Humor
Aliens or Cops?
Meet dumbass Darius. That’s my nickname for him because he’s always doing something foolish and there’s no other explanation than being a dumbass. For example, we have been planning this heist for months and by we, I mean, Darius, Domino, and myself, Rico. And of course, dumbass Darius messes up something! Me and Domino have been friends since diapers, I taught him how to potty train, even though when you ask him, he claims it’s the other way around. We became friends with Darius when he moved to Flatbush in middle school. We saw he was about to get his ass jumped right outside the park and we decided to help him. We found out the reason for the almost ass whooping was over a girl. We saved him that day and have been saving him ever since.
By Christina DeFeo4 years ago in Fiction
The Orderly Eater Manifesto
Hey howdy hey, all! It has become fairly evident to me that I should… nay, must… defend myself. Not against lawsuits, or beagles, or evil hot dog vendors wielding nuclear mustard (after all, an evil hot dog vendor would… relish… that). I must defend myself against those that do not understand the ways of the Orderly Eater. We Orderly Eaters are a misunderstood lot, mocked openly and harshly by Chaotic Eaters who choose to eat that which is on their plate in total randominity. Is randominity a word? I kinda like it. I digress.
By Lloyd Farley4 years ago in Fiction
Drinks Over Gatsby
The piano was beautiful from fifteen feet away. It stood in the corner, gleaming even in the dim restaurant lighting. I tossed back my drink, set the empty glass on the bar, and walked over to the stunning instrument. I’d waited all night and finally the paid player had abandoned the piano for a smoke break. It was my chance. Something bold and daring, that I had wanted to do for so long.
By Patricia Corn4 years ago in Fiction
The Child I Never Had
My name is Ryan and I work for a pharmaceutical company. I've been with the company for a little over 8 years now working in a cubicle and I've been telling the same lie every year. It started off small to get out of company retreats, parties etc. I told them I had a 2-year-old daughter named Rebecca, that was 6 years ago. At first no one gave it a second thought, but over the years it's been harder and harder to maintain that little white lie I told. When she turned five in imaginary land, my coworkers starting asking how Kindergarten and the rest of school was going for her.
By Matthew Mccahey5 years ago in Fiction
Old Habits Die Hard
Josh and Emma were extremely happy with their purchase of Lavender Cottage, in the heart of the Cotswold village of Little Brooking. They would not have able to afford anything like as upmarket as this had not Emma been the main beneficiary of a bequest from a childless aunt who had proved to be unexpectedly wealthy.
By John Welford5 years ago in Fiction
Is this funny?
“Are you saying you don’t feel like a bull?” He asked the question with his usual brand of playful contempt. “Well, I do have a habit of running straight toward every red flag that I see.” I glanced up at him from the breakfast nook table and smiled, silently suggesting that present company was not excluded from this statement. When he did not smile back, I quickly shifted my gaze downward to his long legs, dangling from the kitchen counter.
By Jamie Edwards5 years ago in Fiction
