Addicts Hurt Themselves and Others 7

Story 38

My father was an abusive raging alcoholic. I had an older sister and we were treated very differently. She was the golden child and I was the punching bag. My sister slept with my husband three days after we got married. He left me for her. My dad forgave her and spent holidays with them and wouldn’t call me. I built a massive viral business that was doing $30K a month and it wasn’t enough for him to pleased with me. After 12 years alone raising my kids I thought I found the love of my life but turned out to be a narcissist who was just like my father and tore me down mentally, financially and left with me nothing. When I told my dad he asked me if my $300 bang (we met on a cruise) was worth my $180K income and didn’t talk to me for many months.

I finally decided to cut him off and spent the last 1.5 years of his life not talking. He got throat cancer 4 years ago from smoking his whole life.

He’d been on hospice the last 12 days. My sister said he wanted to see me, got me emotional only to find out he didn’t.

My last coherent conversation With my father he told me he wanted to my see kids but had no time or energy for difficult people. It’s like he couldn’t even say my name.

We drove 12 hours to see him Monday and got in at 10:30pm. He had been holding on for the kids and passed at 3:30am. My sister lied to me as usual and wanted to start crap so I just decided to pack up and come home after they picked up his body.

I will never understand why I was sexually and physically abused and she was just emotionally abused. I’ve been in intense therapy and on meds and I don’t know if I’ll ever feel safe or ever feel like enough. I struggle from a sex addiction and being objectified. I want to vomit anytime a man calls me pretty or beautiful. I’ve struggled with suicidal thoughts so intense I could not function. I am in such a better place now but this trip made me realize how much abuse and how much dysfunction I actually went through.

I grieved him for many years because he was alive and absent. I am choosing freedom through his death. It may take my whole life but I will feel like enough again and no man will ever take that from me.

Thanks for coming to my Trauma Ted Talk. Feels good to let it out.

Story 39

My 35 year old son is in icu and has been for 4 weeks today. He is in liver and kidney failure from alcohol. My heart breaks every time I see him. He has had a numerous operations for burst varices, an aneurysm in his wrist...... None of the doctors thought he would live past his first day in emergency but he has. His father and I go in every single day to see him . He’s being so nasty though, I understand he is in pain but it just isn’t him. I cry for the son I’ve lost to alcohol but I also cry for the person he’s become. Today he was refusing pain medication, food, dialysis lactulose. I can’t get through to him that he needs all these things to somehow improve his condition. It’s tearing me apart.

Story 40

Update: the hospital is keeping her overnight to make sure her kidneys are ok. Also, social services are getting involved. They are aware that she was literally supposed to go to rehab today. So now I have a question, what happens when social services get involved? This hasn’t happened to us before. I don’t know what it means or what to expect.

I posted yesterday about my mom going back to rehab today, and how I am so sick of having her in my house and how I just want my house back. Well the moment finally came that she left. But that doesn’t stop something bad from happening. Her and my husband left for the airport, and while they were on their way, she said she needed to go to the ER. So he took her there and she admitted that she drank RUBBING ALCOHOL. I’m so upset. I just want her gone. The negativity she emanates is so draining on my soul. I have been dealing with it for so long. I just want my home to be a happy place and she just throws off our whole dynamic. I thought I was going to be free for at least a while. There was a light at the end of the tunnel and now it’s gone. I hate being right. My gut always tells me that something is going to happen. I’m just so so sick of her. This is so hard.

Story 41

Update: the hospital is keeping her overnight to make sure her kidneys are ok. Also, social services are getting involved. They are aware that she was literally supposed to go to rehab today. So now I have a question, what happens when social services get involved? This hasn’t happened to us before. I don’t know what it means or what to expect.

Story 42

At what point do say enough is enough. My alcoholic partner has been sober for 6mths. ( was very proud of her but she only stopped because I was kicking her out) has been away since Christmas and been drinking again. It’s her birthday today and she won’t be home for another week because she has booked a hotel in the city and now has just told me she going out with friends, she lied again saying she was spending it with family. Lies lies lies lies...... I would have left her long ago but there’s a good chance she will take my daughter since she isn’t biologicaly mine ( I did cut the umbilical chord, I was there for her birth and I love her more then life itself ) do I continue pretending to be happy or do I let her go.

Story 43

Yesterday I made one of the BIGGEST decisions in my life and left my verbally and almost physically abusive Alcholic Husband!

After almost 37 years of marriage and many of those years dealing with his aggressive behavior, I left. The way I left he didn’t see it coming. I carefully planned my escape because I knew I wouldn’t be able to deal with the drama of letting him know I was leaving.

So far he hasn’t contacted me because I don’t think he realizes I left for good. But when he realizes that I’m NOT going back to him, things may get crazy. I pray he accepts that it’s over. I just don’t have the strength to continue dealing with his bad and disrespectful behavior ans blaming all of the wrongs that happened in our marriage on ME, then later calling that love.

Anyway, today started a new chapter of my life where I can finally BREATH! It’s a GREAT and long overdue feeling. My departure probably also saved my life. It’s something I should have done years ago, but circumstances didn’t allow me to do so, or he’d apologize, I’d forgive him and the cycle continued. I knew that if this continued, I was in great danger, especially a danger that his alcohol addiction wouldn’t even allow him to remember the next day.

So, I’m safe, and I’m gone, but not outta the woods until he accepts the TRUTH that our time as husband and wife are up! I just pray the road ahead in dealing with his acceptance goes well so that both of us can move on without each other.

Story 44

I been contemplating on why I hold on to him, now even that he left and choose addictions over our family, I wonder why I can fully understand it's the addiction and not me yet still feel so hurt and take it personally. It's like my brain knows better, but i still take it as a rejection of me. Is it a pattern from my own feelings of being unloved as a child and pushed to be a helper at the age of 12.... Is it that i learned to be addicted to being wanted or loved ? And if so, is this my addiction that i have to let go of.... Does this sound some sort of accurate? I just don't know and feel desperate for a answer.