Inside the Gym of Chad “Thunderbuns” Wilson, The World’s First Mentagonist™

When I accepted an internship at The Pompous Post, I imagined journalism. Investigations, serious interviews, and possibly a press badge. Instead, last Tuesday morning, I was handed a clipboard and told:

“Kid, go check out this motivational guy everyone keeps talking about.”

That motivational guy was Chad “Thunderbuns” Wilson. And nothing in journalism school, or basic human development, prepared me for what followed.

The Assignment

According to online buzz, and there wasn't much, Wilson had become something of a phenomenon. Clips of his motivational speeches were circulating on social media, often accompanied by captions like “This man changed my life” or “I don’t understand what he said, but I feel stronger.” Editor’s note attached to my assignment simply read:

'Possible story... Bring sanitizer.'

The gym sat between a vape shop and what appeared to be a permanently closed tax office. A banner hung above the entrance reading:

*THUNDER PERFORMANCE INSTITUTE*

Mind. Muscle. Momentum.

Someone had spray-painted the word Momentum twice. Don't ask me... Inside, the air smelled aggressively of protein powder and PEDs. (professional ego delirium)

First Contact

Chad “Thunderbuns” Wilson spotted me immediately. He emerged from behind a stack of tractor tires wearing a sleeveless hoodie, mirrored sunglasses, and a headset microphone that was very clearly not connected to anything. He pointed directly at me... Of course he did.

“NEW ENERGY JUST WALKED IN THE BUILDING!”

Everyone turned, and I waved nervously. Before I could introduce myself, Wilson clasped my shoulders with alarming enthusiasm. “You here to LEVEL UP?” “I’m… the intern,” I said. He nodded solemnly. “We’re all interns in the gym of life, brother.” I wrote that down despite myself.

Understanding the Mentagonist™

Within minutes, Coach Thunderbuns gathered the class around what I initially believed was workout equipment but later realized was just a large tire set up for dramatic effect. “This,” he announced, pacing like a motivational hurricane, “is a SAFE SPACE FOR MAXIMUM GREATNESS.” A participant raised a hand. “What exactly do you do here?” Wilson smiled. “I’m a Mentagonist™.” He said this with trademark confidence.

Seeing confusion spread across the room, he clarified. “A Mentagonist is a mentally unstable force for positive change.” No one questioned this definition, including me. You can't argue with logic that forceful.

The Workout Begins

Music started playing from somewhere, possibly a phone inside a locker, and the session began. Wilson paced the floor, shouting encouragement that escalated rapidly beyond recognizable motivation.

“LISTEN UP! I want confidence so strong a GPS asks YOU for directions!” Participants nodded while attempting lunges. “You don’t chase success, SUCCESS FILES A RESTRAINING ORDER ON YOU!” Someone nearly dropped a kettlebell. Wilson continued, unstoppable...

“I want discipline so powerful mosquitoes ask permission before biting!” At this point, I realized something important: No one understood what he meant, and yet everyone felt encouraged.

The Conspiracy

About twenty minutes into the session, Wilson referenced what would become a recurring mystery. “You see this intensity?” he shouted while flipping the tire indoors. “THIS is why they feared my mentor!”

I cautiously asked who his mentor was. Wilson removed his sweaty sunglasses dramatically. “Former professional weight lifter,” he blustered. “What happened to him?” I pried. A long pause followed. Wilson leaned closer. A little too close for my comfort if I am being completely honest. (nose hair incoming)

“Obviously… a conspiracy.” I shouldn't have asked, but “What kind of conspiracy?” He shook his head with an incredulity I have never seen up close. “Can’t elaborate... Legal reasons.” This explanation satisfied him completely, and I didn't inquire further.

Motivational Escalation

As the workout intensified, so did the metaphors. “You gotta BENCH PRESS YOUR DOUBTS AND SPOT YOUR DESTINY PEOPLE!” Sweat poured. Confusion grew. “Life ain’t a staircase... It’s a vending machine of opportunity, and YOU forgot exact change! You get what I'm sayin'?....”

One participant whispered, “That actually makes sense somehow.” Wilson pointed toward a mirror and motioned that he was looking at... himself. (That was weird)

The Philosophy of Thunderbuns

Between exercises, Wilson offered life guidance. “People think motivation comes from comfort,” he explained while aggressively adjusting resistance bands. “WRONG! Comfort is a beanbag chair filled with excuses!” He paced back and forth like a squirrel on its third espresso. “You gotta wake up ready to jog through a buffet of challenges and only eat determination!” Someone applauded...

I noticed motivational posters on the walls, reading the following:

1. SWEAT LOUDER THAN YOUR EXCUSES
2. HYDRATE YOUR AMBITION
3. TRUST THE PROCESS (UNDER INVESTIGATION)

The last one had been crossed out and rewritten twice. Looks as though somebody has an obsessive/compulsive tic.

The Followers

Perhaps most fascinating were Wilson’s students. Accountants, teachers, and janitors. And one confused man who admitted he came in looking for a yoga class. All of them listened intently. Because beneath the chaos, something strange was happening.

People were laughing. Moving. Trying harder than they expected to. Thunderbuns may not have made sense, but he made momentum. Which, incidentally, was spray-painted twice outside.

A Personal Intervention

Near the end of the session, Wilson turned his attention directly toward me. “The INTERN.” Everyone looked again. “You writing this down, bro?” “Yes,” I said definitively... He nodded in the kind of approval you only see at a game winning fieldgoal.

“Good... Tell the people this: I want them so financially disciplined they could swallow a quarter and crap exact change!” The room erupted. I laughed hysterically and snorted a bit. Against my professional judgment, I might add. His seriousness when he made that statement caught me off guard.

The Final Drill

The workout concluded with what Wilson called The Mindset Finisher. Everyone stood in a circle. Lights dimmed slightly, possibly by accident. Wilson raised both arms. “Repeat after me!” The class obeyed.

“I AM STRONG!”

“I AM STRONG!”

“I AM CAPABLE!”

“I AM CAPABLE!”

“I WILL OUTWORK MY DOUBTS!”

“I WILL OUTWORK MY DOUBTS!”

Then Wilson added:

“I WILL CONFUSE NEGATIVITY WITH THE BLINDING SHINE FROM MY RAY-BANS!” The group hesitated, looked momentarily dumbfounded, but complied.

Departure From the Thunder's Dome

As participants left, visibly exhausted yet oddly uplifted, Wilson approached me one final time. “So,” he asked, “you feel transformed?” I considered my answer carefully. I had arrived skeptical. I now felt motivated to reorganize parts of my life, despite understanding only approximately 40% of what had occurred.

“Yes,” I admitted. Wilson smiled knowingly. “Ohhh yeah, ...now that’s Mentagonism™ baby!” He tapped the side of his headset microphone, which was still not connected to anything.

Final Notes From an Intern

Journalism teaches objectivity. Distance from the emotional and a singular focus on the facts. But sometimes reporting places you in situations that defy easy explanation. Chad “Thunderbuns” Wilson may not follow traditional motivational frameworks. His metaphors frequently collapse under scrutiny. And the conspiracy surrounding his former employer remains deeply unclear and unsettling.

Yet somehow, against all reason, logic, and possibly physics… People leave his gym believing they can do more than they thought possible. Including one intern who accidentally completed three full workouts while taking notes. Which raises an uncomfortable possibility. Maybe motivation doesn’t need perfect logic. Maybe sometimes it just needs a man yelling encouragement, beside a tire, in a sparkling tracksuit.

And possibly a Mentagonist™...