Don't Get Walked Over

I was once one of these people who was very relaxed, very easy-going, and would always go out of my way to avoid any conflict or confrontation with anybody. I was always someone who was very gentle natured, courteous, kind, and considerate. In fact, I am still all of the above, however I have made a subtle change to the way I conduct myself nowadays, and that is, I no longer live my life pleasing others. I no longer accept when people try to take advantage of me and walk all over me. You see, as someone that is easy-going, gentle natured, caring, courteous, considerate, and kind, there are unfortunately many people who love to take advantage of these behaviors, and they do so for personal gain. They see it as a perfect opportunity to manipulate that person into doing what pleases them, even if it is of detriment to the person they are taking advantage of, or manipulating. It's just an unfortunate characteristic that so many people possess in this world, which is of course selfishness. So many people will totally disregard, disrespect, and dishonor others, as long as there is something in which they can personally benefit from. The biggest benefit that people look for in life is to have things the way they want them, of course. Basically whatever is convenient for themselves. The thing is, people just don't about trying to create circumstances to suit and benefit themselves, they go out about trying to manipulate others into being the person they want them to be, or doing what they want them to do. The worse part to all of this is that those people who do try to walk all over us, manipulate us to do what they want, and influence us to believe what they believe, are often our own parents, friends, partner, and other loved ones. The very people who supposedly love and care for us, who supposedly want the best for us in life, are often the culprits who walk all over us, and because of our relationship with them, we often become a victim of their manipulative games.

Up until around 11 years ago, as I mentioned, I used to be very easy-going, and I wouldn't really stand up for myself, or defend myself, as I probably should have. I was concerned around how people would view me if I retaliated, or how people wouldn't like me and respect me any more, if I was to say "no" to them, or reject their advice to me. I had people all around me telling me how I should live my life, what decisions I should be making, what I should believe in, how I should behave, and so on. From my own parents and friends telling me what to do, to my work colleagues and customers, I was constantly told how I should live my life, and what I needed to do to make them happy. It's always worded in a way that sounds like it's in our best interest to follow their advice, but the truth is, how does anyone else know what is in the best interest for ourselves and our future, other than ourselves? Take our parents for example. Now, guaranteed, they do want us to be happy, they do want us to succeed, they do love us dearly, and they do care for us deeply, but they will often give advice about our career, or how we should parent, or what we should do with our money, and so on, yet the advice they are giving is often based on what they have done themselves in their own lives, or what they believe is right for us, but can often not be what's best for us at all. Behind this, we can often uncover that the advice they are given is what will please them and make them happy, yet it might not be what pleases us and makes us happy. With our parents, we feel this sort of obligation to follow their advice because we love them, we trust them, we trust their judgment in what is best for us, and they did raise us after all. The problem is, we don't look into our heart and follow what we believe is best for us, because we don't want to be criticized, made to look foolish, or even be lectured by our parents for going against them. In not following our heart in pursuing the goals we desire, and creating a future of our own design, just to please others, it's us who ends up being unhappy and miserable.

There's one interesting fact I have noticed since I have started rejecting people's advice, and denying people the opportunity to walk all over me, and that is it rubs people up the wrong way big time. If you go against what other people advise or want you to do in life, they become extremely irritable, defensive, and even angry. The moment you start that journey towards achieving your goals, the moment you start making decisions and taking action in working towards creating happiness and success in your own life, becomes the moment that drives people wild. They hate it because it perhaps inconveniences them, it doesn't please them, it doesn't fit their agenda, and it's not what they want you to do, or how they want you to live your life. It also becomes the moment where you start to see who genuinely does love and care for you in life, proven by their ongoing support and encouragement, and those who pretend to love and care for you, proven by their constant discouragement, their criticism, and their opposition to every decision you make and action you take. I can give you a heads up, you'll be both surprised, and extremely disappointed, with those whom you believed you could trust, that will only end up withdrawing their support for you. What these individuals also love to do, is make you feel guilty, and perhaps even play the victim in certain circumstances. You will be labelled as being selfish, that you don't care about others, that you're a bad person, that you're destroying relationships, and all these sort of blame games designed to make you feel bad for what you are doing. People may actually choose to exit your life, or threaten to exit. But let's take a step back for a moment, why are they criticizing you, making you feel guilty, and exiting your life? Because you are choosing to find happiness and success in life, which you have every right to do, because it is your life. Anyone who makes you feel bad or guilty about trying to achieve your goals, strive for happiness, and create a future by your own design, is not worth having in your life. That's the sad truth!

Take a moment to look in the mirror, and answer yourself as to what you see. Do you see a human being looking back at you, or a doormat? Everyone has a right to live their life in the way they choose to, and if they have goals they wish to achieve, and they are working on creating happiness and fulfillment in their life, then they have every right, just as you do. Bar the relevant authorities, what people don't have the right to do is to tell you how you should live your life. We are each responsible for our own happiness, and our own destiny. We were not granted the blessing of life to please others, or to live life the way others want us to live it. We are all on borrowed time, and we need to make the choice that we want to be happy, we want to be fulfilled, we want to be successful, and we want to be satisfied, not to be spending our days pleasing others. We need to make sure we stand up for ourselves, fight for the goals and happiness we desire to achieve, defend the future we wish to design for ourselves, and ensure we don't get walked over by others who don't truly have our best interest at heart. We will makes mistakes along that journey to our goals and happiness, we will fail time and time again, and we will make some wrong decisions. That's okay, because these are all part and parcel of the road to success, but we need to ensure we remain focused on what we want to achieve, that we persevere towards achieving that goal. that we remain patient in achieving it, and we need to resist the constant influence and manipulation of others who don't believe in our abilities and potential, by denying them the opportunity to walk all over us. Have the courage to say "no" to people, and reject their advice if it is not in your action plan.

Two points I want to conclude today's blog entry on. Firstly around advice, feedback, and mentorship. These three things are all important in our life, so when I talk of receiving advice from people such as our parents, loved ones, or our friends, we need to ask ourselves if they are really someone who is pretty much qualified to give such advice. What I mean by that is, would you go ask a McDonald's worker about a health issue you have, and expect them to give credible advice? Of course not, you would go speak to a doctor, because he is qualified. It's the same with advice when it comes to success. Would you accept advice around the best action plan to achieve your goals from someone who hasn't even created success themselves in life? You shouldn't, but sadly that's what most people do, and that's why most people fail to achieve their goals, because they listen to the wrong people. Seek advice from someone who has achieved success, but even better, seek advice from many different people who have achieved success, so you can get a variety of different tips and listen to the different best practices. When it comes to advice, we should not be afraid to receive feedback, again from those who are qualified to give feedback, because we do need to hear that negative feedback every now and then, so we can adjust accordingly, and ensure we are on the right track to achieving our goals. We should also be seeking out a a mentor, someone who has proven success for themselves, someone who is positive minded, uplifting, supportive, and inspirational. It's that someone who can keep us focused, someone who is positive minded, and someone who possesses the right values, behaviors, and characteristics. Again, it's about following the right people, who are driven by success, and who support others in succeeding also.

The second point is about how we should always seek to help others, not please them. Whilst we shouldn't be walked over by others in life, just so they can take advantage of us and have us live our life to suit their agenda, it doesn't mean that we still shouldn't possess the right values in life, and treat others with respect, courtesy, and decency. The most effective and easiest way to achieve happiness and fulfillment in our own life, is to serve others. Serving and helping others isn't bowing to their needs, or following their direction and advice, or living to suit their needs, it's about giving to those in need, about uplifting others, it's about supporting others, it's about inspiring others, and it's about encouraging others to strive for their goals and happiness in their own life. We therefore live our life in pursuit of our own goals and happiness, whilst we are helping and encouraging others to do the same, along with showing them kindness, compassion, and generosity. The fulfillment and joy we gain from seeing the smiles on other people's face, witnessing for ourselves how we are making a positive impact on others, it's incredible. Let today become the day where you no longer allow other people to walk all over you, and you stand up for your happiness, and remain focused on achieving your goals. Let people walk out of your life if they choose to, and continue to surround yourself with those who are truly supportive, uplifting, inspiring, and encouraging. Find yourself a mentor, and learn from those who have achieved proven success, by following their best practices. Most of all, treat others with kindness, respect, courtesy, compassion, and generosity, helping those in need and giving them the encouragement and inspiration to achieve their own goals also. Remember, you're not a doormat, you are a goals driven, ambitious, talented, and positive minded individual, who is simply going about creating a life enriched with success and happiness.

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