Stream of Consciousness

I lay on the couch feeling a bit drained from the endless mediocrity of the day.

My mind sending to my nose an aromatic sensory in a soft rolling wave as it twirls and circles through the air.

It's as if I can taste the garlic, parmesan, and basil that still lingers in the atmosphere.

My stomach starts to growl as my brain repeats but louder feed me I'm hungry I have not yet eaten a big meal today.

My soul still longing for that feeling of freedom from sitting out in the backyard soaking in the warm rays of the hot sizzling sun.

My ears perk up a bit as I hear the caw caw of the black bird outside my kitchen window a sign of bad things to come an eerie feeling.

As the electric noises coming from the oven crackle as though it's just one more thing about to break down.

My head is immediately filled with anguish as I stress once more over not having enough money to pay our family's bills.

My youngest comes out of his room and enters into the kitchen just as the food is pulled from the oven.

Just as quick as he emerges to grab a plate he whisks away his meal and disappears back into the night.

A feeling of slight sadness enters my heart and my soul is pulled down a little bit more into the smog of darkness.

I grab my plate and flee into the living room, I turn on the TV as once again I'm greeted by my only friends.

A flicker of calm settles in as I'm comforted by the feel of fluffy garlic bread on my tongue. The softness as I chew.

The flavors remind me of a home I once knew. My thoughts bounce and coil around my brain as I yearn for a nice white cream sauce. 

I think to myself we've come a long way from those days of chicken nuggets, frozen pizza, and over cooked mac n cheese.

I ask myself why I can't become anyone I want to be... a chef, a fashion designer, an entrepreneur. I have lots of random information flooding through my neuron receptors.

Half-assed skills, but no more direction. My drive, my passion, my purpose, my why has all been but forgotten.

I lay back down on the couch, my thoughts and feelings so shaky, nothing in my life feeling rock solid.

I ask myself what now!