The Buddy System for Health?

I used to be motivated to keep my body healthy and avoid gluttonous eating behavior for vanity's sake and for ambition's sake. Sadly, both my vanity and ambition have been crucified, so I have no reason to care about losing weight except for comfort levels. I can still walk to my car and get out of my chair and wipe myself in the bathroom, so who cares if the doctor calls me "obese" or some health nut calls me "frumpy".

I don't have a partner or best friend to go to the gym with. I don't have any motivation to go alone. I used to move around doing gardening or going on long hikes, but the hellish heat of Florida and the monstrous mosquitos have put an end to that. Not only did I get fat, but I looked like a mass of blood from all the mosquito bites. The other day I got stung by a bee.

I remember winter time up north right before a snowfall or right after the snow had covered the streets. It was glorious. The air was so clean and crisp - I could breath better than ever. It was better than a turbo shot coffee. I was invigorated! I could walk for miles even in cheap sneakers. I really felt alive! I just can't get that at the air conditioned gym. It's not fresh enough or cold enough. It's stale and the other members are very judgemental. I only go there to do some quick stretches and take a few laps in the pool. The gym can't help me if I want to lose weight.

Another way that I used to lose weight or keep my weight down besides exercise, was diet. I would count calories or stay away from fatty foods. That doesn't work anymore either. After menopause, my metabolism seems to have changed, making it more difficult for me to control my weight. Since I also bruise or bleed easier, engaging in strenuous activity is not tempting most of the time.

I suppose I've known women who had reached this age who turned to drugs for help. Some used hormonal medications, some used some other prescription provided by their doctors, and some chose stimulants stronger than coffee or nicotine. It's like when you have asthma, there is a bit of steroid power in the breathe pump to activate your lung function quickly.

I don't know what I can do to help myself. This is all new to me and I'm struggling with worries. It's not for vanity or ambition, but I still want to be independent. Like my mother, I do not want to be a burden.

I know they sell diet pills at various pharmacies and vitamin stores, but I'm not sure if I believe that those help. I also don't want the stigma or misconception that I'm trying to lose weight because society's expectations or perceptions are pressuring me to do so. I hate peer pressure. I do what I do for my own reasons.

Maybe if I was really loved, by some obsessive romantic who always told me that I was beautiful and always mentioned that my body was pleasing to look at or to touch, I wouldn't worry about it. Sometimes validation and love is all that is needed for contentment and self-acceptance. Or even if I had a friend who was in the same boat and wanted to work on it with me. Sometimes a cheerleader for a cheerleader is necessary to achieve a difficult goal.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that if I'm "obese" per medical terminology (meaning that my BMI is higher than it should be for health purposes) then self-love and self-respect would agree that I should work on that. Yet without an external love coming from someone who would appreciate the effort required, what's the point?