My Children Shall Never Know the Feeling

I am loved somewhere

But not here

I am loved sometimes

But not now

I am loved by someone

But not you

What kind of life is that for a ten-year-old girl?

Why did you try to stop my attempts at reporting abuse?

You had to cover your own rear end, huh?

Not even the church could help me because you tried to take it away. You tried to distance yourself, too, but to no avail.

You never fostered our growth, our spirits, but maybe that's not your fault.

I just wish it hadn't taken fifteen-plus-thousand dollars to know it.

A psychology degree - that you say I don't use - is the only reason that this cycle of abuse

Won't continue.

Did you know that you taught me to judge all the downtrod,

The sick and the lowly, to make you this world's god?

I was told my thoughts and feelings

My desires were sin

I wanted to leave this world

For it all to end

Instead, you pushed me to grow up

To simply get over it

I can now tell you with confidence

That I did it

I didn't overcome, I simply checked all the boxes

Of disappointing you, letting my grandma down

Tearing my family apart, and making the Devil proud.

I don't live for you anymore, but I don't make the calls

I think I go with the flow

And show love to all.