A Work in Progress

At the age of ten, I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism. For those of you that are not familiar, Hypothyroidism fucks with your metabolism. A lot. To the point where I was gaining weight just for being alive. Literally everything I ate made me heavier and heavier, and I didn’t even realize it until the 7th grade. I’ve lost a tremendous amount of weight since then, and am creeping closer to my ideal weight, but the feeling of being heavy has never left me. However, I have come a long way on this journey of finding self-love and being able to live my life for myself. That is why I wanted to share some of my thoughts and experiences, in hopes that whoever reads this might find revelation in it.

I have moments of intense insecurity very often, most are centered around weight and feeling unattractive, but in reality I am quite happy with myself. However, I’ve realized that my relapses to insecurity have come in times where it is easy to compare myself to others. Parties, concerts, school, social media, etc., people are everywhere, and just as it is easy to find yourself amongst people, it is also just as easy to make yourself feel less valuable than them.

You determine your own self-worth, you have the power to neglect what the media and society projects as “like-able” and “popular.” There is beauty in all of us, and I know you’re thinking “No not really,” but yes really! If you take a moment just to think about the people in your life, and think about the fact that they want to be there, then you’ll realize that there is something attractive about you. If you’ve ever been in a relationship, had someone crushing on you, etc., then that also means something ya know?

I always sought approval from others, significantly in my romantic endeavors. However, that’s extremely unhealthy, I should be able to love myself without the need for someone else to. I should feel attractive without waiting for someone I think is attractive to take interest in me. I should feel secure in myself as a person and be comfortable with myself, enough to the point where I won’t change for anyone. I think that is the purest form of self-love.

Your environment also has a tremendous amount to do with self-love! By placing yourself out of toxic environments, and putting yourself into one that is centered on your goals and ambitions, then you will be a million times happier. You will even feel a sense of pride and worth. This also includes surrounding yourself with people who encourage you, and that are also honest and genuine with you. Trying to have a relationship with anyone you feel nervous to talk to because they seem “cooler” is not worth it. Make sure you and everyone in your life see everyone as equals. Sure there are shit people, but as far as friends go they should see you as an equal. Same thing with relationships.

I was talking to this one dude, and he was extremely attractive, probably the cutest guy I have ever been with, but I felt extremely insecure being with him. Not even in the sense of being his presence, but I made myself feel unworthy of him. Which is shit, don’t do that. I would go out and see a pretty girl and say “why the fuck is this guy with me when he could be dating a girl like that,” and that was incredibly toxic. I spoke to him about it and I realized how stupid that all was. Those girls existed before me, so I was those girls. You are that person, realize that.

Everyone is beautiful, and that’s so generic and dumb, but it’s true. We create our own beauty, and we determine how much of it we want to share. Find beauty in yourself and stop seeking it in the eyes of others. Find a passion, a place, people, who make you feel beautiful, who make you feel your life and entity is beautiful. This piece of writing is all over the place, but these are more like diary entries and a practicing of self-love more than anything.

Before ya leave, here are some extra things you can do to practice self-love and just to make life exciting for ya:

💋 Dress-up from time to time, if you don’t naturally feel beautiful in your wardrobe, feel free to mix it up! It’s just fun to try new things and challenge yourself with creating a new look, it is also great for facing fears and an opportunity for you to stop caring about what people think of you.

💋 Decorate your room!! That is your environment, the place in which you should feel the most like yourself, and the safest. If where you’re living now does not make you feel that way, then maybe it is time to mosey on out of there! Decorating your space can leave you with a great sense of accomplishment and pride, which is great for your self-esteem and self-perception!

💋 Take care of your body! That could mean a bunch of different things for each of you, but I think when you take that little bit of extra time to do something nice for your body like taking a bath, stretching, skin care, eating, exercising, sleeping, etc., it just makes you feel like YOU care about yourself.

💋 Pursue all of your passions and fulfill them. Regardless of how “realistic” or “unrealistic” something is, you should do it. Wanna be an accountant? Be an accountant! Wanna skateboard? Skateboard! Wanna make music? Make music! Don’t limit yourself in anything you do, you will never be happy that way!