Learn to Be Alone...

We often find that people are told to stop making 'X, Y and Z' their personality. Well, this only arose in the social media age as especially women's interests: reading, dramas, art etc. was heavily criticised as being 'useless'. It is historically well-documented that though many men require the work of women, whether it be through unpaid labour or entertainment, they also refuse to acknowledge it is important. This is why since it has been something of recognition, they have been complaining of a 'loneliness epidemic' now that women are withholding access.

On the other side, we see women are thriving now that men are no longer central to anything. Over the course of the last fifty years, men have been decentralised and with each step, they throw their toys out of the pram. Now that they are completely decentralised, we see women dealing with being alone very well and men, not so much. Why? Well, women do the majority of the socialisation in the lives of men as well - this is true. But it is also because historically, women have often practiced activities where they are to be alone and have enjoyed them. Unsurprisingly, these are the same activities men have labelled 'useless'.

For a few centuries now, reading has been a woman's domain with sales of books recently booming for every demographic of women. Reading is not something you can do with other people. Yes, you can have a book club where, after reading you consolidate your opinions with a few close friends. But you cannot read with people unless you were reading out loud in a boring classroom-esque setting. To be alone whilst reading offers peace of mind, which is why women would seek it as a refuge away from the chaotic and needy men in their lives.

I'm not implying that all men are this way, but women who seek peace are more likely to do things alone than they are with a man that they must, for some reason, share time with. This can be anyone from a brother to a husband. This is also why sewing tends to be a woman's activity. Peaceful, calming and most of all - something historically men have not been able to participate in - being alone for a woman has often run simultaneously with her sense of small freedoms.

So it's really no wonder as to why reading is a woman's activity. I'm not saying it is only women who read (before the men reading this get into the 'whataboutism' they are well documented for doing). I'm saying that more women read because more women have historically required the calm and peace of a setting in which men do not have access to them. In the modern day, women are reading more works by women authors - socialising without meeting each other and connecting universal experiences of subjugation through the written word. This is something that men simply do not do. So, what is the solution?

Here it is: learn to be alone. Alone and lonely are two very different things and to be alone, to be at peace, to focus on activities that perhaps you view as 'silly' because they are a woman's domain could not only solve your loneliness crisis but could also help you to understand women more. Women are often more wanting for being alone - we often love our 'me time' (again, another phrase used predominately by women). Take away your faux-masculinity propped up by chronic social media usage in which many of the men you're reading about have the exact same loneliness crisis you do. Stop blaming the women you no longer have access to for your crisis and start doing something, a craft or some reading, learn a new skill or even bake a cake - learn to be able to do something alone. The world is not going to give you a relationship or friends if you have no activities you engage with by yourself.

But more than this, I find an increasing amount of men seem to misunderstand that being alone is one of the greatest things about being a woman. Our own time is something we covet and ultimately, it is part of who we are. Hobbies are more performed by women. Instagram and other social medias are spurred on by women communicating with women about things we do. My message to the chronically online men is this: perhaps decentralising your strange and inhumane want to own another person and learning more about yourself instead could solve your loneliness. It is the best foot forwards - but until you commit to that, there is no sympathy for you out in the world of women.