Stay

'How are you?'

I ask myself.

'Fine,' I say, then we both laugh because we know it's not true.

What I mean is I'm not fine.

I'm not okay.

But for some reason, writing that makes me smile.

Like life's a big comedy

And somehow my pain is funny.

Is that a coping mechanism?

Because I'm not happy

But I still smile when the sun shines on me.

And I kind of wanna die

But I still love chocolate.

I hate existing

But I'll never get enough of my music.

And my friends make me laugh

And strangers make me smile

And rain is so beautiful.

Maybe I'll stay for one more storm.