curveball.

im getting older by the minute. i am 20 years old and i cant believe how fast lifes flying by. with growing age comes growing emotions. and i get startled sometimes when i actually feel that i am bothered by something or that i feel strongly about something. negatively or positively. either way. i became really close with someone that had been around me for awhile but we never talked. and when we started talking i swear the sparks started to fly. we talk everyday still and things never seem to get old between us. i really do enjoy every conversation and interaction we have. no matter how grim or sparatic. she seems to complete me. and i feel to a certain extent that at this age its easy to feel that way. when getting to know someone that you really like, the emotions hit you like a train and you dont mind getting hit. ive heard many say that relationships as such end as quick as they started. which is really scary to think about.

but in this case i cant see it ending any other way. something completely tragic has to occur for me to let go of her. i cant put my finger on it. but she fills the criteria of being a bestfriend and a lover all in the same slot. in the beginning there was a bt of an obsession. i was taken aback by her looks because she was the most beautiful girl i had ever seen. who also had the most beautiful personality ever. shes very kind and giving and thinks everyone in the world deserves good. theres no such thing as a bad soul lin her mind. which is crazy because i feel like IM that bad soul sometimes. i used to think i wasnt enough for her. maybe she deserved the world and i couldnt give that to her right now. but i wanted to give her the best of the best. and in the beginning i felt as if i was putting on a facade. wanted to take her out to the best restaurants and treat her to grandiose gestures. when really all i had to do was be myself.

she really does mean so much to me. it scares me how much sometimes. i feel like i think about her 24/7. and no exaggeration. literally 24/7. i wake up, i think of her. im watching tv, i think of her. i take a piss, im thinking of her. and in the mind f any human the thing that races through my mind is "is she the one?". to be very fucking honest theres no way to know. only have to experience. thats why if this whole love thing doesnt pan out to be a forever contract id feel lost again. and i wouldnt understand how i could be so stupid. but all in all i feel like maybe life has these curveballs and these euphoric experiences so you learn from each one. this girl is my one and only. but for how long?