How to Manage Anxiety in a Relationship?

Anxiety is a different experience for everyone, and people react to it in various ways. Some people experience a racing heart during conversations. Others worry almost constantly that their partner will leave them. Many people who suffer from anxiety have trouble sleeping when they experience difficulties in their relationships due to being overly worried.

How Anxiety Affects Daily Relationship Life?

Anxiety is such a disorder that it dictates the type of conversation or communication you and your partner have every day. Anxiety can often manifest itself in forms of potential clinginess, too. This typically involves a constant need for reassurance.

The anxious partner may ask, “Do you love me?” over and over again, or may need constant assurances that the relationship is OK. This can be a self-reinforcing cycle. The anxious partner gets reassurance, but still feels insecure and so demands more.

Some common signs that anxiety is affecting your relationship are:

1. Constantly checking a partner’s emails, texts, or social-media activity.
2. An unbearable feeling of unease when the partner hangs out with friends or does something independent.
3. Physically experiencing headaches, stomachaches, or a heart pounding when the relationship seems to be in danger.
4. Avoiding important conversations out of fear of conflict.

From the point of view of the partner without anxiety, all of this can be confusing, frustrating, and sometimes helpless. They may try to reassure you, but in the end, it may seem like nothing is working. As this cycle repeats, patience and intimacy may diminish.

Let's suppose, for example, Sarah became very anxious every time her boyfriend, Mike, went out with friends at night. Therefore, she would call him multiple times during the evening. Mike didn't understand that Sarah had anxiety issues and believed it was a lack of trust in him, and therefore felt suffocated. Although neither of them intended to hurt the other's feelings, both were left feeling hurt.

Addressing the Root Causes

Understanding where the anxiety stems from can greatly help couples cope with it. Often, the fear of commitment comes from past negative experiences that people have gone through. For example, someone who has been cheated on may find it difficult to learn to trust again.

Common causes of anxiety in relationships include:

• Past breakups or infidelity
• Unstable relationships stemming from childhood experiences
• Low self-esteem or feeling unworthy of love
• Work and family problems

Both partners can assist themselves in tackling problems with the aid of their open and honest communications and proper professional help.

With professional help, they will learn each other's anxiety triggers, which allows them to become allies and not be annoying at times. The approach helps to make the relationship switch from being based on fear to a secure and trusting one.

Remember that asking for help is not a sign of weakness, but a sign of strength.

Building Stronger Relationships While Managing Anxiety

The success of any relationship depends on both partners' efforts to manage anxiety. The positive aspect is that if one person manages their anxiety, it can be the spark that ignites the relationship, allowing both partners to live a stronger, healthier, and happier life together. Some steps you can take:

Supporting Each Other Through Daily Challenges

The type of support a couple provides can vary depending on the individuals involved. Some people occasionally need someone to hold or comfort them. Others prefer to be alone to employ their coping skills.

Learning these techniques takes time and patience. Some effective support strategies include:

• Creating a peaceful environment when things are difficult
• Mastering breathing exercises that you can use together
• Setting aside time to talk to your partner about your feelings
• Celebrating small victories, building things up gradually

Customized Treatment Plan:

Professional help is a key strategy to effectively treat relationship anxiety. A mental health professional who specializes in anxiety treatment can offer techniques that cater to each couple's specific needs and work best for them. Treatment approaches include:

Cognitive behavioral therapy: Teaches the patient how to challenge negative thoughts (e.g., “If I don’t check in with my partner all day, they will leave me”) and replace them with more adaptive ones.

Couples therapy: Empowers the patient and partner to communicate more effectively, handle conflict in a healthier way, and cultivate a mutually respectful view of the relationship.

Individual therapy: Helps the patient address issues related to past trauma, insecure attachment style, low self-esteem, and other problems that contribute to their relationship anxiety.

Medication: In severe cases, a board-certified psychiatrist may prescribe anti-anxiety or antidepressant medications to alleviate some of the physical symptoms of relationship anxiety, which can help the patient engage in the therapies.

Many couples feel effective relief after attending several therapy sessions as they begin to employ new emotional regulation tools. They learn to recognize early warning signs and thus prevent the negative impact of anxiety on their communication, rather than acting out of a deep fear of losing everything.

Besides, healing is not a linear process. Some days are easier than others. Both parties should understand that improvement takes time. However, even small victories can help maintain momentum.