Poetry Vol. 1

Most of these will have titles, others won't. Please feel free to make suggestions, but please stay positive and aware. All of these were written while I was struggling with something in life, and are a display of my raw emotion at that time. Thank you.

All these lies

Seen and heard through

Broken Hearted eyes.

Can we ever heal?

Parts lost

Parts given away.

At the end of the day,

Who's left behind.

Faces that hide

A mask covers it all.

Pain shown in eyes

No way to hide the soul.

Wishing for better.

No way to move forward.

All the fear falls over.

Is our end near?

Love so strong,

Please, hold on.

Slippery grips loosen,

Did we let go?

-Stacey B. 11/18/21

Dark eyes look out.

He knows who slinks about.

Light flickers off and on.

One solitary cough.

Smoke slowly burns and blinds,

Broken minds are hidden behind

Cold dead eyes.

Pale skin no longer looks alive.

Watching carefully,

You can always see.

One last hit,

Bodies drop.

Like an unforgiving fire,

He claims them all.

Not a soul left alone.

All will be welcome in his home.

Prayers are answered,

Pain will end.

Black clouds cover the sky.

Stay back,

Don't go near.

Look the other way,

This is no place for you to stay.

Hands reach outward,

Only to curl back from the light.

Don't try to escape.

His eyes see all.

No escape from this embrace,

He holds on tight.

Don't try to fight.

Once you trade day for night,

There is no way back.

-Stacey B. 11/18/21

Like a cold hand on your throat,

It's grip is harsh.

Unforgiving,

Refusing to let go.

A wicked smile appears,

One single glint visible.

All hope lost.

No way back,

No escape,

A dark embrace.

Accept the pain.

Once you give in,

It's not so bad.

Comfort, Consistent.

Always there in the cold dark corners.

Golden eyes watch with glee,

The blood keeps flowing.

No way to stop,

Take a deep breath,

Let go.

Welcome home.

-Stacey B. 11/18/21

Bitter Sweet:

Why does this have to hurt?

I just wanted to be happy for once.

Right when I find you,

You have to leave me so soon.

All the days I've spent with you have been amazing.

I wouldn't trade them for anything.

Knowing each day draws closer to the last,

Makes me more sad than I could ever say.

I wish I could simply hold you for a minute,

And it'd turn into forever.

I wish that there was some way

You wouldn't have to go.

I know that you care,

I can see it in your eyes.

It's not that I doubt you,

Just worries me you'll forget us.

You are the one thing I will never forget.

All the moments we've shared.

The secret times together.

They're moments too sweet to forget.

Like the day at the river,

Where we just sat there and held each other.

You threatened to throw me in,

I told you I'd drag you down with me.

I laughed so hard,

I felt like my ribs would burst.

I want to feel like this

Till the ends of my days.

I hope that someday,

You'll be able to look and me and see

All that I feel for you.

That some day,

I can hold you close,

When we both open our eyes,

They'll say those three words

That I've waited a lifetime to hear.

I love you.

-Stacey B. 6/10/15

Broken Again:

My whole body hurts.

My chest aches,

This empty feeling I have,

Is something I thought I'd gotten rid of.

I keep trying to stop,

The tears keep coming.

I wish I had more time with you.

I have so much more to say.

Please, when you're gone.

Don't you dare forget me.

Don't you dare let go.

Please don't leave.

I know you have to go,

I still don't want you to.

I can't imagine,

How life will be without you.

I hold back tears.

Until no one else is around.

I fall to my knees,

Cry on the ground.

I feel like the light has been taken away.

I can't see the sun.

Like my reason for living,

Has died and moved on.

Having had you in my life,

Even for this short time.

Has been the best days ever.

I'm glad you were mine.

I cry now,

Soon you'll be gone.

I'll be able to smile later,

When I see you come home.

For now it's shattering me.

To think that I won't get to see your face.

Touch your skin,

Taste your lips.

My heart aches with your loss.

I feel broken inside.

Promise me you'll wait,

Stay forever mine.

You have become my whole life.

Of that I don't joke.

A world without you,

Would be a world I left.

Please don't ever leave me.

I couldn't bare the pain.

If I ever scream and plea.

Just whisper my name.

-Stacey B. 6/14/15

Lost:

The pain stings anew.

Tears are many.

I had thought it'd be different,

When you came back to me.

It's as if there,

Was never anything between us.

Can't you tell I'm hurt?

Do you care enough to see?

I want to go back,

Just walk away.

I'd never have to see,

You with her, not me.

I've been told to leave.

I just can't let you go.

I put my whole being into this.

It's destroying me.

I just want to be happy.

I felt that with you.

All I feel now is pain.

I don't know what to do.

Don't you care that it hurts?

Why are you doing this?

I'm trying to hold back the sobs.

I'm failing horribly.

Please, can't someone see?

All the pain inside me?

I just want to let it all go,

Run away.

-Stacey B. 9/02/15

Accepted Pain:

My scars glow with pain.

The sorrow is new again.

I reached for the dark,

Gave up my soul.

When my silent screams were finally heard,

All that was left of me,

Was an empty shell.

I'd already been lost.

I gave in and let go.

My head and heart were finally done.

Emotions I felt were gone.

I slipped away into the dark.

I let all the color drain away.

Simply embraced the blackness.

I accepted I was alone.

Slipped away.

-Stacey B. 9/02/15

No More:

It's all silent as I lean against the wall. I feel the heat of my tears as they fall. All I hear is a lonely weeping sound. It's all I hear as my tears hit the ground. I want to live no more.

I'm filled with an empty aching. Before I realize it, my whole is shaking. I've done it once more, I'm hurt deep in my core. I want to live no more.

I see no point to care. They didn't, so it's only fair. My screams echo through the empty halls. Will I be the tree no one hears fall? I want to live no more.

I feel the pain deep inside me. It's the pain no one else will ever see. I've lost my mind. I don't know what for. I want to live, No More.

-Stacey B. 7/12/13

Falling Down:

Falling,

Falling down.

I can't grip anything.

So I fall.

I reach for hands I can't see.

I try to hold onto the edge.

There's nothing to grab.

Nothing to catch me.

I wait for the ground to come.

I never hit.

Just fall.

All the way down.

I don't know where to,

I just keep going.

It never ends.

It never stops.

Others reach for me,

I can't get to them.

In the end,

I fall alone.

I get tired of trying to stop.

Just let myself fall.

I close my eyes,

Let my body drift.

That's when I hit.

My back smacks the ground.

All the air is gone.

I'm left gasping.

It hurts as if I have

Broken all the bones in my body.

My ribs are cracked and crumbled.

I'm dying.

A rib has pierced my heart.

My light is fading.

I remember the last thing I did,

Before I jumped and let it behind.

I kissed you.

As sweetly as I ever could.

I looked into your eyes,

Stepped down.

I fell,

I fell alone.

Now I lay dying,

I'll die alone.

One single tear,

Flows down.

Before my final sigh,

I whisper goodbye.

-Stacey B. 7/19/15

Slip Away:

At this moment,

I lay crying on the floor.

Tears overrun my face.

Pain over takes my heart.

I don't want to be alone.

Yet the sight of other people hurts.

No one else can see the knife in my chest.

No one else can understand my suffering.

I wanted only to see the light again.

Even now that is gone.

All I need now,

Is to sit in my solitary prison.

To be alone is all I need.

It's what causes my pain.

As I lay on the floor,

I wish I didn't live.

To have died young,

Would have been perfect.

There would be no pain,

No suffering to feel.

To have died as an innocent,

Never having loved,

Never having lost.

Just a happy child who didn't know.

Then I remember how the sun felt.

How the winter bites.

Spring comes alive,

Autumn is full of color.

It doesn't change how I feel.

It makes me push away.

I don't want the memories. I just want the escape.

My chest aches like a hand is squeezing it.

I feel it all the time now.

It hurts to breath in.

A fake smile kills me.

My light is fading.

I don't bother fighting it.

I let it slip away.

Just whisper goodbye.

I pull my body closer.

Let the tears fall out.

The moments slip by,

Don't look back.

My body shakes with pain.

I don't bother screaming your name.

No one can hear me down here.

I've lost myself.

I don't want out anymore.

I let the pain take me.

Slip away.

-Stacey B. 7/19/15

Let go:

My tears fall silently.

I begin to cry silently.

The ache in my chest throbs.

Of my happiness it robs.

I can't describe how it feels.

My darkest thoughts reel.

The ache grows stronger.

It's beginning to last longer.

As I think of you,

All I feel is true.

I just wish there was some way,

To see you as mine one day.

I know that it's a silly thing.

I can't help what for.

Especially when you sing,

I fall for you that much more.

If you could be here as my first tear falls,

Would you hear the silent screams?

Would you stop me in the halls,

Help me before I split at the seams?

It gets so dark here.

I'm always filled with so much fear.

I've struggled so hard.

I just don't have the right card.

Trying to survive this thing called life,

Is like a two-sided knife.

No matter how hard you try and stay alive,

It ends up cutting you deep.

I get the feeling that the light is gone.

I've lost my soul.

I don't have anymore notes to my song.

I feel spun around Darks Dole.

I can feel my life ebbing away.

I don't fight it to stay.

I have let it go.

I don't have any regrets to show.

I finally let it all go...

-Stacey B. 4/07/15

SMHDWMY:

I've spent seconds,

Trying to stay calm.

Taking deep breaths.

Hoping to go numb.

I've spent minutes,

Thinking it'll be okay.

Saying I'll make it.

Knowing I won't.

I've spent hours,

Waiting for it to end.

Praying I don't wake up.

Knowing in my heart I will.

I've spent days,

Dreading the next.

Hoping it'll be painless.

Knowing it never will.

I've spent weeks,

Hoping someone would see.

As the weeks go by,

I lose hope anyone will.

I've spent months,

Trying to figure it out.

Why I always feel like,

There's never an end to suffering.

I've spent years,

Believing I could make it.

Trying to convince myself.

It will get better.

I spent months,

Planning every detail.

Knowing when it would happen.

How I would let it.

I spent weeks,

Figuring out who would know.

Trying to decide,

What I would say.

I spent days,

Worrying if I could do it.

Knowing that when it got bad,

I'd finally be free.

I spent hours,

Preparing myself for it.

Once this had started,

There would be no going back.

I spent minutes,

Counting down to my time.

In my chest my heart raced.

Excited for what was next.

I spent seconds,

Watching me say goodbye.

Knowing once I left,

It'd be a final goodbye.

-Stacey B. 9/27/15

I Don't Want:

I don't want the tears.

They fall.

I don't want the pain.

It hurts.

I don't want the space.

It's all around.

I don't want the sobs.

They cry loud.

I don't want to be alone.

Yet no one's around.

I don't want to suffer anymore.

I'm drowning in it.

I don't want to be so tired.

I can't sleep.

I don't want to feel so sick,

My stomach churns in agony.

I don't want to be like this,

Yet I know nothing else.

I don't want to be here.

I'm stuck in so deep.

I don't want to be broken.

Nothing to fix myself with.

I don't want this.

I can't get free.

I don't want to lose myself.

Can't someone help me?

I don't want to end it yet.

My grave seems to be dug already.

I don't want to be alone.

I'm crying out for help.

I don't want to be so lost.

No one is replying.

Please, hear my cries.

Someone please help me.

I can't go on alone.

Someone,

Please hear me.

-Stacey B. 12/02/15

Dark Roads:

I collapsed in the dark of my room.

My tears pouring down my cheeks.

I sealed my doom.

The Darkness for me seeks.

I should have turned back.

Now it's the light I lack.

I made a deal.

My bloody soul the seal.

I had fallen so low,

I'd taken the last blow.

He offered a way out,

I trusted Him without a doubt.

He promised a place with no pain.

He didn't say I'd stay sane.

I dared to play the game.

Lost my Name.

At first it was fun,

Then my soul was none.

I had made a bet with the devil,

I had lost.

I'm lost in this dark,

My only company is a lonely Lark.

I am stone cold and heartless.

My life is such a mess.

He glowed as my Dark Prince.

He has had my soul every since.

I first saw him shine,

I wanted him as mine.

He had me on a path.

A path not meant to last.

I hit the floor,

As he slams the door.

I followed the Dark,

Ended up in Hell.

Now my precious light,

I'll never see again.

-Stacey B. 12/15/15

Dark Calls:

It calls to me. The Darkness inside beckons me to come back. It's there, Pulling on my sleeve. Anything to get me to notice it.

I try to ignore it. With every spoken word, I begin to turn back to it.

You push me further away. Into it's harsh arms I fall. It feels like home here. Wrapped in Deaths pain and sorrow.

My heart bleeds misery. It hurts without you near me. You held it at bay. Now, it's where I lay.

The smoke releases my pain; causes a new. The empty bed calls, but I can never sleep.

This ache keeps me awake. The blade sits bloody and dripping in the corner. I don't remember the cut, but I remember the bite.

No one notices the difference, I hide it all too well. The Darkness calls to me. It welcomes me with open arms.

I walk to it like an old friend. Deep within, I know that if I go back....There would be no way out again.

I will drowned in tears. Shatter with pain. As it calls my name, I realize I've lost to it again.

It's the end of my time. So I'll simply whisper goodbye. Leave with a sigh, All while I wait endlessly for you to finally pass by.

-Stacey B. 12/15/15

Lost in the Dark:

Lost in the dark, my open wounds bleed red. There waits the shark, hungry and unfed. My soul has left me. I've drifted to this black sea. Lost in a world alone, my fear was unknown. I sold it all to the demon, I played the game and lost. Now I'm floating here doomed. A horrible fate over me looms. With no current to take me anywhere, I'm left without a care. As I drift aimlessly, I wonder if you miss me. The memories pass me by, I let out a lonely sigh. I miss how your kisses tasted. Your skin as soft as lace. I push myself away, unable to watch that day. I hear your voice call out, one last fearful shout. A lone tear falls. The water replays your calls. Unable to answer you, I sit simmering like a sad stew. I left you all alone there. As you screamed at me, it's not fair, I left you crying on the floor. I walked away, out the door. I regret every second, every word, I never meant it. I was trying to save you from me. I was losing myself already. So I took my knife, said goodbye to life. Here I am now, Lost in the dark.

-Stacey B. 9/17/14

Holes:

I sit here in thinking,

About how far I'm sinking.

I try so hard to live,

I only have so much to give.

I never wanted to fall so low.

I tried to just go with the flow.

I never wanted it to show.

I never wanted you to know.

I've been hurt so bad,

It's deep down.

If you could see into my soul,

You'd see all the tiny holes.

Each a small chunk of me,

That I gave to others.

In hopes that maybe,

I can make someone smile.

If I cut out one more piece,

Give it to you.

Would you care enough,

To give a piece to me from you?

-Stacey B. 11/27/14

Escape:

I need an escape!

I feel as if I can't breath.

There's this weight that's

Pushing me under.

If I were to cry out,

Would anyone hear?

Or would it bounce back,

My own failure laughing in my face.

The shivers take me over.

I lose control.

The light begins to fade,

It's the end of my day.

I tried so damn hard,

To escape the dark.

That grows inside me.

It held on tightly.

I'd have given everything,

To be in the light again.

Now it burns me,

I fear I am lost.

I can't see anything but black.

Emotions have gone numb.

The only thing keeping me here,

Is the constant burn of pain.

I heard you scream my name,

When I looked up,

You saw the Dark inside me.

I was already gone.

I tried to scream back,

All that came out,

Was an evil laugh,

The dull ache.

I fear I've sold it all,

To my last lone needle.

The burn it brings,

To the plant of Haze,

The never ending maze.

-Stacey B. 1/27/15

The Caring Dark:

Sitting here, I start to realize. All the lies, lead exactly to my fear. I should have known, that my waves would mean nothing to you. It just wasn't true. I knew from the start, that there was a small chance, that you wouldn't fall too. A smaller one you would. Still, I hoped and prayed. I see now that it was dumb. I guess I just wanted someone I could finally call mine. This empty feeling of being so damn lonely. A feeling I thought maybe you would cure. As I wait longer, I see my mistake. I believe in you, even though I shouldn't. You've left me to fall, won't be there to catch me at all. I'll hit reality. Once again, feel myself die a little. Going numb is what I ask for. I no longer wish to care. Let me fade, I have lost the way. The Darkness reaches out, to hold me like it cares. I freely go to the open arms, embrace my end. The Dark is always there when the world isn't fair. It's the only one that cares. The pain it shares.

-Stacey B. 1/25/15