The One-Sided Open Relationship

I’m 25, and early on in my relationship with my girlfriend (also 25), she told me that being in an open relationship was non-negotiable for her. I’d never been in one before, but I was open to trying it because I really liked her. When we talked about it, we agreed that both of us could sleep with whoever we wanted, as long as it wasn’t anything serious. It felt like a fair arrangement, and I figured, okay, I can give this a shot.

We’ve been together for 11 months now, and over time, I’ve fallen in love with her. She’s smart, driven, and always fun to be around. In the beginning, the idea of being open didn’t bother me too much because I was so wrapped up in how great she was. I knew she had a few casual partners on the side, but it didn’t affect me as much as I thought it might. She always came back to me, and that’s what mattered. As for me, I didn’t sleep with anyone else because I was really happy just being with her. I didn’t feel the need for anyone else.

But two months ago, things changed. I went to a party with some friends, had a bit too much to drink, and ended up sleeping with someone else. At the time, I didn’t think I was doing anything wrong. We had an open relationship, after all. I wasn’t sneaking around or being deceptive. So, when it came up in conversation with my girlfriend a few days later, I didn’t try to hide it. I told her what had happened, thinking it would be no big deal.

I was wrong.

She was furious. She said it was incredibly disrespectful for me to sleep with someone else, especially when I hadn’t asked her beforehand. I was completely blindsided by her reaction. I reminded her that we had both agreed to an open relationship from the start and that she had been seeing other people the whole time. Why was it such a problem now that I had done the same thing? She just kept saying it was different—that I had crossed a line.

After that, things between us began to spiral. She became incredibly paranoid and controlling. Every time we were out together, she would accuse me of checking out other women, even if I wasn’t. She’d grab my phone without asking, scrolling through my messages and social media like she was looking for something—some kind of evidence that I was betraying her. And when I wasn’t with her, she insisted I text her constantly, checking in every hour. It didn’t stop there. She wanted to track my location, saying it was just so she could feel “secure” in the relationship. At first, I thought maybe she was just reacting out of fear and insecurity from what happened at the party. But it’s been two months now, and her behavior hasn’t changed. If anything, it’s gotten worse.

Here’s the kicker: she still wants to be in an open relationship. But, only for her. She says she loves me and expects me to be loyal to her alone. When I point out the hypocrisy, that it feels unfair for her to continue seeing other people while I’m expected to remain faithful, she gets defensive. Angry, even. She tells me that I should want to be with her and only her if I really loved her. Then she goes on about how she won’t be one of those women who’s unsatisfied in their relationship, and that I have no right to hold her back. It’s like she expects me to put aside my own feelings and accept the fact that she can have multiple partners while I can’t.

The more I think about it, the more frustrated I become. I’m trying to understand her perspective, but it’s hard when she won’t consider mine. I feel trapped in this strange, one-sided dynamic where I’m being made to feel guilty for doing the exact same thing she’s been doing all along. I don’t mind being monogamous if that’s what she wanted, but I can't handle the double standards anymore. Her accusations, her paranoia, the way she’s trying to control my every move, it’s exhausting.

I love her, and part of me doesn’t want to give up on this relationship. But at the same time, I’m starting to realize that love isn’t enough when the terms of the relationship are so skewed. I’ve tried talking to her about it, but every conversation ends in an argument. She makes me feel like I’m the one being unreasonable, like I’m asking too much by wanting equality in our relationship.

Now, I’m at a crossroads. Do I continue trying to make this work, knowing that it’s wearing me down more every day? Or do I walk away, as painful as that might be, because deep down I know this isn’t healthy for either of us? All I know is that something has to change. I just don’t know if she’s willing to make that change with me.

drop your opinion in the comment.