food.
great read. Love this
haha, great read! I loved the detail and imagery you put into this--filled with so much love and loathing! And of course, now all your readers want fast food! 🤣
This was great. I definitely have a love hate relationship with fast food we break up and get back together all the time😂
Ha ha ha! This was so funny! 'So you back at noon'! Know how you feel... Congrats on your top story! Now if you can excuse me, I'm of to drown my sorrows in 'Baconators'... and maybe some pop... a couple of fries... milkshake...
I read this a couple of times , I did not comment , was very busy. This was so fun to read and entertaining 😊
Hahaha that was excellent! The struggles of the average American having to repeatedly drive by all those traps. Loved the way you described all of this!
And …..ta da da da (trumpet) congrats on the Top Story !! 🥇🥇
My mouth waters like Pavlov’s dog while my stomach cry’s in fear of a potential onslaught. This was great Lamar. Most excellent. 🥰
Keep it up See you on your next stories
Lol, this was awesome! See you tomorrow at noon 🤣🤣🤣 Congratulations on your Top Story!
I've never wanted Taco Bell more than I do right now.
Haha! See you at noon! So true! I'm lovin' it. Congrats on your top story:)
Such a fun take on the challenge. Here's to self-restraint. Congratulations on your Top Story!
Gotta say- I love the gorditas, but they are a big NO on keto.
Brilliant writing Lamar! Now I want 2 dive into a velvety smooth chocolate milkshake ocean! LOL Well done!😊
Really want a pizza now
Woah, just saw this. Big time congratulations on Top Story Lamar! This is so deserved!
Congratulations 🎉 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉💯😉
I'm reading this with my order of Bingz 🤣😭🤣😭. Congratulations on your Top Story! 😄🤗
Man, this was good! Congratulations on Top Story!
I agree Chipotle’s guacamole is a realm of its own. Fun read! Congratulations on Top Story!
Yay Lamar congrats on top story!! This kind of made me hungry…
Does Five Guys count as fast food? I hate fast food, but after some cannabis induced munchies I’ve been known to have a Five Guys milkshake and fries delivered to my doorstep. This was a fun take on the challenge.
I always get excited when I see a notification that you've released a new piece. Even more excited to see it's also a TS! This was hilarious Lamar haha