Secrets
How my addiction grew into what it is today
Get comfortable, because this story may go on for a while. So for most people, when they hit their first joint it's something that was offered to them. With me that is not the case, back in middle school when I was 13, I actually went and searched for drugs, nobody in my school used them, or even vaped back then (Not until I did), so it was a pretty hard thing to find. My reasoning was because of my depression that I had been struggling with since age 8. They tried every antidepressant in the book (That's still available) so don't say I never tried. I also spent 1 and a half years in rehab, and 6 months in hospitals practically begging for help with my problems. Anyway, after talking to almost everyone in school, seeing who is cool and who isn't, I finally made a friend whose father actually used to grow weed. I told him what to do, just snatch a few nugs and put it in a air tight water bottle (Unfortunately he was super dumb and didn't even dry it out first), even though it was drenched that didn’t stop me from trying to light up. Anyway, soon after that came a new friend, whose mom was a nurse at a retirement home. She was a pretty severe addict and would steal prescription painkillers from the poor folks, I got him to bring me in some oxycodone and turns out, opioids work better than weed. After all that everything's kind of fuzzy so I'm just gonna wing this. Once I hit high school that's when I was addicted to stimulants. It didn't matter if it was Adderall, crystal meth, or cocaine, as long as it was a stimulant I wanted it. My Ritalin use got so bad I was doing around half a damn gram of the stuff just to stay on my feet, and that would mean snorting a 500 milligram line. I weighed about 80-100 pounds depending on the week, and after a while started getting chest problems. I went to my doctors and he looked me dead in the eye and asked “How on earth are you fucking alive?!”He then continued on about how if I didn't stop using my heart would fail and implode on itself. I obviously didn't care one bit, at first I told myself damn I got to cut back, but in the midst of trying to get help, the fact everyone just kept putting labels on me, and being emotionally abusive made me change my mind. My mindset went from “I know I need help and I am gonna seek it” to “Fuck everyone, Fuck my Family, Fuck the World, Fuck my homies, Fuck my girl, Fuck Everything I'm gonna sit here with this prescription bottle and snort methylphenidate until I either die from heart failure, or run out of the drug.”. After a while my habit became so severe I would literally buy the entire local supply of that drug and use it before they could even get more, so I switched from pharmaceuticals to street drugs. Now I was spending 10-20 dollars on a 30 milligram pill of Adderall (Methamphetamine Salts), a GRAM (1000 milligrams) of crystal meth only costs 15-20 dollars, and it's a lot stronger as well. Take this for example, a HEAVY dose of Adderall to snort for a full-grown adult is 80mg+, whereas a HEAVY dose of crystal meth for a full grown adult is 50mg+. Also, you can smoke meth to make the high a whole lot stronger. Smoking Adderall is nasty as fuck because of all the fillers they add to pills, unless you decide to freebase the drug. Freebasing is a way of purifying something, and ridding all of the fillers. Anyway, that is the gist of how my addiction grew into what it is today. Learned something from my story? Show your appreciation by subscribing, or you could even send me a tip! Thank you so much for reading, and I hope that this has helped at least someone make the right decision; which would be…. STAY AWAY FROM DRUGS.
By Andrew4 years ago in Confessions
Dear Diary
At first, I hated him. I could not stand to be near him. Everything about him just screamed trouble. He was a thief, a con man, a smooth talker, and he loved the ladies. I had to be nice to him though, because he was my husbands best friend. They grew up together, went to school together, and caused a lot of mischief together.
By Tammy Higgins4 years ago in Confessions
The Fight to Survive
It all started in August of 1992 when I started dating my daughters’ father when I was nineteen years old. I fell madly in love. I loved his big kind heart, the love and attention he gave me. We did almost everything together. He spoiled me and always made me feel like a million dollars. Unfortunately, the alcohol and drug use would change that loving, kind-hearted man that I loved so much into a monster. During the wonderful times, there was abuse. I stayed for many years because I knew he wasn't always this person. I loved him so much that I was blinded by it. I seriously thought that he would change, and I could help him do that. Through the next six years and five months, I was physically, sexually, emotionally, and mentally abused. I can recall several incidences in detail, however, I am sure there are plenty that I have unconsciously blocked out.
By Ireland Lorelei 4 years ago in Confessions
Free Will
Dear Diary, If I die I want the world to know that I was murdered. It has been a couple years since the police found me in that basement wrapped in a filthy blanket on the dirt floor. I was held captive there for what felt like years but had only been 5 months. The man that owned this place had kidnapped me while I was out on my nightly run near the college I attended. I thought it would be fine in our small town to take my runs by myself since everyone knew each other here. But I was horribly wrong and fell victim to a psychopath who was passing through.
By Ash Adams4 years ago in Confessions
My History with the A Word
*Trigger Warning: Brief mention of suicide. Nine or Ten I was either nine or ten years old when I first heard the A word. The exact moment escapes me, but I know I was in the third grade. There was a boy (we’ll call him Ron) that I had met the previous school year, and it was clear right off the bat that he was different. He was obsessed with computers, he’d always point out when a light in the room was flickering, and he said “Good job! Yay!” whenever he completed a math problem. He was an odd kid, but everyone seemed to like him.
By Cat the Autist4 years ago in Confessions
Love, Alone
Love, Alone. It was only as I walked with him back to Grand Central that I saw the fear return to his eyes. A paradox I couldn’t understand then, he seemed to exhale in relief of its return. For a brief time, he’d cast aside that horror he carried around like a talisman. But it became clear that he found comfort in fear. He’d never really loved a woman, but I know now that he clung with desperation to the security of being terrified by them.
By Heather Richmond4 years ago in Confessions
Turning point
The one moment that was the turning point and changed my life forever was when I attempted suicide. My life before was O.K. I did have depression and intrusive thoughts. I was never officially diagnosed with depression. That was part of the problem. Do not wait to get help. If you need help, please get it.
By Jeremy White4 years ago in Confessions
Change: an Inspiration
In the beginning, beginning of what, you ask? That’s hard to say, for sure. There has been numerous, too many to count, “beginnings” in my life. On the same token, just as many endings. Throughout my existence, I have been forced to stop, look around, and look in the rearview of my life. The universe, at times, saw fit to present me with a reckoning; thrusting upon me the need to evaluate myself. Ultimately, at the crux of each of these trials, I found myself at a crossroads, with multiple paths and choices I could take. Naturally, some were good decisions, while others—well, you know.
By Eric Neugin4 years ago in Confessions
Love thy neighbor
All I can tell you for sure is that I am in love with a man. This man is still a mystery to me. I don’t know how I should feel about him. Should I love him? Should we just stay friends? I like him a lot, and I can only imagine his feelings for me.
By Rambler's Society4 years ago in Confessions
The wrong attention or lack thereof can be damaging
Not having either of your parents in your life is a tough thing for any child to go through growing up, especially when the circumstances for which you are living take a toll on your life later down the line. The responsible adult in that child's life may not foresee the cautionary and damaging effects it may have on their children's lives when they isolate the other parent, constantly argue in front of the child with the other parent, blame the child for what the adults are doing wrong, or even distancing themselves from their children in any way. All these little things that our parents do while we are young will affect our adulthood, either good or bad, and parents should take more precautions on the actions that are being presented to the children in the household.
By Carla SofiiLove Garcia 4 years ago in Confessions
