Raw Bitter Lime Juice

What if the depths of the ocean I drown in have gotten deeper?

Toiling

Coiling

Withering soul of mine

PTSD

Things that have been done to me

Memories and worst of all a word, that one word stuck on repeat

Like it's some sick beat

It's stuck in my head

Haunts me most when I lie in bed

Torments me most when I look in the mirror

Makes my spine shiver

Secret tears

Roaring fears

Rare moments of feeling alive

More moments of dying inside

Shattered dreams

Silent screams

I may look fine but it's all lies

I'm crumbling before your very eyes

I told my therapist my glass is empty

She told me to fill it but there's a drought within my soul

Oh, did I mention the glass has a hole?

I wish I could write about yesterday or the day before but I can't find a rhyme

These days the only thing that gets poured in my glass is the juice of a bitter lime

Is it trauma or does my brain malfunction?

My only escape is secret self-destruction

My heart quite literally aches

My tears can't find the breaks

I have no words to describe the hurt

As I cry face down in the dirt

I'm crying for help but no one can hear

I look around but there's no one here

Hey mom and dad, your worthless child could really use a hug

But instead, they gave me a drug

Some happy pill

that's supposed to get me uphill

These feelings are raw, bitter, lime juice, a deadly potion

Help, I'm quite literally drowning in the deepest part of the ocean

(Go ahead, look at my smile as I stand with my feet on the ground and remind me that I'm not.)