Menopause--I Can’t Fight This Feeling Anymore

What is Menopause, really?

Menopause, also known as the climacteric, is the time when menstrual periods permanently stop, marking the end of the reproductive stage for the female human. It typically occurs between the ages of 45 and 55, although the exact timing can vary. Wikipedia

Ok. How long does it last?

According to Google says:

Menopause symptoms, including hot flashes and other changes, can last for an average of 7 years, but the duration can vary greatly between individuals, ranging from a few months to over a decade.

Mine started around fifty; I am just feeling the hell of it more than five years later. It’s torture. After living a good life, fighting humanity’s hell, cruelty, hatred, greed, thoughtlessness, pain, and all of what Satan knows and does, getting older shouldn’t be a pain.

Today, life hurts more than I can handle. Why?

I have days when I don't want to be me. I don't want to think. To eat, write, move or do anything else. Is this normal for other females enduring menopause?

“You have been feeling the pain for animals, humans, and plants. You should be used to pain by now?” My internal insanity taunts me.

“Yes, I know pain like many humans know: breathing, speaking, eating, and drinking. But if it’s pain only, I could handle it. I have been practicing pain management since I was in my teens. So, I know pain,” I explained.

“It’s a natural part of life. You can’t stop it,” My insanity explains.

“I know. I am older, wiser, and stronger mentally, emotionally, psychologically, spiritually, and sometimes physically. I battled hell, life, Satan, humanity’s cruelty, hatred, greed, and more, and I have days when a thought rendered me weak, destroying my day and all of my plans. Where throwing me off course and out of focus. Menopause is that powerful?”

My insanity burst out laughing, then asked, “Who is in control? You? Or Menopause actions, choices and decisions?”

“You mean I am in control?”

“You don’t usually allow your personal feelings to get in the way of what is right for you. Why did you stop?”

I paused, thinking. I didn’t stop, but the symptoms of menopause are so overwhelming. They seep deep within me, affecting areas in my brain where I only go when life gives me a damn good reason.

“Well,” my insanity taunts again. “You got one.”

“I don’t like that reason,” I fired back.

“Don’t tell me, tell life.”

I sighed, insane, but right, “Life doesn’t give us what we want, but what we need. I really don’t need menopause!”

“Well,” my insanity went on, “Somewhere out there, you will need focus and strength. Those two diminish as we age. Life is teaching you something. Focus and learn.”

Damn, I want to hit someone. But that’s what Satan wants.

“So, menopause is Satan now?” my insanity quests.

“That’s how I fought and won many battles. I think of them as the enemy, Satan. Then, I organize my strategy, implement my plan and backup plan, and forge ahead into the battle of life,” I explain.

“Then Menopause should never win if you do this. Plus, if you keep fighting it, it will stay longer. Let it run its course. Knowing you and your OCD, it might run away from you.”

I burst out laughing. My insanity is correct. Let it run its course. It might not like me if I give it a reason to know me.

Sorry, I must find ways to heal myself.

Menopause is a pain for me. Is it for you?

If your heart could speak, what would it say?

#Iintend2Survive!