Reed Alexander
Bio
I'm a horror author and foulmouthed critic of all things horror. New reviews posted every Sunday.
@ReedsHorror on TikTok, Blue Sky, Instagram, YouTube, and Mastodon.
Check out my books at reedshorror.com
Stories (317)
Filter by community
Reed Alexander's Horror Review of 'Chernobyl Diaries' (2012)
Can we really call this Chernobyl Diaries? It's a one shot. And while it's in the spirit of shaky camera found footage, it's not. So what about this movie inspired the producer to add 'Diaries' to the title? Semantics...
By Reed Alexander7 years ago in Horror
Reed Alexander's Review of 'The VVitch' (2015)
An hour and a half of abso-fucking-lutely fuck all. You know this movie is visually stunning. I mean that. It's awe inspiring to the point that it is moving. But Jesus fucking Christ, we're not talking about a slow burn, we're talking about a time lapse of cactus dying of thirst over an hour and a half long. Yeah, the cactus catches fire at the end and that is kinda cool, but who wants to watch the cactus slowly wilt for that long.
By Reed Alexander7 years ago in Horror
Reed Alexander's Horror Review of 'The Lazarus Effect' (2015)
This movie wanted to be Reanimator and Flatliners all at the same time. It's not that the premise doesn't work, it just gets messy and leads to a sloppy ending. What I'm saying is this could have been done right. I'm not sure how, but what I do know is the premise is solid, however, the movie fell flat.
By Reed Alexander7 years ago in Horror
Reed Alexander's Horror Review of 'The Blood Lands' (2014)
Okay, we get it, the lead male is a total douche. Fuck sake, can we move on? I swear to god, the exposition in the beginning was less about setting up the plot and more about proving what a royal bag of dicks the male lead is. I mean, it's like the typical horror movie faux pas of making the victims completely unrelatable assholes, so you don't feel sorry for them when they finally eat a machete. But I mean, Jesus fucking Christ, even that trope just establishes the character and moves the fuck on. I mean the first full 25 minutes of this movie was really starting to make me worry that it would fail the "30 Minute Rule" because it was too busy just setting up scene after scene after fucking scene of the male lead being a prick to the female lead.
By Reed Alexander7 years ago in Horror
Reed Alexander's Horror Review of 'Hellraiser: Revelations' (2011)
Okay, I knew this was going to be bad. I was actually expecting it to be so bad that I even enjoyed watching it. Not because it was a good-bad movie (it was just flat out bad), but because I knew what I was getting myself into and basically took it for what it was. It was like watching a video loop on 4Chan. How long can you hold out before the brain damage sets in? I'm not proud of myself, but I managed to watch the whole movie. That's why I'm here people, I take the steaming hot shit bath so you don't have to.
By Reed Alexander7 years ago in Horror
Reed Alexander's Horror Review of 'Let Us Prey' (2014)
I'm really becoming a huge fan of Pollyanna McIntosh. While White Settlers was a complete flop, her acting easily stood apart from the movie's constant letdowns. Now we find her here in a role she totally deserves in a movie that tried a lot harder to really help her shine as an actress... spit shine, but at least they tried.
By Reed Alexander7 years ago in Horror
Reed Alexander's Horror Review of 'Sleepaway Camp' (1983)
Jesus fucking Christ, where do I begin? This movie should be ashamed of its own existence. The vortex of suck is so great, it's creates a singularity. It's bad enough that this movie is rapey, anti LGBTQ, and pretty fucking racist, but it's also a showcase of why, as a society, we should look back at the 80s and collectively flagellate ourselves. It's funny how a society that was clearly so uncomfortable with homosexuality invented the sausage shirt and the denim short shorts. We were just as obsessed with our sexuality as we were afraid of of it. That's why so many 80s movies were marketed around killing sexually promiscuous teenagers.
By Reed Alexander7 years ago in Horror
Reed Alexander's Horror Review of 'Antibirth' (2016)
Well that was fucking different... I was half considering making one of my nonsense "pretentious art snob" parody reviews about this but I think I want to actually talk about this movie. Which is funny, because unlike normal, I'm kinda at a loss for words.
By Reed Alexander7 years ago in Horror
Reed Alexander's Horror Review of 'Maggie' (2015)
You know what? I'm actually pretty impressed that Arnie didn't completely faff this movie up. He actually did an unexpectedly good job. Unfortunately, that's where my appreciation for this movie ends. Happily discovering that Arnold didn't ham up the acting isn't enough to make a decent flick, I'm sorry to say.
By Reed Alexander7 years ago in Horror
Reed Alexander's Horror Review of '10 Cloverfield Lane' (2016)
Now this movie wasn't half bad. It actually starts out pretty damn good for that matter. It kinda loses stride quick, but it's a hard concept to sell and a fine line to walk. Let me s'plain... This is a concept I've spoken of many times in my reviews. Is the character out of his/her god damn gourd, or is this shit actually happening? No real spoilers here, our friend John Goodman springs it on you in the first few minutes of the movie. He didn't "kidnap" the female lead, he "rescued her" from the apocalypse... and who knows what's out there? Russians? Zombies? Aliens? Global viral outbreak? A big god damn creature from another dimension? I guess we'll never know! Not with John Goodman's character keeping the female lead locked in an underground bunker...
By Reed Alexander7 years ago in Horror
