Hazrat Usman
A lover of technology and Books
I entered and the room shifted. Not because I was loud but because they never expected me to belong. My name was a pause in every roll call.
By Hazrat Usman Usman7 months ago in Poets
They told me to be strong before I knew what soft felt like. Told me to stop crying before they ever wiped a tear. Told me to walk alone before teaching me how to trust.
There were days I didn’t speak. Not a word. Not even to myself. Not because I had nothing to say but because no one was listening.
I carry a weight no one sees. Not in my hands. Not on my back. But deep inside. It presses. Crushes. Silent. I smile to hide it.
They saw me but I wasn’t there. Not fully. Not truly. Just a shape. Just a shadow. Just something close to alive. I spoke, but the voice didn’t sound like mine.
They say I smile a lot. But no one asks why it never reaches my eyes. It’s not mine. It’s borrowed. Like clothes I never chose but wear anyway.
I built a place where no one knocks. No doorbell. No footsteps. No voices that ask, “Are you okay?” It’s quiet but not peaceful.
I used to breathe without thinking. Now every inhale feels like a battle. Not outside inside. My chest tightens without warning.
They call my name I don’t answer. Not because I didn’t hear but because I don’t feel like it belongs to me. It sounds too clean. Too normal. Too whole.
I wrote you a hundred times. Never sent a single one. My hands they trembled. Not from fear. From memory. I remember your voice.
I woke up heavier than yesterday. Not in body. In soul. The mirror refused to lie. Tired eyes. Empty posture. Not from lack of sleep.
I laugh sometimes. At jokes I don’t get. At things I don’t feel. It’s easier than explaining. Easier than silence. They say “You’ve changed.”
