Ally

It was 1995, I was in high school in a very small town where everyone knew everyone else. This also meant rumors or events spread like wildfire because there was little else to do in that town. I had a friend that I didn't hang out with outside of school, but we talked at school or if we saw each other aroud town. He worked at a local fast food restuarant where my family and I would see him sometimes and we would all talk for a bit. No one paid any mind to the pink upside down triangle necklace he wore. It was the 90's and it was one of those little enamel pendants that hung just longer than a choker necklace on a black "string". Any of my 90's folks reading this know the ones I'm talking about. I'm not sure why that necklace stands out to me still, but it does.

One day he wasn't at school and there was all this buzz about him. He would sometimes go to a town that's about half an hour away to work at one of the other locations of the restaurant to cover when they were short staffed and someone had seen him there, but not because he was working. Apparently he was caught outside of that restaurant making out with one of the guys that worked at that location. It was out there now that he was gay. There was no way for anyone to say "it was just a rumor" because of speculation, he had been seen by people. In 1995 it was not widely accepted to be gay and even less accepted in a small town in the Bible Belt. I heard people say things about him as I walked through the halls. I couldn't understand how people were acting this way about someone they were friendly with just days ago. I didn't care that he was gay and felt why should anyone else care?

I was speaking about my concerns with my mom about how people were talking about him and she was quiet for a moment. She was a big church goer, we went to a small Episcopal church and I wasn't sure what she thought of people who were gay. She was making something in a bowl, I think it was pizza dough, but I can't fully remember. She didn't look up and just said: "You know, I have given this a lot of thought. I don't believe it's something they choose. I think it is something they are born as because why would someone choose to be something people hated? Why would they choose to subject themselves to that kind of hatred?" that stuck with me and I had always felt it was something you either are or you aren't and it helped me tremendously to hear my mother say that. What she said made perfect sense.

My friend didn't come back to school for quite some time following the discovery. I'm sure he was hoping for people to move on to the next "big story" and kind of forget. Unfortunately, in a small town and a small school people don't have that short of a memory. I was coming down the hall one day and realized everyone was buzzing about something. As I reached the landing where people come up from the stairs to go down the adjacent hall I saw him. He was walking looking forward and looked mad and hurt. People were calling him names and I realized I had to do something. I wanted to yell at everyone to stop and how terrible they were and to leave him alone. I knew that wouldn't do a thing to help the situation. So instead I hurried to his side, he put his hand out and I took his hand and walked with him to his class. We didn't say anything, we just walked hand in hand looking forward as people continued with their nasty comments and name calling. I knew I couldn't make people stop, but I could let him know he had at least one person that didn't care about his sexuality that still just saw him the same as they did before. He never came back to school after that day. I have never seen him or spoken to him again because I have no idea where his parents moved to. I do hope that my actions that day helped him in some way.

Sometimes being an ally is doing big gestures and doing protests and parades, but sometimes it's a simple gesture to let someone know they are loved and supported. It also means sometimes doing the unpopular thing. It would have been easy for me to have just held my head down and not done or said anything due to fear of what people would say about me, but at the end of the day I had to do what I felt was right and I had to live with the action or lack of action I chose that day. Sometimes doing what's right isn't the easiest choice, but it is definitely the right choice. I am glad I chose to do what felt right that day instead of what's easy.