Are You Willing to Open the Door?

The world is your oyster, and it's waiting for you to claim it. Where will you go?

My name is Elizabeth, and I am a survivor of child abuse and trauma. I write articles about my experience of living with Complex PTSD.

There is a need for our world to understand survivors and what happens after trauma. Trauma doesn’t go away when it’s done wreaking havoc in our lives. It carries on, living inside a survivor like a parasite, releasing memories like a toxic aftershave.

Living with Complex PTSD

I’m now in my fourth decade, and still dealing with Complex PTSD symptoms in my life. It's something that very few people understand unless, of course, you are a survivor, or a therapist working in the field.

People ask me why I am so hooked on the past, and to just “get over it”. They tell me it happened so long ago, and that I should just “move on.” People talk about PTSD as a broken record, bringing up the same triggers.

Well, if I could turn them off, I would have done that decades ago.

Have you ever heard this?

Our world is forever changing, and because of the internet, we hear about traumatic events from all over the world. The news regurgitates story after story, each traumatizing and horrific.

There is never any follow-up.

It’s almost like there is a proverbial switch, and everything is great again after a traumatic event.

It’s far from the truth.

The stories we hear about from war-torn countries are just minuscule insights into the true trauma that is going on, with years of repercussions ahead.

We never hear about the countries that spend years rebuilding their infrastructure and healing the emotional cost after conflicts.

We shy away from the truth when the stories disappear from the latest news reel.

Out of sight - Out of mind - right?

No. It’s not how the world works.

Trauma affects people. Real people. It could happen to anybody, anywhere at any time.

We don't have to look very far to see trauma. From Hurricane Katrina to Wildfires in California — The World is Constantly Changing due to climate change.

Just rewind to Katrina, and how that catastrophe still ricochets through our hearts today after devastating so many lives. The wildfires in California wreak havoc on so many every year, and it gets reported for a few days and then forgotten in the ether of more pressing news.

But those who are affected by trauma still live in this reality. Day after day.

The world forgets to take a beat and think about how we live with all that has happened.

How do we move on from our trauma?

In my case, I moved far away from my biological family and everyone that I knew who hurt me. I started again in a new place and created my own path.

I thought I could just run away from it all, and I would just forget my past, but there is not a day that goes by when I am reminded of something.

The world forgets to take a beat and think about how we live with all that has happened.

It’s been decades since I left everything and everyone behind, but the trauma is still haunting me like a perpetual shadow that will not completely go away.

My physical scars have long healed, but my body and mind still remember it all.

Everything that was done to me, and the pain I had to endure as a child who was sexually abused and forced to witness things no human being should ever see. Wherever I go and whatever I set my mind to do, that pain is still following me in some way.

It finds me and ensnares me like a vine, dragging me back to that time that I try to forget.

Most of the time, I am doing okay, but there are times when the triggers get harrowing and overwhelm me.

As survivors, we often turn to professionals to help us heal. We learn about coping mechanisms and breathing techniques to help us get through the pain that our triggers bring us.

Those techniques are extremely useful for handling the everyday stress in our life. Sometimes, when all those methods have run their course, and you are still feeling like an emotional zombie, you may need to cry.

Life gets tough, and things happen.

You might be undergoing a change at work, or in your personal life, that derails your normal. This can be overwhelming for anyone, but for someone who is already dealing with Complex PTSD, a sudden derailment can feel like a rug has been swept away from our feet.

We can feel as if we are losing control of ourselves and our reality, as we strive to get our feet back on the proverbial ground again.

If you are feeling like this, I urge you to seek help from someone who will listen and not judge.

Therapists can only help so much, and most often, they are not on hand 24 hours a day, and it's often at night when those anxiety attacks creep into our psyche.

Call on your best friend or loved ones in that moment. There are also 24-hour crisis lines in every country in the world available for anyone needing that listening ear.

We are never truly alone with our pain

I know that those of us who suffer from Complex PTSD find it hard to reach out for help when we need it. It's one of those coping mechanisms kicking in from so long ago, with that inner voice that tells us that we are just fine — alone.

That is simply not true.

We are all social creatures, and we need people, especially when we are hurting.

Sometimes, the best thing you can do for yourself is to listen to your body, and relinquish control of those emotions, and let them surface.

Allow yourself to feel that pain and let go.

Have a good cry and bawl hysterically, if that is what you need. The power of having a good cry can be therapeutic and cleansing because those emotions need to come out one way or another, and I can guarantee that you will feel better afterwards.

Trust me, I know what I am talking about because I have been there many times.

The Last Time I Cried

The last time I cried, I was alone in my car, and I had to pull over as I felt this pressure building in my body like a large weight consuming me until I couldn’t breathe. I felt physically sick as my body convulsed into large heart-wrenching sobs, while I bawled my pain out into the silence.

The pain was overwhelming, crushing me.

It felt as if my body was being electrocuted, as I writhed in the emotional breakdown of my sobs. I cried for what felt like hours, and I was exhausted afterwards.

I felt like my body had done circuits of weight training. Every muscle ached as I slowly regained my composure. I took a few cleansing breaths, took stock of my body, and grounded myself in the present moment by recalling things I could see, hear, and feel around me.

I came to and looked out of my window into the darkness surrounding me as night had fallen. I felt better, lighter somehow. The pain I was carrying felt easier to bear.

Release the Emotional Pressure

If you are a survivor like me, you need to try and open some of those emotions and let them surface. Acknowledge them because they are just as real as the air you breathe.

You need to release the emotional pressure switch sometimes, and let the traumatic trauma pain surface and disintegrate.

It is the only way to truly let go.

The power of having a good cry is liberating. Listen to your body and allow yourself to feel. I know that crying is rare, and those tears do not come easily, but when they do, you need to let them out.

It's okay to fall apart sometimes. It's in those moments you truly find yourself.

I survived a harrowing childhood, but I'm still here to tell my story so that more people can break free from trauma.

My name is Lizzy. I’m a trauma survivor, a wife, a mom, a teacher, and an author.

If you like reading my posts, then please follow me.

For more about me: www.elizabethwoodsauthor.com

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Here are a few links to my articles:

Looking for a Change?

https://medium.com/activated-thinker/looking-for-a-change-f391e85abbd7

A Search for Identity

https://medium.com/beyond-lines/a-search-for-identity-893df7c970c2

Are You Searching for Peace?

https://medium.com/illumination/are-you-searching-for-peace-cd54d76231c8

Are You Dealing With Burnout?

https://medium.com/illumination/are-you-dealing-with-burnout-374f774141b4