inimicus intus
Self-reflective, introspective, stream of concsiousness poem.
breakdown - why is it always the end?
shutdown - when the lights and care go out
beatdown - lovelesselflesssoullesshopeless
a pretty breakdown in the middle of an ugly time
reset - not a cop-out
redirect - not a disavowal
restart - getting up is the hardest part
a pretty breakdown in the middle of an ugly time
look in the mirror who do I see?
my favourite enemy staring back at me
cursed, it so often feels as such
enslaved to depravity
think to myself, talk to my soul
how do I fill the missing void, the hole?
mind over matter? mind in the gutter
drip the butter, wake the serpent
talk myself out of the funk
fill myself with daily junk
take your own portent
tragedy strikes in the mud
make and unmake plans
coast the never-ending directionless plain
when freedom aligns and ignites
really, the worst of internal musing and contemplations
the passionate embrace of ego and denounced self-respect
lie to myself, cry to myself
feed the ego, feed the critic
who needs the higher ground when the alternative
is drowning in unrestrained desire and infamy
starve the esteem
no you in the dream team
ripping and tearing, shedding the skin
ruled over by none but our pantheon of disregard and sweat
once you pop, you can't stop the floodgates
open, free-flowing flooding, we're drowning
when the desire for the mire outweighs the urge
to vivisect and forget the serpent
at the golden dawning to the dusky low lights of the nights
with self-respect and a morally balanced intellect
*
Thanks for reading!
Author's Notes: Aye, it's been a while. For many reasons, I dropped the ball. Had to really. Was too focused on here. Learned my lesson now, though, but will be back. Still have to read more for my "Advocacy challenge" that people shared with me and will do so in due time, as I will with any comments and replies I need to follow up on.
Although I stopped writing for a short time in my absence, I didn't stop completely. As you can see from the above.
Here are some other things too:
About the Creator
Paul Stewart
Award-Winning Writer, Poet, Scottish-Italian, Subversive.
The Accidental Poet - Poetry Collection out now!
Streams and Scratches in My Mind coming soon!
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A Letter to the Firestarter
Dear Firestarter, We can all see you, we've been watching you since you began. In case you didn't know we were here before you and we will be here after. We witnessed your rise, your setbacks, your guilt and your lies. We witnessed you start the fire.
By Donny Foley5 days ago in Poets
Comments (16)
Back to say congrats on #2 most discussed story this week!! Great work Paul!!
This leaves me feeling bruised and breathless... A little too relatable for me Paul and I loved it!! One of my favourites lines was the one bit Mackenzie pointed out below and then "restart - getting up is the hardest part"... literally made my blood run cold with unrest!! Great work here my friend, hope you are well!!
Wow! This is SLAM. "enslaved to depravity think to myself, talk to my soul how do I fill the missing void, the hole? mind over matter? mind in the gutter drip the butter, wake the serpent talk myself out of the funk fill myself with daily junk" Best part. This is feels like a vent. Hope you're okay! I noticed you went quiet for a while there. But life always has to happen, eh? Great one, pal. This is powerful introspection, with a little glimmer at the end. We're always fighting our nature. ❤️
Sir Paul, you went MIA without any notice! I even texted Ruth to ask if things were okay but she didn't reply. I didn't know how else tp contact you. Even Grz was asking me about you and I was as lost as he was. Just please next time, let us know so that we don't worry 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
Oh man, this one was an emotional journey, but I so love your flow and stream of consciousness, even if the content is heavy—as I’ve said so many times, the honesty of your work makes it so incredibly powerful. Loved this one, Pal, even though it kinda broke my heart. I hear you on the balance thing. It’s a tough one to conquer. I feel extreme in my time allocations.It’s hard to find the middle ground. Do what feels best for you, always! As you know, everyone here is so excited to read when you’re ready to share! Sending hugs across the pond! ✨
Excellent
Ah Paul, I think your time away coincided with mine, so I didn't spot it. Yeah, it's easy to get the balance wrong, it's a dynamic picture, hard to calibrate. We are dynamic, hard to calibrate. Sometimes, we're going to get it wrong.
Missed seeing your name in my notifications! But time away is often necessary! Back with a brilliant stream of consciousness piece! A pleasure to read despite the ache in it
As long as you find your balance, you'll be okay! And I love those song choices for the nonet!
Great to see you back! Your stream-of-consciousness flows are second to none. They always make me think. Take care of yourself :)
Good to see you on here and writing :) This was incredibly painful to read as you pointed out the villain in the mirror, which reflects so poorly sometimes. But other times it shows determination and strength. Chin up, my friend, be gentle with yourself and those you love.
So poignant and deeply, emotionally human.
Well-wrought! I shot a hole in the ball and threw the deflated mass in the dumpster, so don't worry about dropping it, just write on!
Very well expressed pal, and relatable in a tangential fashion. That particular enemy is always the most dangerous. Glad to see your name in the notifications again and good to know you've been writing.
This was a sad read my friend. Ya gotta stop sometimes.. I’m happy you were still writing a little and that some time away has given you what you need, hopefully. Not gonna lie, we missed you. Ginormous hugs and positive vibes sent your way!! 😄
Great to see you back in the notifications Paul. This was a real emotional journey through the sticky tar of suffering… it takes me back to when I felt stuck there! Really well done 👏