Mr. Officer

I'm a black man that grew up in an inner city. I'm also of a certain age. So, I've lived through a gauntlet of feelings towards you. I remember when you were everyone's hero. When everybody looked up to you. When every kid wanted to be you when they grew up. When you were a pillar of our communities. When you were loved and admired. When you were considered a hero by most.

I also lived through the Rodney King incident. When all of a sudden you were no longer a hero. Matter of fact, you had become a villian to many. Now instead of a protector you were a victimizer. You weren't a pillar of the community, now you were a menace to society. You were hateful and racist. You were a thug and a gang member. You went from someone I could reach out to for help to someone to avoid as much as possible. You went from kids wanting to be you to now wanting to be doctors, lawyers, firefighters, anything but a police officer. You went from being most loved to most hated.

At first it didn't bother me that much. I was a child then. I wasn't worried about you. I actually never wanted to be you so my dreams weren't crushed. To be honest at that time I didn't pay it any mind.

That changed drastically during my teenage years. First it started with hip-hop music. Once I was old enough I was able to buy and listen to my own music and hip-hop was the main choice of music for the Black community. So of course I was listening to N.W.A scream "F*** da Police." I heard Public Enemy calling 911 a joke. I even heard KRS-One talking about the black cop. All blatant lacks of respect for you. There I was too dancing and rapping right along with them. I personally couldn't relate. My thought process was if you could do it to Ice Cube, Dr. Dre and Eazy-E you could do it to me. Black people were a united community across the country against you.

Then it went beyond the music. I started hanging out in the street a little bit and you started harassing me. Asking me and my friends what we were doing when we were clearly just hanging out. You've checked my pockets and patted me down when I've never been associated with drug dealing. You pulled me over just because I was black and driving in an area you didn't think I should be in.

I didn't hate you though. I didn't appreciate the harassment but I brushed it off most of the time. I even at times understood why you did it. Drugs and drug dealers were rampant in my neighborhood. That led to a lot of crime and violence. So, maybe a bunch of young black men out late at night did seem suspicious. I even understood being pulled over at times. I understood that you had to serve and protect white people as well as blacks. I understood the calls from the old white woman saying there are suspicious black men on her block. I understood that you had a job to do.

Then in my adult years I had honestly become quite confused. How was it that you were so racist. There were plenty of black police officers in my community. Some of them were aquantices of mine. So why am I still being harassed. Why are you pulling me over when I have not committed a violation. Aren't you black? Aren't you one of us?

That was when you became something else. In addition to everything that you were already being called now you were a sellout and a traitor. You were selling out your own people for the money and the power. You've traded on the black community for the benefit of the white people. You also knew that there wasn't anything we could do about it. We didn't want to be arrested. We also needed you. You still had to protect us. So we just had to accept the things you did to us.

We did accept it for a long time too. I started taking the back way to the suburbs. I accepted the fact that the main road was for the white folks. I started saying yes officer when you pulled me over. I accepted the fact that I was being profiled. I accepted the fact that being respectful and cooperative would get me home faster and safer. I didn't mind putting my hands up. I accepted the fact that showing you I was unarmed was better for my safety. There were times that I've even avoided confrontations. Even though I may have felt justified in my actions I accepted the fact that you would see things differently. I accepted the fact that the benefit of the doubt may go to the white man.

So that's how I lived for most of my life. I didn't hate you but I definitely didn't love you either. We weren't friends. Since for the most part I wasn't a criminal I didn't interact with you much. I became content with what you had become. I wasn't worried about you at all. It had also seemed as though the rest of the country had forgotten about you as well. There were a few stories of injustice sprinkled in here and there but for the most part you weren't a topic.

Then it all changed for me again. I will admit that this time wasn't your fault. For some reason crime in the city where I live became more rampant. People here started to have a real disregard for the safety and lives of others. Then it seemed like it was all being directed towards you. It seemed like everytime I turned on the local news another police officer was shot or assaulted. I then started feeling sympathy for you. I started to say to myself "I know he isn't perfect but he didn't deserve that." I even commended you on still being out there. Still taking calls. Still going to crime scenes and trying to do your job with a target clearly on your back.

I guess you decided that you weren't going to take that shit lying down though. I started hearing the stories. One after another of people being fatally harmed by you. Black unarmed people lost their lives at your hands. The reasons why, the excuses, none of that mattered. Perception was everything and the perception of you was that you were a criminal. You already were racist, you already were a gang member. You already were above the law, because you were the law. You already were abusing your power to the fullest. There was no benefit of the doubt for you.

That's when the hatred of you was at an all time high. I turned on the news and it said that black people were at war with you. The WAR against police. This was crazy to me. Black people are at war with the police in a city where crime is at an all time high! I already feel unsafe leaving my home and now I'm in a war with the people who are supposed to protect me.

It was truly a war too. There were riots and protest. They're were organizations like Black Lives Matter who said we weren't going to stand for this. That led to white people coming to defend themselves. White people saying that the country was ignoring them. I thought that they were also going to defend you as well. They were you friends right? They were the reason you were behaving in such a manner right? Your goal was to protect them at all costs right? That's what I had thought. To my surprise, they didn't help you. They didn't support you at all. Matter of fact they made things worse for you.

They told us that racism wasn't your motivation. That you were just as bad if not worse to them. That you've fatally and unjustly wounded more of them than you have of us. Now they had joined the war. Not as an ally for you but to hopefully become an ally for us. We didn't accept them though. We thought to ourselves, here they go again. White people playing the victim. We thought they were on your side trying to defend racism. So it became Black Lives Matter against All Lives Matter against you.

So you mounted your defense. You had your wives and friends to fight for you. Blue Lives Matter. Police are people too. You have families. You live in the same communities. You have members of all colors, creeds, and backgrounds. You were just doing your job. It's hard out here for police too.

That's where we were. A nation divided. Countless arguments over which side you were on. White people saying that we didn't consider them. That by saying Black Lives Matter we were saying that their lives didn't. Black people using the ratio of blacks to whites in this country to even out the numbers of people brutalized by you. Then there was you saying you have a job to do. That all the people who were victims were also committing some kind of crime. Shifting the blame to people that were dead.

Your families and friends had it the worst. They had no side to stand on. The people who had police officer parents, aunts, uncles, cousins, brothers, sisters and close friends. They had no defense. The white ones were racist. The black ones were just taking up for their loved one. Then we somehow convinced ourselves that their was no such thing as a good police officer. We convinced ourselves that all police were bad.

I must admit that I didn't care. It ultimately didn't affect me much at the time. I'm not a criminal. I'm home with my children at night. I have no interaction with police. I'm not in this fight. Then I was told that not picking a side was just as bad as joining you. They told me I didn't care about my own people. They even said that the police should be disbanded.

All of that forced me to take a hard look at myself. Were they right about me? Did I not care about my fellow black man? In that mirror I saw a man who couldn't pick a side. I saw a man that loved his black people. His family and friends mostly black. I saw a man who had a white friend so close to him that he calls him brother. I didn't want him to be killed by you. His life and the life of his family mattered to me. I was able to tell people that. Of course I'm on the black side. Of course Black Lives Matter, but I do care about my white family as well. They accepted that.

Then there was you. I could have just easily went back. I could have easily turned on my radio and played it loud and clear "F*** da Police!" I didn't though. When I took that look in the mirror it was an honest look. When it came to you I saw a man that had to choose his mind over his heart.

My mind told me that all police officers can't be bad. All white people aren't racist are they? All black people don't hate white people right? But "One bad apple spoils the bunch" doesn't it? The police officers that didn't participate are still just as bad right? Isn't it their duty to protect even if it's from one of their own. Knowing these things are happening and not doing anything about it is just as bad right? Then I learned of all of the officers that quit the force. That said that they could no longer be involved with an organization that would allow and defend such horrible things. Those were all of the good police right? Then that look in the mirror came back to me.

That man that I saw in the mirror says that there was only one thing for me to do. So, I came over to your house that day. I knocked on your door. I looked you right in the eye and said give me your shoes. Then I took those shoes and I walked in them the whole entire mile back to my house.

During that walk I thought I'm a good person. I'm not racist. I don't want to unjustly kill people based on the color of their skin. I want to be a hero. I want to serve and protect. I want to help save lives not take them. During that walk I also saw a few of my colleagues shot and killed. Some of those shootouts I was involved in myself. I didn't want them to die and I didn't want to die either. I couldn't run though. In your shoes my job was to serve and protect even if it meant putting my life in danger.

Then on my walk I saw an unarmed man being unjustly brutalized. My first instinct was to jump in and stop it right away. I went to stop it and couldn't move. I looked down and realized that your shoes had a ball and chain on them. When I went to try and get it off I noticed that the ball had writing on there.

It said right is right and wrong is wrong. It also said racism, loyalty, justice, and equality. I rolled it over and on the other side it said duty, love, murder, and serve and protect. Then at the bottom were the names of my parents and my daughters. By the time I had finished reading it and had taken it off it was too late. A man was dead.

I realized that the writing was a distraction. That had I not read that ball. Had I not began to think about the things that were written on there I might've had time. I might've been able to save that man.

Then I finally made it home. Before I could take your shoes off though my daughters ran up to me. Each one of them with a different need. "Daddy I need shoes." "Daddy I need a coat." "Daddy I need glasses." "Daddy I'm hungry." So I had to keep your shoes on and take care of my children first.

I finally was able to take off your shoes. I'll admit that the mile I walked in them was tough. I was almost killed. Watched a man die unjustly. Thought about my loyalty to the job. Thought about my duty as a police officer and as a human being. Thought about racism. At the end of the walk I couldn't wait to take your shoes off but I couldn't because my daughters needed me. I had to take care of them.

So now I get it. I understand. One rotten apple does not spoil the whole bunch. You're not a racist. You're not a criminal. You're not a murderer. You're not a gang member. You're a father. You're a husband. You're a son. You're a police officer. You're a human being. You're still a HERO!

Thank You

Sincerely, Tyrone