The Night Before Hissmas
An Abigail Christmas tale
‘Twas the night before Hissmas, and all through the house,
Not a creature was stirring because I ate the mouse.
The stockings I shredded existed no more,
The milk left for Santa, I spilled on the floor.
My presents I massacred there in their beds,
I kicked out their stuffing and chewed off their heads.
“Twas then I decided I needed a nap,
So, I jumped on mom’s bed and laid in her lap.
With her in her jammies, and me in my fur,
She petted my ears, and I started to purr.
I left in a short time because I got bored,
And fed up with mom and she laid there and snored.
*
Then out in the front room arose such a ruckus,
Mom jumped out of bed and screamed “what the fuckus?”
She threw on her slippers and rushed down the hall.
When I ran ‘tween her feet, on her butt she did fall.
She looked round and saw the Christmas tree on the floor,
And I won’t repeat all the words that she swore.
She sprung to her feet, with a scowl on her face,
My clue that I’d best hurry out of this place.
Her eyes they were glaring, her teeth she did grit,
I knew, any second she might throw a fit.
She whistled and shouted and called me by name,
Then added more swear words, said I was to blame.
*
“Oh no, my dear mommy. Please do not blame me.
I swear I am as innocent as a kitty can be.
It’s true that I touched one shiny red ball,
At the top of the tree, up high on the wall.
‘Twas just one wee toy from the tree that I stole,
Then the bushy green monster near swallowed me whole.
I dashed away, dashed away, dashed away, dashed,
And barely escaped by the fur of my ass.”
When mom picked me up and gave me a cuddle,
I knew there’s no worry, I wasn’t in trouble.
Then she laid me back down on the pads of my feet,
And I yelled “Happy Hissmas, now give me a treat.”
About the Creator
Cathy holmes
Canadian family girl with a recently discovered love for writing. Other loves include animals and sports.
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Comments (36)
You have a deep way with words! Nice job
"what the fuckus" got me 😂
Hilarious… it’s after dinner on Christmas Eve & I just read this aloud… two cat-loving members of my family laughed aloud! Thanks Abigail. Happy Christmas to you & your rascally Mum! 🎄🙃
Very nice
I admire🥰 your profile and I've just followed you ✨ Looking forward to connecting more with you💐
Fantastic! I did a bastardisation of the night before christmas a couple of years ago, very different, and very similar, but not as good.
Looks like this hissed it's way to the Leaderboard, lol. Congratulations! 🎉💖🎊🎉💖🎊
Yay Abigail, I mean, Cathy!!! Congrats on second place for most discussed story!! 🎉
Back to say Congratulations Abigail
I may recite this to my family!
Perfection!! This was hilarious, creative and just fucking fun!! Well done, Queen!!!
Haha! This is so funny! “‘Twas just one wee toy from the tree that I stole, Then the bushy green monster near swallowed me whole” really got me
Oh man, I loved the first two lines and it just got better from there. Amazing storytelling!
Oh, I love me a good Abigail tale...this was Chirstmasy delightful, my friend :)
Ah that cat 😅! Good job Cathy.
Aww! This tale is purr-fection! Abigail’s mischievous charm shines brighter than the toppled Christmas tree lights. From the sly innocence to the poetic chaos, it’s a holiday classic in the making. Bravo for capturing the hiss-terical side of Hissmas!😍
What the fuckus, indeed! Your Abigail tails are a pleasure to read! (Abitails? Abitales? Just throwing that out there!)
Hahahahaha, this is so funny! Princess Abigail knows how to cause a Christmas eve chaos!
Hahahahahahahahaha way to go, Princess Abigail! Merry Hissmas to you! Hehehehhee
Loved your take on the classic
Hahaha. Oh god I knew I was going to love this the second I saw the title! Abigail deserves her own account! So many stand out lines. I bloody loved this.
Hahahaha I loved this! 😂😂😂😂 Incredibly done, Cathy! 💓
😹😹😹😹 what the fuckus? My new term, thanks so much. LOVED this poem - so clever and just like a cat. Hilarious.
That was great fun and a great feline play on words
I loved this and I love the title too. Happy Hissmas!