The Pompous Post
Bio
Welcome to The Pompous Post.... We specialize in weaponized wit, tactful tastelessness, and unapologetic satire! Think of us as a rogue media outlet powered by caffeine, absurdism, and the relentless pursuit to make sense from nonsense.
Stories (58)
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WHY DOES IT COST $100 FOR A PIZZA POCKET AND A TOILET BRUSH?
Economists, psychologists, and at least three very confused cashiers have confirmed a groundbreaking discovery. You cannot, under ANY circumstance, walk into a store for one item… and walk out with only that one item.
By The Pompous Post2 months ago in Humor
The “Five-Second Rule” Is Scientifically Valid!
In a stunning revelation that has shocked scientists, parents, and snack enthusiasts alike, researchers at the Institute of Selective Germ Theory have officially confirmed that the “Five-Second Rule” is, in fact, scientifically valid. Provided that one counts extremely quickly and maintains unwavering confidence while doing so.
By The Pompous Post3 months ago in Humor
THE INNER MONOLOGUE OLYMPICS: Overthinking Events You Haven’t Even Attended Yet
In a stunning display of psychological endurance, humanity has collectively entered what experts are calling The Inner Monologue Olympics. A high-stakes mental tournament where every competitor is both the athlete and their own worst critic.
By The Pompous Post3 months ago in Humor
THE WONDERS OF PET OWNERSHIP (AND OTHER LIES WE TELL OURSELVES)
POMP BAY, USA - For centuries, humankind has proudly proclaimed itself the master of the animal kingdom. We have domesticated wolves, tamed jungle cats, and invited birds to share our homes in exchange for a few crackers and the occasional unsolicited scream.
By The Pompous Post3 months ago in Humor
LIVE AT 6: HALLOWEEN CHAOS SWEEPS THE NATION
POMP BAY, USA — 7:03 P.M. Another live, holiday report from your trusted name in news, The Pompous Post! The streets are alive tonight dear viewers, as costumed civilians flood the suburbs in what officials are calling “an organized candy extraction operation, with light property damage.” Visibility remains low due to fog machines, vape clouds, and that one guy who burned twenty pumpkin-scented incense sticks at the antique store.
By The Pompous Post3 months ago in Humor
DINNER WEATHER: A Dense Fog of Apathy Has Settled Over the Region
[POMP BAY, USA] - A thick, flavorless fog of apathy has stalled over kitchens across the nation, leaving millions stranded in what experts are calling “an unprecedented supper standoff.” Expected to linger until someone other than your wife figures out what’s for supper.
By The Pompous Post3 months ago in Humor
🪦 OBITUARY: “The One Houseplant You Overwatered Has Tragically Drowned.”
There are moments in life that test the strength of the human soul. A flat tire. A Wi-Fi outage. A Monday morning. And then… there is this... At precisely 2:47 p.m. on a sunny Tuesday, tragedy struck in Apartment 3B when Fiddleleaf Figgy Smalls, a once-vibrant houseplant of questionable resilience, was found slumped over in its pot. Waterlogged, leaf-limp, and spiritually soggy.
By The Pompous Post3 months ago in Humor
“A Bladder Too Bold: The Economics of Not Getting Up During a Movie”
Somewhere in the soft glow of the theater, just after the previews and before the plot makes any sense, a small rumble echoes deep within. Not from the speakers. Not from your neighbor with the family-size bag of Twizzlers. No, this is an internal tremor; the unmistakable whisper of your bladder.
By The Pompous Post4 months ago in Humor
Put the Script Down, Grandpa: When Hollywood Just Won’t Let the Action Heroes Retire
There comes a point in every action hero’s career when it’s time to trade in the rocket launcher for a recliner. Unfortunately, Hollywood seems to have collectively agreed that point is never. The result? A new cinematic age where once-mighty legends are wheeled out like beloved relics, forced to roundhouse kick villains while praying their hip replacements hold up.
By The Pompous Post4 months ago in Humor
