Everyday Junglist
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About me. You know how everyone says to be a successful writer you should focus in one or two areas. I continue to prove them correct.
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I'm Sorry But Any Writer on This Site That Does Not Allow Comments on Their Stories is a Coward
At first I was very pleased when I first learned that comments on Vocal stories would now be allowed. At my former home, publishing on Medium.com I made my hay in the comments, and did some of my best writing work there. Many of these comments eventually turned into stories of their own and they tended to be some of my best work. At Medium comments were a part of the structure of the site from day one. Given its pro censorship stance it's not too surprising that it was not the case at Vocal which only introduced the ability to comment on stories very recently. Censorship and the free exchange of ideas that comments allows do not exactly go hand in hand. I do appreciate that the default position of each story is to allow comments and that a writer must pro-actively select to turn them off. Given the pro-censorship position of the people in charge at Vocal this did surprise me somewhat. Censors are concerned with limiting the free exchange of ideas and any project which increases at least the possibility of such exchanges will be discouraged. It is doubly surprising defaulting to allowing comments given Vocal's stated mission to act as our all knowing protectors and keep us safe from any content that might make us uncomfortable or scare us or even make us cry. Comments are where internet bullies and abusers live and breathe after all.
By Everyday Junglist4 years ago in Confessions
Biological Agents Could Be Terrifyingly Effective Weapons of Modern War
In comparison to radiological, nuclear, conventional, and even chemical, biological agents have many significant advantages, all of which together make them potentially terrifyingly effective weapons of modern war. Below is a condensed list of some of the most important.
By Everyday Junglist4 years ago in The Swamp
I Took My Wife's Ashes to the Beach Today
Hard to believe it has been close to six years since I lost the love of my life, my then wife Victoria. We had only been married for barely two years though our relationship spanned over fifteen (on and off, mostly on) prior to our marriage. The only reason we tied the knot after all that time was familial and societal pressure. I still view it as one of the worst decisions of my life and will hold a grudge against the institution of marriage, in its current western form at least, for the remainder of my own life because of it. It is not at all because I regret the choice of wife, I loved Victoria as much as any man can love a woman. Rather, it is because of all the baggage that came, and still comes along with it. The expectations, the lifestyle, pretty much everything about it rubbed us both the wrong way. And yet, because of pressure we did it, we got married. It was well on its way to ruining our relationship when I got very ill in 2015 ending up hospitalized for a month, three weeks of which were spent in the ICU, a result of a necrotizing pancreatitis which came from nowhere. I almost (did, depending on whom you ask) died in that hospital bed. Then as I was still recovering from that life altering experience, suddenly, she was gone. The details are too painful to relate here, but suffice to say I couldn't help her, did not help her when she needed it most, and so I lost her, forever. Of course I blamed myself, and still do, and I have struggled and continue to struggle everyday with the ramifications of that.
By Everyday Junglist4 years ago in Humans
My Most Popular Article Ever
Author's preface: I was futzing around in Google Maps a few days ago and stumbled across a section which listed a number of reviews I had written of different locations I had visited while using Google's wildly popular mapping software. There were a grand total of six of these reviews, which, ironically, was exactly six more than I remembered having ever written. The page view stats for each were also listed. To my great surprise one of my reviews, for a small business in the town where my parents live, had 2036 views. This is >1000 more than any other single article I have yet published on the web (~2,500 in 5 years writing regularly or semi regularly). The business is known as A Yarn Crossing. To give just a bit of context, A Yarn Crossing is a store I would never, ever, even consider visiting, were it not for my mom and her interest in knitting, and my need for a last minute Mother's Day gift. I am not sure if I should be happy or terribly depressed that the piece had so much interest. It was intended to be a parody of an actual review, but, given the many comments people made in reply, I am fairly certain most people did not take it as such. The events did happen exactly as I describe them, but my own reactions of dismay and upset are greatly, greatly exaggerated as is the earnestness and seriousness of the tone of the article. In any event, without further ado, but with a totally unnecessary add on introductory sentence intended only to pad my word count so that I can hit the Vocal.media mandatory minimum of six hundred, I present to you A Yarn Crossing, the Google review. Unfortunately, that waste of space and time only brought me to five hundred and thirty five words, necessitating the addition of yet more filler material. Sorry about that. Blame Vocal.media and their terribly, terribly, terribly, stupid policy. Damn, only five hundred and eighty. How the f*&ck hard can it be to write six hundred G*! D&*n words. WTF? Oh, there we go. Phew....
By Everyday Junglist4 years ago in Humans
It is Possible to Get a Coding Job with Very Little Experience
Author's preface: The following is a satirical work that is intended to be a humorous take on an article published on a different website many years ago. Certain portions of the text are lifted directly from that article while others are modified only slightly and others changed a lot. This is very much intentional and is done in a way to maximize the humorous impact while maintaining the tone of the original article. I give full credit to the author of that original piece (Walt Schlender) and suggest that the reader check out his original article (linked below). Reading them sequentially or side by side increases the humor content significantly. You will note if you read both articles that, while they use similar language, and have near identical tone, they are divergent in a variety of ways. In fact they are totally different articles entirely. That is the real trick in writing a satire/parody of this sort. Keeping everything the same yet, at the same time, ensuring they are different. Moreover the differences are meant to highlight the shortcomings of the original piece which are numerous (grammar, spelling, punctuations, etc.). Therefore to suggest that this work is plagiarism or copyright infringement is an egregious misinterpretation of both the plain meaning and technical legal definitions of both terms. Of course, I would say that. I guess we will find out if Vocal's censors and lawyers agree. If you are reading this than you can assume they did. Finally, and I cannot emphasize this enough, I am no homophobe and mean no disrespect to anyone of any sexual orientation. I simply find this particular topic humorous in this particular context. I hope most agree. Now that I have sapped all the fun and humor out of the article with this long winded explanation which unfortunately I felt was required, enjoy.
By Everyday Junglist4 years ago in Journal
A Letter to all the Writers Using the Format of a Letter to Someone/Something as a Story Hook
Dear writers using the format of a letter to someone/something as a story hook, We need to talk. First I am sorry this message has to come in the form of a letter and not in person. It was simply not possible to locate every writer using the format of a letter to someone/something as a story hook to deliver it face to face. A quick scan of several "popular" web publishing platforms suggests that hundreds of these stories formatted as letters are written and published each week. This particular writing trick has been around since age immemorial and is so played out. Please, please stop using it. It is almost as cliché and overused as the article title in the form of a question which I have also suggested should see a major reduction in usage or even total elimination. The title of that article was itself written in the form of a question, much like the this piece which is written in the form of the very thing it is denouncing. That is referred to in the writing business as irony or satire or parody or one of those things. Not really sure exactly which, but definitely one of those, and most definitely awesome, smart, and funny, just like the author of this article, me. I am not saying that using the format of a letter to someone/something as a story hook is always a bad idea, but I am saying it is lazy, and way, way overused. While writing a story in the format of a letter to someone/something and/or with a title in the form of a question are both superior to writing a story in the form of a cooking recipe. they are all still lazy and way, way overused. If you do not have any better ideas for the format of your story below are some suggestions you might try, beyond the obvious of just writing it in the form of a story. Of course, don't forget that it needs to be at least six hundred words or obviously, it won't be any good and not worth publishing, but that goes without saying. How about any one or more of the following story forms you might try that are not in the form of letters to someone/something or with a title in the form of a question:
By Everyday Junglist4 years ago in Confessions
The Subway and the Violinist
There’s a greatly discussed social “experiment”, in which a very talented professional violinist by the name of Joshua Bell played his instrument on a subway platform in Washington. Only a few nights prior he had played the exact same ridiculously expensive violin in a Symphony Hall concert which had sold out in minutes. He spent approximately 45 minutes on the platform during which time exactly 1097 people stopped to listen for at least a few moments. Out of those who paused only 27 gave him any money and only seven stopped for any length of time. The pieces he played were classics, recognized masterpieces, and they were played by one of the greatest violinists of the time, on one of the most lauded violins in existence, yet almost nobody cared. It is said that he made only a bit more than half of the price of one of the seats at the Symphony Hall he’d filled just three days earlier.
By Everyday Junglist4 years ago in Beat
Accepting and Forgiving Dishonesty is the Highest Form of Trust in a Relationship
I don't often write about relationships or give relationship advice. This is mostly because I do not like to read such articles. All too often I find them boring, cliché ridden regurgitations of relationship truisms, revealed as if for the first time ever as holy wisdom obtained from the hand of God himself. They are typically penned in a sanctimonious tone by an author who knows for certain that their relationship and life are far superior to your own. Therefore, I approached this particular story with more than a little trepidation. On top of my disdain for the genre comes the controversial assertion made in the title, about which I can hear reader's howls of disapproval in my head even as I type these words. "You are telling me if I catch my partner lying to me I should just accept it? So, you are saying is is OK for my partner to lie to me?" are but two of the questions that would certainly be hurled my way if hurling questions over the internet were possible, and if anyone actually read anything I write. Fortunately or unfortunately neither of those things is the case, but I will still answer the questions, and yes, that is exactly what I am telling you, and for once I am telling you the answer in non run on sentence format. Of course there are some important preconditions, and possibly one or two run on sentences which describe them. What can I say, I'm a sucker for a good run on. Nothing says, I have a lot to say, and I want it to be very precise, with minimum chance for misinterpretation like a good, long, run on sentence.
By Everyday Junglist4 years ago in Filthy
Jen, Will You Marry Me
For a variety of reasons, my current wife Jen and I decided to get married together slowly over the course of many conversations. Some of these discussions were heart to heart and we mostly focused on our feelings for each other. Others were analytical, rational, and cold, mostly revolving around the financial and logistical implications of a marriage. I thought it was a very smart way to go about making one of the biggest decisions of ones life, and Jen agreed. What I did not realize, was that she also felt a bit ripped off, like she was cheated, or that somehow she was not deserving of a "real" proposal. She did not get to have the romantic dream proposal on a gorgeous beach somewhere where I drop to one knee and ask for her hand in marriage while slipping a ring on her finger as violinists I hired from the local symphony orchestra play love ballads for strings in the background, or whatever (fill in the blank cheesy, romantic, cliché, interesting, dumb thing you can think of). It truly broke my heart when I came to this realization (mostly due to her being honest with me and telling me) and I owe her a make up proposal of which this article is only one part.
By Everyday Junglist4 years ago in Marriage
Why is Nobody Is Willing to Admit the Obvious? - Monkeypox is a Biological Attack
Note: The following article is my opinion. It is informed by 25 plus years of micro/molecular biology research and development experience, including significant experience in the areas of bacterial/viral diagnostics. You are free to disagree with any and all aspects of it. Though I make no claims to correctness (I never do), I do suggest you should at least consider the possibility that it is correct, and the implications thereof. It is important also to note that "Vocal does not accept stories that present personally-held beliefs about others or unfounded conspiracies as fact, or that implicate others in those beliefs." Since this article is an opinion article, nothing within it should be taken as "fact", and no one specific individual or group of individuals is implicated. Finally their is no conspiracy suggested or even implied. If there is a conspiracy at play, it is only one of ignorance and wishful thinking run amok.
By Everyday Junglist4 years ago in Journal
