Latest Stories
Most recently published stories in Psyche.
Living With Bipolar Disorder
Today I woke up on the sofa again. I feel safety and comfort in the corner of the sofa surrounded by pillows and my two cats. I leave the television on so the voices make me feel less alone. I go to the kitchen and make the first of many cups of coffee. I can use a box of K cups in one day. This box has 12 cups in it. I count my cigarettes because I am virtually penniless and don’t know how I’ll even buy my next pack. I contemplate quitting cigarettes but my current state of turmoil won’t let me. I wrack my brain trying to figure out how I’ll get through another day without money. It’s so isolating to feel this bad and have no one who understands, no one who can even deal with your presence because you have absolutely nothing left to give.
By Elizabeth Arnold8 years ago in Psyche
The "D" Word
I’m going to pretend that we’ve known each other forever. Or, maybe like we’re those two drunk people at the bar who aren’t dancing, but better yet we are sitting at tables beside each other with a drink, lonely. We make that initial eye contact that feels like that “Hey old friend!” greeting and we decide to spill our guts out to each other as we build a relationship over too many vodka sodas. Either way, this will probably be raw, and it’s going to be real. But like I’ve said before, I am not a doctor. This is through my eyes only and my own personal experiences ONLY. So here it is... Depression, coming from someone who struggles and fights the darkness every. damn. day.
By Jess Dobransky8 years ago in Psyche
Depression: The Silent Shadow
"It’s hard to even write when I’m this depressed. I can’t cry, I can’t eat. I can’t do anything. I feel so hopeless and so alone. I have the weight of the world in my soul. All I want to do is sleep, just to get away from everything. I feel trapped. I’m thinking about pills. Lord Jesus, I’m thinking about pills. Help me not to think about pills. I feel so alone, Lord. Who can I talk to about this? Will You even talk to me? I’m falling. Help"
By Fallon Bechtel8 years ago in Psyche
Here You Are... Again
It was mid December 2016 and I was on my way home from work. My surroundings that day were such a blur, I never remembered the time, the speed I was going, or any specifics of that moment other than what I felt myself go through. I was in Los Angeles, so the traffic was almost always bad. I do remember cars passing me by as I looked at the highway wall and thought, "Why not?" And just as that thought was settling on my mind I felt my tears running down my face. I do not even remember my thoughts prior this but that is when I realized I had just contemplated ending my life. I sat there, wondering, "how did I get to this point?" I felt confusion, but most of all I felt fear.
By Maritza Perez8 years ago in Psyche
It's Okay, You're Just Acting Crazy!
How do I put this into (appropriate) perspective? You wake up in the morning and you give yourself the 15th self exam of the 24 hours that have passed since you woke up yesterday. You roll out of bed (or maybe you don't) and you spend the next 12 hours checking for lumps, making your friends/family check you and themselves for lumps, wondering when you will be diagnosed with the one kind of cancer that has yet to be discovered (or maybe every single other kind of cancer that has already been discovered), reading WebMD articles to self diagnose your "symptoms," declining all offers to do anything after work because you want to spend however long you have left with your family, not believing your friends/family/DOCTORS when they say that these physical symptoms are all symptoms of your mental illness and not the cancer that you've convinced yourself that you have.
By Maya Passmore8 years ago in Psyche
What It Feels Like to Have Schizophrenia
Everything is loud. Here I will write about what it was like to have schizophrenia as a child, not know what it was, and not having a diagnosis I could tell people about that they would understand. These days, my experience in class means I feel less wound up overall, to the point of not being wound up at all, in fact, which makes me feel odd. For somebody with real psychic talent, the input comes hot and heavy: everybody’s energy, everybody’s aura colors. Not being on meds meant that I was helpless at regulating the input I got from my mind. As an adult, on the right medication, I’m able to see that I can regulate the input better. I can also shut it off since I took a class on the off switch.
By Iria Vasquez-Paez8 years ago in Psyche
My Name Is Alex, and I'm Addicted to Xanax
I was 14 years years old the first time I took a Benzodiazepine. They weren't prescribed to me like they are to most. The provider of my first dose was my mother. My mother always kept about 60 Pro-Lorazepam tablets in her purse at all times. My mom's been taking the stuff since she was 19 years old. At the time of this story, she was probably about 52, so she had 33 years of continuous use under her belt at the time. One night she had left to walk the family dogs and she always left her purse sitting on her dresser in her bedroom. It had never crossed my mind to steal these pills from her, but I was getting to an age where I was curious about experimenting with drugs. I thought I had a pretty good idea of what they were going to do to me, so I went into her room and pulled back the zipper on the top of her black leather purse. Inside the purse was a makeup case containing her prescription drugs. I opened up the makeup case and took out the Pro-Lorazepam and popped the safety cap open. I knew she'd never notice they were gone. I proceeded to dump four pills into my palm and dry swallow them, without hesitation, right there in the dark of her bedroom. I snapped the top of the pill bottle back on and positioned it exactly as I found it in her makeup case. I closed her purse carefully, positioned it just as it was, and settled back down into the basement for whatever trip I was about to experience. To sum it up, a 14-year-old me had just taken four one milligram tablets of Pro-Lorazepam, which would be eight times the recommended dose for somebody of that age.
By Alex Camacho8 years ago in Psyche
