Everyday Junglist
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About me. You know how everyone says to be a successful writer you should focus in one or two areas. I continue to prove them correct.
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At The Very End
He stood in silence as the glow in the sky became brighter and brighter. Eventually he knew it would become as bright as the sun, and then, shortly thereafter, his world would end. Snow and ice blew around him in all directions. The way the light glinted off it gave the appearance that he stood amidst a swirling maelstrom of tiny diamonds. He thought it very beautiful and for a moment his spirits lifted, but then grim reality struck as he realized it would soon be gone. The snow, the ice, his friends, his family, his world, obliterated by the massive solar flare ray moving at the speed of light directly toward him and everything he knew. There was nothing to be done about it now, so he pulled his parka hood up over his cold ears, bowed his head down low as a shield against the blowing snow and freezing winds, and began to walk. Slowly, one step at a time, watching the snow collapse below each boot and seeing the deep impressions he left behind. It was already beginning to melt. Each footprint slowly began to fill with water, the frozen tundra upon which he walked was becoming a lake, and he would soon drown, or freeze, or perhaps boil to death depending on how quickly events transpired after the flare hit the outer atmosphere. The snow had turned to rain. The last thing he felt was a tear fall from his eye, or was it a raindrop.
By Everyday Junglist2 years ago in Fiction
On This Day I Swear It, In 2024 I Shall Publish The Great American Pirate Themed Novel
I know that many will mock me when they read my vow today that someday I will be spoken of in the same breathe with the great American authors of pirate literature. Of all the literary sub genres the pirate novel is arguably one of the most prestigious and acclaimed. Completion and publication of a pirate focused or even pirate themed novel has been said by many to represent the greatest of literary challenges for any writer, let alone a prickly newcomer like myself. To them I say you don’t know me. You have no idea the skills I possess, the depth of knowledge of pirate culture I have obtained, the encyclopedic bank of pirate phrases, the raw talent, and frankly the ambition I bring to bear. So hear me now, and believe me later, today I vow it, tomorrow or someday later, but definitely in this year of 2024 I plan to write and publish the greatest pirate themed novel of all time. You read that correctly, the greatest (dramatic pause), pirate themed (dramatic pause), novel (dramatic pause), of all time. Put that in your pipe and smoke it.
By Everyday Junglist2 years ago in Writers
Genius Grant Winner is No Einstein When it Comes to Life
Genius mathematician Ramash Rapandradan winner of the prestigious Fields Medal and most recent MacArthur Fellow “Genius Grant” awardee struggles to complete a wide variety of activities most humans consider basic to everyday life. He has made important contributions to the study of hyperbolic geometry (also called Bolyai–Lobachevskian geometry or Lobachevskian geometry), a non-Euclidean plane geometry which considers the geometry of surfaces with a constant negative Gaussian curvature. In contrast to his proficiency with the highly abstract mathematical geometry he is less capable of functioning with actual geometry especially directions, which he does not know how to follow, and often becomes lost while walking or driving short distances from his apartment in Cambridge. Ramash is also said to be a leading mind in knot theory, the study of mathematical knots. These knots are similar to those from daily life such as ropes and shoelaces, but the ends are joined together so that they cannot be undone. In precise mathematical language, a knot is an embedding of a circle in 3-dimensional Euclidean space, R3. Two mathematical knots are equivalent if one can be transformed into the other via a deformation of R3 upon itself (known as an ambient isotopy). Ironically Ramash cannot tie his own shoelaces and often considers the various problems inherent in ambient isotropy while struggling to untangle his which he sometimes ties together rather than preparing a single knot for each shoe as intended by their design. Ramash will spend the no strings attached $645,000 five year stipend to continue his pioneering work in information theory and signal processing, two important branches of applied mathematics involving the quantification of information, and the analysis, interpretation and manipulation of signals. In contrast to his proficiency with information theory he struggles mightily to process information related to many aspects of his home life including where he put any of his silverware, which items need to go in the refrigerator and which in the freezer, and how to put on pants. He also misunderstands a host of signals sent by other human beings when involved in social interactions and often mistakes a friendly smile from a woman as an invitation to take her to bed, and a handshake from a man as a challenge to a duel. Reached for comment Ramash looked down sadly, shook his head, and mumbled “What’s this all about now? Who are you? Where am I?” and finally, “I forgot to wear my pants again didn’t I?”
By Everyday Junglist2 years ago in Poets
I Am So Sick of Periods
I don't know about you, but I am so sick of periods. It seems like every month I feel exactly this same way. It has been like this since I was eleven years old and first started writing. It lasts only about a week but for that time at least periods really suck. All I want to do is sit down and try to convey my thoughts in writing but my head hurts, my stomach cramps up, and I am generally in a lot of pain. I start to write and I'm just cruising along, thoghts flowing onto the page, but then I am forced to slow down, pause or stop completely, sometimes in mid thought, all because of stupid periods. I mean, why do I have to deal with these stupid periods every freaking time I write? Why can't I just keep writing and writing without any pauses or breaks or stops? It really makes me cranky and angry and irritated, and tired. Sometimes I get so sick of periods that I get diarrhea. It's bullshit really. Whoever invented periods should be taken outside and shot. I mean seriously, it's not fair. I can't be sure but it seems like only about half the people I know are as sick of periods as I am. What about the other half? Why do periods not seem to bother them at all? Everyone has to write something, at least every once in a while. Shouldn't we all get sick of periods? It doesn't make any sense really, if you stop to think about it, which I often have extra time to do since when I get really sick of periods I usually have to stay home from work one or two days. Unfortunately, because I am so sick of periods on those days I call in, I can't even get out of bed, let alone write anything. From the first moment I realized how sick I was of periods I tried to imagine what they might be useful for. There has to be some advantage to them right? Why else would they be so common in written communication. And they have been around forever. Likely since the very beginnings of writing itself, maybe even earlier than that. Without periods, when reading we would not know where one thought ends and another begins, but at least I could make it through a month without three to five days of blinding headaches and debilitating nausea. It is definitely a mystery. Almost as mysterious as the severe acne that always seems to reappear whenever I get really sick of periods. Of course periods can also very useful when one wants to emphasize something in writing or even when talking. But, for me at least, that does not outweigh the negative aspects of periods including the bizarre mood swings, recurrent yeast infections, and painful joint swelling that make me so sick of them.
By Everyday Junglist2 years ago in Poets
Argan Oil Embargo Threatens Global Stability
The tiny nation of Morocco in a bold move many think is an effort to prove it has arrived as a global player on the world stage has declared an oil embargo against several European powers it accuses of seeking to destabilize it by investing heavily in jojoba oil futures. Morroccon argan oil minister Yusaf Ahmed had this to say in an afternoon press conference announcing the new policy “Europeans can no longer treat Morroco as a second class nation as they have for many decades now. Our vast reserves of argan oil have given us power and influence at least equal to that of Luxemborg and possibly exceeding even the mighty Lithuania. This embargo proves we can be ignored no longer. We laugh at your attempts to manipulate the global hair and skin oils market by investing in jojoba oil futures. Not only is jojoba oil inferior in every performance category important to health and beauty conscious consumers, it is widely known to leave a sticky film behind unlike argan oil which leaves the hair smooth and shiny with zero residual oily feel.” European economic spokesmen Tad Stevens had this to say in response, “We respect Morocco and do recognize they have grown in stature these past few years as argan oil use has spread throughout all sectors of the beauty and personal care industry. However, despite their bold proclamations we disagree that it is superior to jojoba or any other hair or skin care oil, except for almond oil, that stuff is greasy and way too thick.”
By Everyday Junglist2 years ago in Poets
Argan Oil Hits $100/Barrel Mark
For the first time in history Morrocan argan oil has hit the $100/barrel mark in oil trading on the KERIdax hair oils futures market. OHEC, the organization of hair-oil exporting countries has convened an emergency meeting in Rabat the capital city of the argan oil exporting giant. Imprisoned former Morrocan finance minister and argan oil minister Simo Yousseff said the following when asked about the impact this would have on the global economy, “Certainly the global economy will see a significant downturn if prices remain at these unsustainable levels. However, I am much more concerned about the effects on the quality of men’s and women’s hair, especially as we move into the hot and humid summer months. As we all know this is the time when frizz is at its peak and without the smoothing and calming effects of Moroccan argan oil to tame it hairstyles across the world are at high risk of looking terrible. This is setting up to be a long, hot, miserable summer.” With that he turned slowly and walked back into his cell.
By Everyday Junglist2 years ago in Poets
OPEC Denies Morocco's Bid to Become 15th Member State
OPEC, the intergovernmental organization that controls 44% of the global oil supply, officially rejected Morocco’s application to join its’ ranks on Monday. Speaking for OPEC the Nigerian oil minister Ygumbe Otumbo said of the no votes “All of the OPEC member states recognize and respect Morocco for it’s absolute and total domination of the world’s argan oil supply. In fact we view the Moroccan argan oil situation as a model to strive for in our own quest to completely control the global petroleum market. Unfortunately while argan oil is technically oil, or more specifically a type of oil, it does not fit the standard definition of oil for which OPEC has traditionally been known. Because of this we regretfully had to deny Morocco’s application.” Moroccan interior cabinet member Hamza Abdo had this to say in reply, “We thank the OPEC member states for consideration of our application for membership. While we are bitterly disappointed by the rejection, we take some comfort in the knowledge that our complete control over the world’s argan oil supply remains unchallenged. We have discussions set for next Friday to begin talks with Washington and other western powers. We hope they have a more enlightened view of the importance and criticality of argan oil in today’s world. Without Moroccan argan oil the entire women’s hair care industry would collapse, disrupting a huge sector of the world economy and possibly triggering a global financial catastrophe.”
By Everyday Junglist2 years ago in Poets
Women's Hair Now 90% Argan Oil
In a surprising finding from a study just published in the Journal of Hair Chemistry (JHC 20:17, 104–108) it was shown that on average women’s hair globally is now composed of approximately 90% argan Oil. Researcher Takashi Yakamota who led the Japanese team that spearheaded the groundbreaking work said “It has been known for some time that argan oil based hair care products were hugely popular and widely used by women worldwide, but until this data was collected, the true scope of the issue was not appreciated. These products have become so prevalent that they have actually supplanted keratin (the fibrous structural proteins that is or was formerly the key structural material making up hair) as hair’s most important component. What this might mean for the future of hair is an open question. The only thing we know for sure is that it will be shiny, lustrous, and less prone to breakage, but beyond that no one can say.” The tiny country of Morocco’s (currently the worlds largest source of argan oil) minister of culture was said to have wept when he heard the news.
By Everyday Junglist2 years ago in Poets
The Word "Germs" Has Got to Go
Let me start by stating that this is not one of my The Onion like satirical fake news stories for which I have become (not at all) famous. I am genuinely, seriously, committed to this issue and absolutely believe that the word 'germ' needs to be retired from the lexicons of both microbiologists and the general public. The word carries so much totally undeserved negative baggage, and it does a grave disservice to the vast, vast, vast majority of microorganisms living on this planet, and likely, many others. It unfairly tarnishes the reputations of all the countless microbes that are either slightly beneficial, greatly beneficial or fundamentally necessary to our lives and the lives of all other living macroorganisms, on our planet. When I say countless I am not exaggerating either as the numbers are truly mind boggling. Only a few amazing facts borrowed from a very good book, (Philosophy of Microbiology. 2014. Maureen O’Malley. Cambridge University Press. Pgs. 3–5) about our microbial brethren are included below to give you a sense of what I mean.
By Everyday Junglist2 years ago in Earth
