Trauma, Trauma, trauma...

Our world is in crisis, and trauma is a word we constantly hear around us. It's on the news every day in some form. 

Go online or turn on your TV, and there will be a distressing event reported almost immediately from somewhere in the world.

Do we think about any of it? 

Probably not because if we did, we would cry all the time and not be able to leave our homes.

The word Trauma is everywhere, and our world is hurting, but how many people know what trauma truly means?

I've heard people talk about trauma as if it's a bruise or a cut that requires a band aid. It makes me mad and quite frankly - disappointed.

The word is being misused by the masses, and it's lost its true meaning somewhere along the way. People have been desensitized by the word trauma because it has been overused for situations that shouldn't be labeled by the word at all.

The word trauma is not good, and should not be belittled and over used for every situation. 

The word Trauma means - Any disturbing experience that results in significant fear, helplessness, dissociation, confusion, or other disruptive feelings intense enough to have a long-lasting negative effect on a person's attitudes, behavior, and other aspects of functioning.

Traumatic events include those caused by human behavior (e.g., rape, war, industrial accidents) as well as by nature (e.g., earthquakes) and often challenge an individual's view of the world as a just, safe, and predictable place. any serious physical injury, such as a widespread burn or a blow to the head.

Adapted from the APA Dictionary of Psychology Source: https://www.apa.org/topics/trauma

Notice the difference? Trauma is the feeling after a traumatic event has happened to you. It's your body's response.

How many news anchors report that? I can tell you - NONE. How can they possibly know how someone feels after a horrific event?

Trauma comes in many different forms and I think most people have been subjected to some kind of traumatic event during the course of their lives. 

There is obvious physical trauma that refers to a person suffering a sudden injury caused by an accident like a car crash, or any other situation that causes a sudden physical reaction to the body.

Physical trauma heals quickly over time. Bones can be re-set in the operating theater and injuries heal. 

Psychological or emotional trauma is a different kind of trauma where a person has been in a highly stressful situation which causes a reaction to them. 

Here the trauma wound is invisible but many of us carry them and they cause chaos in our lives.

Living with trauma is hard.

Trauma can come from witnessing a horrific event or experience where the individual was subjected to harm in some way: for example being frightened, under threat or abused, ridiculed, harassed or even rejected without any power to stop it.

Have you ever been so frightened that you became frozen and unable to speak? That reaction is a trauma response. 

Have you ever been in a situation where you were sure you would die? That reaction is a trauma response.

Trauma can be caused by witnessing someone being harmed and be powerless to stop it. 

It stays with you in our minds long after the event. Torturing you…. 

Could you have stopped it? That agonizing what if… can haunt you for decades but the "what if" is not an exact science. The event has happened. It's gone, and whatever you do, say, or think about it, will not change the outcome.

Have you ever witnessed a murder or someone being tortured and unable to stop it? Your reaction is a trauma response.

Trauma is not something to talk about lightly. Trauma hurts people and I can guarantee it's happening in your street and in your city. 

We don't see trauma because these reactions are happening to people inside their bodies. Trauma is invisible.

Trauma can be caused by living for a long time in a traumatic environment like being a prisoner of war, or living in an abusive home. Imagine how you feel after that? That reaction is trauma.

Do you know someone who has suffered from child abuse? Maybe you are a survivor yourself? Do you know how it feels when you lie in bed at night and hear those heavy foot steps come to your door? 

That tense feeling, the hyperventilating, the pain of being restrained, the stifled screams, the pain… The feeling of wanting to die - that is trauma. I know because I've felt it many times.

Have you ever been raped? Your reaction is trauma. It is not something a band aid is going to heal in two days.

Have you ever been shot? Your reaction afterwards is trauma. You remember where you were shot forever afterwards because of the scar. 

There is also racial trauma where an individual is subjected to racism for whatever reason, which causes a person mental or physical harm.

In all this negativity that surrounds us, we must focus on the good that is happening in our lives, otherwise we will feel overwhelmed by trauma reactions to our minds, bodies and hearts. 

I'm a survivor of child abuse and witnessing horrific trauma. I suffered from most of the different types of trauma I describe in this article, before I reached puberty. 

I wrote my experiences in my childhood memoir: The Sex-Offender's Daughter and in a follow up book called "Living with Complex PTSD."

My childhood was anything but a childhood and yet somehow, I am still alive. I survived where most people would not and even though my childhood is still haunting me at times, I'm doing okay now. 

It is completely okay to be hurting sometimes, when you have suffered child abuse or a prolonged horrific event like being in a war zone or any of the events I discuss above. It's okay to feel trauma from anything that has happened to you.

There are billions of survivors out there living with trauma every single day. People who are in pain. People who are suffering from horrific traumatic flashbacks caused by triggers. 

Trauma is not fun. It hurts people - every single day.

I was triggered today from a passing comment by someone who I trusted and considered to be a friend. How mistaken I was. 

I'm hurting and this person has no idea that the words that were said could have that deep triggering effect in me. I felt like she had slashed me open with a deep wound across my heart. Her words cut me deep.

Self care and Professional help

It's important if you are a survivor like me, and hurting that you try and take care of yourself and also seek professional help. 

A counselor, therapist or psychiatrist can help and guide you through your trauma reactions. 

One note of caution…. Before you decide on a therapist, make sure they are the right fit for you and your situation. Test them first and make sure you check them out. 

Are they solid? Can you talk to them? Are they qualified to help you? What's their experience with similar situations?

Don't be afraid to ask these questions.

Trauma from child abuse or horrific situations are deeply distressing to talk about. When you do, you need to feel that the person you choose to reveal your trauma to, will comfort you and make you feel better.

There are times when I have been in the "not okay" phase due to being triggered by trauma memories. My therapist works with me through the triggers, which caused the way I am feeling.

One of the first things she says to me is that all feelings are okay. All survivors react differently to traumatic events.

You can help yourself to feel better during a bad day when you listen to your body. Self care is important and often the first thing you forget during a trigger.

Have you drunk water today? When was the last time you ate?

Have you taken a pain killer for that head ache? Did you sleep last night?

When was the last time you listened to your body?

Sometimes, the a reaction to a traumatic memory is long lasting and survivors stay traumatized for days and weeks after. 

The hurt is just too deep to simply go away by itself. 

This is when you need professional help to work through that pain and find a way to move back to your equilibrium.

The problem with being in survival mode due to trauma becomes more so with everything that is happening around us. Avoid listening to the news and stay awa from people who will make you feel worse.

Once triggered and feeling traumatized, a second and third trigger will make it so much more difficult to recover. I can only describe this pain as being decked and you try to get up, but half way there, you're decked again - and again…. 

Trauma survivors can live like this every day. 

I used to be one of them, but I got help. 

Trauma hurts. 

It hurts real bad and the pain follows you. 

Imagine that. A pain that follows you everywhere you go and you cannot shake it off. That is trauma.

That pain causes the tears to come eventually. It happens to all of us. Some more than others. 

That pain from trauma has to come out. 

So let it do just that. Let those tears come out and release the flood gates. That big "stone" called grief; you keep trying to swallow in your throat will not go away without those complex emotions being released. 

If those tears won't come easily as is often the case, then go do something real physical like boxing, running or circuits - something that will get that heart pumping until you can do no more.

That is sure to get those tears going as the adrenaline stops flowing with your body relaxing after you stop. It works for me every time. 

There is a song by the band: R.E.M, called "Everybody Hurts". Music is very personal and can bring up lots of mixed feelings. For me this particular song is an extremely sad song, but I also think it is full of hope. 

It tells the listener to "hold on" and that is a message I want to say to all trauma survivors. 

No matter how much you are hurting right now, there is hope and you are not alone. Just like the song dictates "you are not alone". The song repeats this line over and over. 

When I am triggered and feeling weak, my brain keeps telling me that I am alone. That is far from the truth and I am sure if you are reading this, that is the case for you as well. 

I have good memories and happiness to draw on when I am triggered. I am sure you have too.

My advice is this: No matter how much you are hurting right now, life will get better. Like the song by R.E.M, I want you to hold on because you are not alone. 

You are strong to have come as far as you have. You are a survivor. Hang in there, hold on and find someone who you can talk to. Life is for living and being happy. 

As survivors we need to hold our head up high and recognize that we are good enough just the way we are. We are strong enough to carry on and life does get better as we heal. 

There is a new sunrise, every day and with that morning glow comes endless possibilities for a happy day. 

It starts with you thinking and focusing on what to make of your life. Grab that opportunity with both hands and go out there.

You've got this.

My name is Lizzy. I'm a trauma survivor, a wife, a mom, a teacher, and an author.

If you like reading my posts, then please follow me.

For more about me: www.elizabethwoodsauthor.com

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